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Learning to Go to School in Japan: The Transition from Home to Preschool Life

University of California Press

Shudan*

Japanese parents and teachers do not perceive the family as carrying primary responsibility for training school-related social behavior. Teachers do not expect students to arrive at school with either a well-developed set of social and interpersonal skills or a good understanding of the limits of appropriate behavior. Similarly, mothers do not believe it to be their duty to manage the child's behavior at home according to rules similar to those the child will experience in the classroom. The two environments are naturally and properly discrete.

Japanese informants explain the reason for this difference in behavioral expectations simply: the school is shudan seikatsu, whereas the home is not. Shudan*

As participants in shudan seikatsu, children must learn that their own desires and goals are secondary to those of the group. A certain degree of enryo, or restraint in expressing one's feelings and modesty in presenting oneself, is appropriate (Lebra 1976). Children must develop a willingness to participate enthusiastically in group activities and must interact smoothly and harmoniously with others. Selfishness, or excessive assertion of independent desires and a determination to have things one's own way, is termed wagamama and, although an understandable aspect of human na-

ture, must not be allowed to influence individual behavior in a group setting. Individuals are expected to adopt these appropriate attitudes and behavior, almost as they would put on a uniform, for the duration of their active participation in the group. Once alone or at home again, the person can relax and let real feelings and preferences show.

The mother of a 3.10-year-old girl (i.e. age three years, ten months) described her daughter's adjustment to preschool shudan*

I can see that at home she's more relaxed and vivacious; maybe you could even say she throws her weight around a little bit. Somehow I think that she's more open and free. When she goes to preschool, I can feel her enryo to the other children and the teacher. Even in her childlike way she keeps her wings pulled in more than she does at home. (Could you give some concrete examples?) For example, when she wants to use something at home she just uses it, but with her friends she says "May I borrow this?" or "May I do this?" I guess it's probably a rather unremarkable sort of thing. Because it's an interpersonal relationship [taijin kankei] you have to try to understand the other person's feelings and ask before doing things. You have to be sensitive. At home she'll say, "I'm going to do this" or "I want to eat this." Even if I say no, she'll still say, "I want to." Her natural child-like feelings come out. But if she's at preschool and she's told no, she'll just stop immediately. I guess that's what is called enryo. (What do you think about that?) I think that's all as it should be. As long as you have to relate to other people [hito to kakawaru] you can't think of only your own feelings. To get along with others, you have to act based on other peoples' feelings too. Yes, I think it's fine. (Where do you think she learned how to show enryo?) From participating in shudan seikatsu. In a shudan environment there is no other way that things can be. It's not something you can teach by saying, "Do this," with words. It's just something that comes from experiencing that environment.

Learning to keep one's wings p–ulled in and display proper enryo are the basis of the somewhat cautious and restrained self-presentation fundamental to shudan seikatsu. Other informants agreed with this mother that these attitudes are learned in the group setting, not from parental instruction or family example. It is within the give and take of peer relationships in an environment that purposely lacks the understanding indulgence of the home that children learn they must make their wagamama (personal desires) secondary to the activities and harmony of the group. Japanese teachers and parents

believe that this understanding is built through interaction with peers in the shudan*

By definition life within the family is not shudan seikatsu, although from an American point of view the family might be described as a smaller group from which the child learns rules and roles to be applied later in the larger society. However, without exception Japanese teachers and mothers denied that it could be described as a small shudan. In contrast to the English concept "group," the defining characteristic of a shudan is not the number of members but the expectations governing their interpersonal behavior. In this sense the family is not a small shudan because the expectations for interpersonal interaction are different. Within the family one can drop one's guard and express freely one's own feelings, however self-centered, and expect understanding and indulgence of personal desires. In fact, the right to expect such indulgence of amae, or dependency, is the primary characteristic of an intimate or private environment, and without it a Japanese family would not be considered worthy of the name.

Becoming a well-socialized member of the shudan does not imply that a child's behavior in the family should undergo similar change. It is considered unremarkable that children and adults display self-reliance, cooperation, and perseverance at school and still remain dependent, assertive, and impatient at home. Such a personality is termed uchibenkei —literally, a home Benkei—after the famous samurai warrior Benkei. The appellation is considered mildly endearing rather than opprobrious.

Under the heading "inside face, outside face" (uchi zura, soto zura), a popular book on childrearing for Japanese mothers agrees that such behavior is the natural order of life:

By the age of four, children's social skills have developed a lot and they are able to skillfully adjust their behavior to different social situations. It is not unusual that a child will pick up after himself at preschool, but not at home, or that at other people's houses he will share nicely, but throw a fit if he is not first at home.

For both adults and children it is hard if one has to be on one's best behavior both at home and outside. If everyone understands and allows father to come home, relax, breath a sigh of relief, and act as petty tyrant and lord of the manor [teishu kanpaku], shouldn't we also allow children some room for difference between the way they act at home and outside? It is a cause for concern if a child is ex-