Me and Miranda Mullaly - Hardcover

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Jake Gerhardt was born and raised in Cheltenham, Pennsylvania. He attended Elkins Park Middle School, where he played football and basketball, ran track, performed in the school musical, and was a member of the student council. He also found time to attend many school dances, in constant pursuit of various Miranda Mullalys.  

Since graduating from West Chester University, he has worked as a teacher. He currently lives in Los Angeles with his pulchritudinous wife and two amazing daughters. Me and Miranda Mullaly is his first book.

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Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Epigraph

1 | The Thumbtack

2 | Battle Plans

3 | Lab Partners

4 | Battle Plans—Part 2

5 | Freewriting

6 | Tryouts & Auditions

7 | The Cast Is Dye

8 | Freewriting

9 | The Championship Game

10 | The Library

11 | Give Me Toilet Paper!

12 | Freewriting

13 | Valentine’s Day

14 | The Snow Day

15 | The Worst Weekend in the History of Bad Weekends

16 | Can Things Get Any Worse?

17 | The Play’s the Thing

18 | Freewriting

19 | Steam Heat

20 | The Final Dress Rehearsal

21 | The Pajama Game

22 | Serendipity

Acknowledgments

1

The Thumbtack

SAM

Until today, Miranda Mullaly isn’t a girl I think about a lot. But she really gets my attention when she turns to me and hands me my thumbtack. I mean, she really gets my attention.

It all starts when I’m sitting in biology class, minding my own business and doing my best to mentally prepare for the long semester ahead. Even though it’s only January 4, Christmas and New Year’s seem like years ago. That’s what school does to you. It kind of freezes time. It’s only the first period of the first day, and already I feel like I’ve been stuck here forever.

As I’m sitting there, I’m thinking about the new me. You see, I’ve finally decided to turn over a new leaf and put all my clowning around behind me. After all, I can’t pull pranks my whole life. And my Christmas gift to my mom was a promise to clean up my act. If you think about it, this was a great gift because it made my mom very happy and didn’t cost me a penny.

I mean, I’m so serious about all this I didn’t make my usual stop to see the boys in the cafeteria. Imagine me, Sam Dolan, being the first person in class.

I have all this going through my head when Duke Samagura enters the room. He walks up to Mrs. Stempen, who is sitting at her desk with her head in a science book, and puts an apple in front of her. I mean, come on. Where does he think he is?

Duke stops and chitchats with Mrs. Stempen. God only knows what they’re talking about, but I can take a pretty good guess. It’s definitely about something boring. Duke’s probably telling her about what he did over the break, like going to science museums and dissecting frogs on his kitchen table.

Everybody who knows me knows that by now I’m starting to get a little antsy. I’m ready for class to start and trying to keep myself from thinking about what I’m dying to do.

I can’t help myself. I reach into my backpack and I take out a thumbtack. I hold it in my hand and even smile at it. My old friend, the thumbtack. We will part ways now that I’m turning over a new leaf, and I’m going to miss it. That thumbtack and I have had a lot of fun together.

But when I hear Duke laughing with Mrs. Stempen like she’s Tina Fey instead of a boring biology teacher, I can’t help but think maybe this is one last hurrah for me and the thumbtack. After all, I can’t be expected to go cold turkey.

Then I hear my mother’s voice in my head. Like I said, she’s really excited about my promise to be good at school. She even told me how proud she was of me before I left the house this morning. She’s one of these moms who is really interested in education and all that stuff. So maybe it’s best if I put the thumbtack back in my bag.

But I just can’t. I mean, it’s not against the law to have a little fun, and that’s what the thumbtack is all about. And Duke is the perfect target. First of all, his name is Duke Vanderbilt Samagura. Add to that the fact that he dresses like a J.Crew model (What’s with those guys and their pants that don’t fit?) and he carries a briefcase instead of a backpack and, well, I’d be a fool if I didn’t put a thumbtack on his chair. The way I see it, I really have little choice in the matter.

And since it’s the first school day of the New Year, and January is a painfully long month, and Mrs. Stempen doesn’t stop teaching from the moment class begins and is still talking when we’re walking out the door—if you consider all that, I’m really doing everyone a favor. It’s probably the only fun we’ll have all month.

So I place the thumbtack on Duke’s chair, pretty certain he’ll thank me when he learns it’s the last time I’ll ever put a thumbtack on someone’s chair.

And then the craziest thing that has ever happened in the history of Penn Valley Middle School happens. Just as Duke is about to sit on the thumbtack, my thumbtack, my last thumbtack, Miranda Mullaly puts out her hand and stops him.

This really throws me off. I mean, who does Miranda Mullaly think she is?

“I believe this is yours,” she says, dropping the thumbtack into my hand.

She smiles at me, too. I don’t know why I never noticed her smile before, because it’s a good smile. I mean, it’s a great smile. An excellent smile.

She smiles like she means it.

She smiles like she’s happy.

She smiles like she likes me.

And she’s got great teeth.

I take the thumbtack and put it in my bag and smile right back at Miranda.

Is this a great start to the New Year or what?

All I can say is wow! I mean, wow!

Duke

I’m man enough to admit it. I owe my parents, Neal and Cassandra, a sincere apology. They have been regaling me since birth with the story of how they first met. Allegedly it was love at first sight when they met and fell for each other as undergrads at Duke University, where they both studied sociology. They fell in love and have never been apart. I often gag when I hear them tell the story.

But as of today I believe in love at first sight. Today, I fell in love with Miranda Mullaly and she, if I’m not terribly mistaken, fell in love with me. How do I know? Because this morning, in biology class, Miranda stuck out her arm to keep me from sitting on a thumbtack maliciously placed on my seat by that rapscallion Sam Dolan.

And not only did Miranda save me from the embarrassment of sitting on the tack, she saved Sam Dolan’s life as well. If I had sat on the tack, I probably would have smacked Sam Dolan’s empty head with my textbook. And I would’ve been doing everyone a favor, since Sam Dolan fancies himself some sort of hilarious “class clown” and thinks it’s his duty to entertain the school with moronic exploits, like a thumbtack on a real student’s chair.

But I really don’t care about the tack anymore. After Miranda saved me, we gazed deeply into each other’s eyes and something magical passed between us. “Her complexion was luminous, like that of apple-blossom through which the light falls . . .”1

She took my breath away.

Technically, this could not be considered love at first sight because Miranda and I have been classmates for years. But that is of little matter because I have never really seen Miranda before today. I now see her in a different light.

In order to better understand, I think the screenplay format would be helpful. And, since I’m probably going to write some movies after I’ve graduated from Harvard Medical School, a little screenwriting practice can’t hurt.

Here it goes:

INT.—CLASSROOM—MORNING

DUKE VANDERBILT SAGAMURA, thirteen, handsome, enters the classroom. Duke walks to his desk and is...