Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Dr. Joy Browne, PhD, is not only a dating guru, but also a licensed clinical psychologist who is the award-winning host of her own nationally and internationally syndicated radio talk show.

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Learn to:

• Safely navigate social networking and online dating sites
• Avoid common dating missteps
• Get back into the dating scene after divorce
• Deal with differences in age

Trusted tips and guidance on meeting Mr. or Ms. Right

Are you looking for a fun Saturday night date or a happily-ever-after mate? Dating For Dummies demystifies the whole dating process, from getting a date, plotting the place, and having a great time (or dealing with duds) to moving beyond a first date toward a budding relationship. Plus, you'll find all you need to navigate social media sites to socialize, flirt, and date in the 21st century.

• Look in the mirror understand the importance of getting to know (and love) yourself in order to become a better partner, and find out if you're ready to date
• Search for Mr. or Ms. Right figure out what you want in a partner and discover the many places you can find him/her
• Get in the game get the confidence to ask for a date, deal with the potentially sticky situation of exchanging phone numbers, and gracefully bow out of a date if you're not feeling the love
• It's date day get pointers on everything from what to wear to the topics you should (and shouldn't) talk about on a first date
• On the rebound! understand the importance of healing before jumping back into the dating scene, whether you're divorced, widowed, or just getting out of a relationship

Open the book and find:

• Realistic dating advice for people in all types of situations and life-stages
• Great date ideas (and activities to avoid)
• What works (and what doesn't) when asking for a date
• How to flirt, how to listen, and how to gauge how things are going
• What to look for in the place you pick for a date
• How to navigate through potentially awkward moments

Aus dem Klappentext

Learn to:

• Safely navigate social networking and online dating sites
• Avoid common dating missteps
• Get back into the dating scene after divorce
• Deal with differences in age

Trusted tips and guidance on meeting Mr. or Ms. Right

Are you looking for a fun Saturday night date or a happily-ever-after mate? Dating For Dummies demystifies the whole dating process, from getting a date, plotting the place, and having a great time (or dealing with duds) to moving beyond a first date toward a budding relationship. Plus, you'll find all you need to navigate social media sites to socialize, flirt, and date in the 21st century.

• Look in the mirror — understand the importance of getting to know (and love) yourself in order to become a better partner, and find out if you're ready to date
• Search for Mr. or Ms. Right — figure out what you want in a partner and discover the many places you can find him/her
• Get in the game — get the confidence to ask for a date, deal with the potentially sticky situation of exchanging phone numbers, and gracefully bow out of a date if you're not feeling the love
• It's date day — get pointers on everything from what to wear to the topics you should (and shouldn't) talk about on a first date
• On the rebound! — understand the importance of healing before jumping back into the dating scene, whether you're divorced, widowed, or just getting out of a relationship

Open the book and find:

• Realistic dating advice for people in all types of situations and life-stages
• Great date ideas (and activities to avoid)
• What works (and what doesn't) when asking for a date
• How to flirt, how to listen, and how to gauge how things are going
• What to look for in the place you pick for a date
• How to navigate through potentially awkward moments

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Dating For Dummies

John Wiley & Sons

Chapter One

In This Chapter

* Navigating today's dating scene

* Knowing how social media fits into dating

* Understanding how dating's the same and different for various circumstances

* Recording your dating life

Dating is about two people who are interested in one another and want to get together at a specific time and place. We're not talking rocket science here. Since the original fix-up — you know, the one between Adam and Eve (who had the advantage of the ultimate Matchmaker) — dating has evolved. With the familiar United States version less than 100 years old, the guy is often (but not always) the one who asks and pays, and couples still face the tension of possible sex at the end of the evening.

After some recent reflection about the dating scene, I concluded that the last ten or so years have indeed significantly altered the dating landscape, and anything that alters that landscape is certainly going to alter dating behavior. Technology is a tool, but it is a tool that has profound effects on how and what we communicate, how fast and with whom. The original changes had to do with the ubiquity of online dating: its ease, breadth, and nearly universal acceptance in a very short time. That same technology has now given us social networking, tweeting, texting, and the possibility of seeing and being seen instantaneously and universally, ready or not.

In this chapter, I detail those changes precisely. In addition to key points to remember about modern dating, including dating in the age of social networking, I offer special advice and guidance for folks who are in special dating situations. The chapter concludes with tips for using a dating notebook to keep track of what's going on in your love life. I promise no pop quizzes, but you'll be amazed at how much you can learn about yourself and the process.

REMEMBER

Dating is the Wimbledon of social intercourse. So you'll be happiest and most successful if you practice, correct mistakes as you go along, and don't expect to make the finals the first time out. Dating should be fun and interesting. If it feels grueling, unpleasant, or exhausting, take a breath and a break and kick back for a while. You're fine by yourself!

Scoping Out the Changing Dating World

Believe it or not, the changes that society, sexuality, entertainment, and technology have engendered in the dating scene can be distilled into a single concept: the need for speed! The entire process has been sped up so that courting behavior no longer functionally exists. Without some real caution the privacy that allows relationships to unfold can be compromised, and Facebook and other social network sites have allowed dating to become an audience participation sport.

Speed bumps

Admittedly, human beings, when it comes to love, have always been impatient — even though Diana Ross, or at least her momma, said, "You can't hurry love, you just have to wait!" People are under more pressures now to race dating at the speed of light when instead they should be taking very small baby steps, exercising due diligence, and noticing in minute detail what's going on. Talking with a girlfriend about a groovy guy has been replaced by Googling, checking out Facebook, texting friends, chatting at online forums, blogging, tweeting, and texting. I know that the temptation is to close your eyes and just go for it: Tell the world and let the relationship chips fall where they may. Falling makes it seem much more fun, scary, exciting, and fast, but it's not very productive if you're looking for more than just cheap thrills. The exposure factor has never been higher, so the stakes, which have always been high when it comes to matters of the heart (let alone other important organs) are off the charts.

Admittedly, I bear some vague responsibility for this trend: I sort of invented speed dating, accidentally, when I first had a TV show in 2000. Speed dating, as it has evolved, usually gives participants six or seven minutes with each potential date, but I gave them three minutes to convince somebody to go out with them, though I was there to offer encouragement or redirect the Burger King philosophy of life: quick, hot, juicy, and "your way" work in some places, just not in dating! The need for speed is triggered by two equal and opposite tendencies: Ironically, couples are marrying earlier (obvious sexual urgency) and later (increasing fertility concerns), with women feeling that if they wait any longer they won't have the option of raising children of their own.

Changing definitions of marriage: When and why

Dating has changed. Marriage is changing. Gender roles are changing. There are now more single people living by themselves than ever before in the history of the world. This tendency, coupled with the reality that life expectancy has nearly doubled in the last century, means that individuals are concluding that they can hold off on marriage or not marry at all. These options mean that dating doesn't necessarily point in the direction of settling down as it once did. Additionally, settling down could mean spending many decades with one person if they marry early, prompting them to proceed cautiously.

Statistically, more people are marrying and remarrying than ever before. Concerns about fertility are balanced by women deciding that they can have children without the benefit of a partner, another factor that has radically altered the dating landscape. Some people who are raising children are dating but have never married and don't intend to do so.

If all this makes your head spin, you are not alone.

Fantasies and realities

In addition to the census, demographic data, and the changing realities, television shows in the 21st century have significantly changed the dating landscape since popular notions perpetuated by the media, while originally fantasy, have a strange habit of morphing into our shared reality. Dating shows have always been a part of the TV landscape, but the bar has been raised, or lowered, depending on how you look at it. In addition to the traditional plethora of inane reality-style TV dating shows, Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?, Who Wants to Marry My Dad?, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, My Big, Fat, Ugly Fiancé, and Millionaire Matchmaker have not only made dating a blood sport but convinced the viewing public that hot tubs and serial necking in front of a TV camera are normal aspects of dating. Rules about no kissing on the first date and no sex until the third date seem laughably out of fashion if you watch television. Dating as a competitive sport — complete with body contact and backbiting — has cheapened, degraded, and sexualized dating as well as increased hostility in ways we're not even completely aware of.

Okay, so most of us probably look at television dating shows and say, "That's ridiculous!" We know that a lot of editing and prompting goes on. But we are all influenced, subtly and not so subtly, by these shows in how we date, how we view the opposite sex, our own behavior, and what's acceptable and what's not acceptable. Reality TV has made competition, mean spiritedness, and just plain nastiness part of the social landscape between men and women, making the war between the sexes appear as a bombed-out landscape with few survivors and multiple...