True Love - Hardcover

Über die Autorinnen und Autoren

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PREFACE

IT'S OPENING NIGHT, the first show of my first ever world tour.

This was the first time we'd be doing the full show that we had been planning and working on for more than six months. I am in full costume, backstage with the usual cast of characters. I bend down to give Emme and Max a kiss before my mom walks them off to watch the opening of the show. This was going to be the first time they'd see their mommy perform in front of thousands and thousands of people. The last time I was on stage like this, they were in my belly.

As they walk away, Emme looks back and stops. I'm being buckled into the rig on a twelve-by-twelve-inch platform. The huge, full-feather train of my white skirt pours over the edges and it must seem to her like I'm standing in a cloud. She seems a little nervous, but excited. I'm nervous, but controlling my fear. I'm about to ascend sixty feet into the air. I know it's crazy, because the crew is watching with faces that say, This is crazy! I give the operator the thumbs-up; he gives me the thumbs-up in return . . . and up I go, disappearing into the rafters until I am perched behind a huge video wall, where nobody can see me.

Emme looks up, watching me rise and rise and rise . . . From my perspective, everybody looks like little ants on the floor. I take a deep breath and think about the past year, all the hard work and the hard lessons that have led to this moment.

If I let myself, I could go weak in the knees. But I don't. I hold strong as the band plays the dramatic intro while the opening movie plays on the screen. And when the video wall splits open, I'm standing there, a hundred feet above the audience, and the crowd goes wild. The spotlight hits me, and in my best old Hollywood voice I say: "HELLO, LOVERS."

- - -

In this book I'm going to take you on the physical and emotional journey of the year I went on the first world tour of my career. The year that changed my life.

When I started planning the tour, I knew it was going to be the anchor for a very personal show. What I didn't expect was how cathartic it would end up being for me. The process of building the tour and performing it each and every night for audiences around the world helped me get back to who I am-someone who sings, who dances, who expresses herself and connects with people through music.

So many times I wanted to abandon writing this book because I knew it would be a difficult process, delving into the past and reliving some of my darkest moments. Also, I didn't want to be misread. I didn't want anything to overshadow the magnificence of this great journey. This book is not a detailed account of any of my relationships, famous or not. This is not a "tell-all," so I hope that's not what you're looking for. But by the end, I think you'll agree, you'll have gotten so much more. This book is about a series of patterns that go back as early as my childhood. This book is about my path and what I learned. It's the story of a transformative journey where I faced some of my greatest challenges, overcame some of my biggest fears, and emerged a stronger person than I've ever been. This is the story of how I discovered . . . the truest love of all.

My genuine intention and what I hope to accomplish with this book is that others can draw upon the experiences that changed the course of my life and find encouragement in the mantra that motivated the following pages:

You will live.

You will love.

You will dance again . . .

I

I wake up in bed alone. The silence in my room reminds me of the emptiness in my heart. I failed at love-again. Except this time, it wasn't just me. I am haunted by the inescapable thought that I let down my beautiful babies, Max and Emme. I wanted so badly for things to have turned out differently.

As lonely as this bed feels, I can't bring myself to get out of it.