Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Debbie Mandel is the radio talk show host of a popular weekly health and fitness radio show on WGBB 1240 AM in Long Island, New York, which is broadcast live and on the Internet. She is the publisher of the highly regarded wellness Web site www.addictedtostress.com and conducts stress-management and relationship workshops for couples, women's groups, and others.

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Praise for Addicted to Stress

"This book offers remedies for all of us 'stress junkies,' to help us enrich our lives for now and the future." Dr. John Ratey, M.D. associate clinical professor of psychiatry, Harvard University

"This book needs to be read by every woman. It's never too late to be born again." Bernie Siegel, M.D. author, Love, Magic & Mudpies and 365 Prescriptions for Living

"An easy-to-follow, entertaining program for reducing the toxic impact of stress for today's women, and reclaiming their health and wholeness as they seek to live more happily in these hectic times." Jeffrey Brantley, M.D. director, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Program, Duke University Integrative Medicine

"Everyone can benefit from the practical wisdom in this book, which will relieve stress addiction with no worry of withdrawal. We are 'hooked' on the encouraging ideas and guidance in Ms. Mandel's inspiring book." Dr. Steven Gurgevich and Joy Gurgevich authors, The Self-Hypnosis Diet

"If you long for more love, happiness, peace of mind, and authenticity; if you want your life to be an expression of the yearnings of your heart; and if you want to feel that you are truly enjoying your time on earth rather than just struggling to get by then you must read this superb book! It will remind you about what is truly important. And it will help you transform your life into what you truly want it to be!" John E. Welshons author, When Prayers Aren't Answered and Awakening from Grief

Aus dem Klappentext

Praise for Addicted to Stress

This book offers remedies for all of us 'stress junkies, ' to help us enrich our lives for now and the future. --Dr. John Ratey, M.D. associate clinical professor of psychiatry, Harvard University

This book needs to be read by every woman. It's never too late to be born again. --Bernie Siegel, M.D. author, Love, Magic & Mudpies and 365 Prescriptions for Living

An easy-to-follow, entertaining program for reducing the toxic impact of stress for today's women, and reclaiming their health and wholeness as they seek to live more happily in these hectic times. --Jeffrey Brantley, M.D. director, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Program, Duke University Integrative Medicine

Everyone can benefit from the practical wisdom in this book, which will relieve stress addiction with no worry of withdrawal. We are 'hooked' on the encouraging ideas and guidance in Ms. Mandel's inspiring book. --Dr. Steven Gurgevich and Joy Gurgevich authors, The Self-Hypnosis Diet

If you long for more love, happiness, peace of mind, and authenticity; if you want your life to be an expression of the yearnings of your heart; and if you want to feel that you are truly enjoying your time on earth--rather than just struggling to get by--then you must read this superb book! It will remind you about what is truly important. And it will help you transform your life into what you truly want it to be! --John E. Welshons author, When Prayers Aren't Answered and Awakening from Grief

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Addicted to Stress

John Wiley & Sons

Chapter One

The first step in our process of change is to understand ourselves, to accept the fact that yes, we have a problem. But never fear, there's definitely something we can do about it.

My research with thousands of women has taught me that the biggest universal problem women have today is our attitude toward stress, the daily dynamic tension of our lives. In fact, I've learned that living with stress for women these days has become more than a habit: it's an addiction.

That's right. Addiction. Just as with drugs or alcohol. Stress has become so ubiquitous (a fancy word for common, widespread, pervasive) that we're used to it, we expect it, we're actually uncomfortable if we don't have it.

Sisters (and some brothers), listen up. We've reached the point where we've got a "jones" for stress. It has taken over our lives like the extra thirty pounds or unwanted guest at the dining room table who refuses to leave.

Addicted to stress.

How did this happen, and what can we do about it?

Taking a Hard Look at Ourselves

Women today carry massive responsibilities of family, household, and career. It often feels to us as if we're being blown about in so many different directions that we're battered into exhaustion.

Ironically, we call this progress. We need to ask ourselves two questions:

Are we satisfied?

Are we happier?

Well, certainly men are happier. Two studies from Princeton University and the University of Pennsylvania indicate that a happiness shift has occurred over the years. In the 1970s, women used to be slightly happier than men; now men have exchanged places with women. The reason for this change is that men have cut back on unpleasant activities and now relax more, spending quality time with the family. Research shows that meanwhile, women have been taking on more complex tasks than they did four decades ago. They have replaced housework with paid work, but that doesn't mean that the work at home has disappeared. Women's to-do lists have grown; the number of waking hours to get everything done has not.

When tasks don't get crossed off the list, women experience stress resulting in sleepless nights and days filled with feelings of negativity and inadequacy. The studies emphasize that because women now have opportunities for accomplishment on many new levels, they tend to believe that if they don't "do it all"-the home, the marriage, the job-they don't measure up!

The Impact of Too Much Stress

Bottom line: if you are unhappy with yourself, then all your relationships, including your most intimate, will be filled with unhappiness. And further research from Sigal Barsade of the University of Pennsylvania explains that bad moods are contagious. Your family will absorb and mimic your behavior, thereby perpetuating a negative loop.

Although the medical community has established that a little stress is actually good for you-waking up your creativity, fueling your vitality, and keeping your immune system vigilant-the qualifying and key word here is little. When you find yourself rushing from activity to activity, doing chore after chore, with no personal time for yourself, the problem isn't the external world that's landing on your doorstep; rather, it's your own need to constantly open that door and welcome stress into your life!

Why We Love Stress

Most likely you are addicted to stress because of the adrenaline rush-the "look what I can do" syndrome. You're so productive! You do it all, get it all-mother, wife, worker, with boundless energy 24/7.

However, having plenty of physical energy should not be confused with vital, focused energy. The critical question you must ask is, How do you distinguish a stress addict from a healthy high-energy person? And here's the answer: the physical energy of a stress addict is always moving forward, living in the future, accomplishing the next task on the addict's to-do list, or worrying about what will happen later, rather than experiencing reality in the present. In contrast, a high-energy person intensifies her present to experience it fully.

What It's Like to Be an Addict

You might think that the term addict is a harsh word for simply being busy. But it is the right word. You may say that the conventional perception of an addict is of someone so focused on her bad habits that she is a very selfish person, whereas so much of a woman's time is dedicated to being unselfish, to taking care of her family. But let's look at the fundamentals of addiction, and we'll see why addict is the right term.

Common to all unacknowledged addicts is the illusion that they have some sort of power and can control their behavior. However, when we take a closer look, we can readily see that this is a totally false perception; addicts are in fact without self-awareness and have little or no control over their compulsive activities. For example, a gambler thinks she can control her luck, an alcoholic her drinking, and a pot addict her smoking. However, an unaware addict cannot tap into her personal power. To numb the pain, the feelings of worthlessness both overt and subtle, a stress addict hides herself in the great escape of distraction.

The fix of busyness leading to apparent accomplishment gives the stress addict a kind of high that sends pleasure signals to the brain. But, as is true of all addictions, the high is transitory. The addict needs another high and then another, the ever-expanding to-do list, to sustain that false euphoria.

Admit it. Oh, how you love the surge of adrenaline energy as you rush to perform your activities and duties! You feel important. You feel powerful. After all, you are a very busy person. During your high, you are always venturing outward, escaping; therefore, you don't have to go inward, to return to your own doorstep-the components, problems, conflicts, and deficits of your real personality, or at least what you think it is.

So you can't be still or alone. Deep down, you fear your own quiet company the most.

Are Addicts Bad People?

No. Emphatically not. Addicts are not bad people. Addictive behavior is basically a survival mechanism to deal with what is perceived as an unhappy reality.

Addicts are good people. You could argue that highly successful people are just working hard in our normal workaholic workplace culture. I've learned, however, that in the case of stress addiction, all this busyness usually stems from the addict's constant need to prove herself. Are you suppressing feelings of unattractiveness, unworthiness, and inadequacy that are nevertheless seeping out through the seams of your body and soul?

A Self-Test for Addiction Awareness

How can you tell that you are a stress addict and not merely a busy person who is responsible and reliable? Answer the following questions:

1. Do you tune out during conversations? (For example: Do you scan the top of your friend's head while you barely listen to the conversation, thinking about other things?) ___ Yes ___ No

2. Do you...