Negotiation Generation: Take Back Your Parental Authority Without Punishment - Softcover

Griffin, Lynne Reeves

 
9780425217016: Negotiation Generation: Take Back Your Parental Authority Without Punishment
Softcover
ISBN 10: 0425217019 ISBN 13: 9780425217016
Verlag: Penguin Publishing Group, 2007

Inhaltsangabe

The classic power struggle between parents and children- demystified.

Nationally recognized behavior management expert Lynne Reeves Griffin offers a commonsense yet radical approach to parenting that will enable adults to win the tug-of-war with their children about what is, and isn't, acceptable behavior.

This proactive plan provides parents with the tools to reclaim their authority, establish boundaries, and cease negotiation tactics such as rewards and punishments, based on the specific ages and temperaments of each child. Featuring anecdotes from more than 20 years of parental consulting, the author reveals the real struggles parents face in raising today's children.

Die Inhaltsangabe kann sich auf eine andere Ausgabe dieses Titels beziehen.

Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Lynne Reeves Griffin, RN, MEd, is Executive Director of Proactive Parenting. She is a lecturer, writer, and consultant to parents, teachers, and health care professionals regarding child development, behavior management, and issues affecting today’s families. She is a frequent radio and television guest expert.

Auszug. © Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

Chapter 1
Children who don’t listen have parents who talk too much
Why too much power is a dangerous thing

Sam had the face of an angel from the moment he was born. His striking appearance and cheerful nature endeared him to everyone. His parents, Ellie and Chris created a world that revolved around Sam; they’d wanted a baby for so long. They fed him on demand. They let him sleep in their bed. They took him wherever they went. The sun rose and set on their beautiful baby boy. Every child should be so loved.

Until Sam was two, the lifestyle his parents created by pouring themselves into parenting was working. But increasingly, Sam tested his parents’ rules, and Ellie and Chris found it hard to set limits on his mischievous behavior. Sam’s good looks and sweet smile helped him get around the rules that seemed meant for everyone else. By three, others weren’t finding his behavior cute anymore. Friends and relatives nicknamed him Dennis the Menace, a nickname that served only to further excuse his behavior.

“Boys will be boys,” his dad said to more than a few people who began struggling with Sam’s complete disregard for rules. In preschool, he looked right at his teacher and threw a toy at her. When she tried to explain why he couldn’t throw things, he flashed his beautiful smile as he covered his ears shouting, “I’m not listening.”

By five, Sam had been asked to leave three preschools because his aggressive behavior was deemed unmanageable. Ellie and Chris repeatedly tried the suggestions teachers, pediatricians and friends gave them; nothing worked. Opposed to spanking, they tried time-out but Sam refused to sit or trashed his room. They took away his toys to which he shouted, “Fine. I don’t like Legos anyway.” The star chart with incentives worked for only one day. His parents pleaded with Sam to be a good boy and placed hope in the belief he’d outgrow this phase. And for a while he seemed to.

Sam loved school. He was bright, observant and a quick learner. His elementary teachers spoke highly of him and the promise he showed for writing and music. He was articulate and had so much to contribute.

But by ten, claims resurfaced about Sam’s aggression. This time, bullying other children was the common complaint. One suspension in fifth grade became two suspensions in sixth. He skipped school, and his grades began to spiral downward. Reports of disrespectful behavior were widespread.

By high school, Sam’s love of school was a distant memory. Sam no longer dreamed of college; his parents prayed he wouldn’t kill himself with drugs and alcohol. He drove the car his parents gave him into a tree, but lived to joke about it. At seventeen, he was expelled from high school for bringing a weapon to school. Today, Sam is as handsome as ever, but he doesn’t go to school or have a job, and he no longer has contact with his parents.

Parenting now and then
It didn’t have to be that way for Sam and his parents. All along, Sam’s engaging though persistent temperament coupled with his age-appropriate limit pushing was really quite predictable. At each stage of development, Sam needed clear boundaries and consistent follow through yet was unable to find them. Instead, Sam’s ability to push boundaries and disregard rules took him further away from the person he could have become. All along, Ellie and Chris loved their son and had the best of intentions for parenting him. What they didn’t have was a parenting approach to fit his age, his temperament, and his challenging behavior. They needed an approach that embraced the belief— if you can predict it, you can prevent it.

Unfortunately, Sam’s story of unfulfilled promise is common, though considered tame compared to other stories making headlines today. In fact, every evening you tune in to the nightly news, you’ll find a story that raises the question: what’s the matter with kids today? Where are their parents? A five-year-old girl was placed in handcuffs by police because she was beating up her kindergarten teacher. A ten-year-old baseball player hurt his disabled teammate, so the team would be more likely to win the next game. A teenage boy killed his girlfriend’s parents with a shotgun because he disagreed with her father over her curfew.

Why are children increasingly out of control? The answer is a plague of negotiable boundaries. The children and the families you hear about in these stories didn’t suddenly find themselves the subject of a news report or TV talk show because of an isolated incident. The outrageous examples of bad behavior you see everywhere you turn are the result of years of permissiveness flourishing like a virus.

Once upon a time, parents were parents and children were children. Limits were clear, adults were in charge. Then the pendulum swung the other way, and parents were told to “validate” their children’s feelings, and to encourage them to use their “words.” Parents found themselves negotiating everything from breakfast to bedtime. Is it any wonder today’s parents feel depressed, demeaned and downright confused about how to do their job?

Do you feel like you’ve entered the twilight zone of parenting as compared to previous generations? You have. A day doesn’t go by that there isn’t a new pressure to understand, or a new limit to be set. Cell phones, instant messaging, satellite radio and the Internet. New rules for dating, driving, dancing and all-night graduation parties. And don’t forget more homework, more after school activities and more college applications. Your parents didn’t have these particular issues to parent through, which makes it tough to look to them for advice.

With all the benefits of communication technology and the age of information, there are also drawbacks. Though cell phones keep us connected, the Internet keeps us informed and television keeps us entertained, parents have ever more to do. Uncharted territory means setting new rules, and then being there to enforce them.

Over the years, there has been a real blurring of boundaries between adults and children. Babies get earrings, five-year-olds get allowances, ten-year-olds have cell phones and sixteen-year-olds have their own cars. No longer do children have to wait for or earn privileges. And, of course how many times have you heard, “In my day, we did what we were told,” or “kids today don’t respect anyone or anything?”

I wish the nostalgia for the respect given parents in days gone by was just that, but unfortunately it is the result of parents who are no longer the authority in their child’s life, negotiating the big and the small.

Ted, the father of four teenage boys, has always shared his love of baseball with his sons. Hats, jackets, and tee shirts with Boston Red Sox logos are everywhere in Ted’s home. It wasn’t until Ted got a phone call from his youngest child’s middle school that he saw the clothing in a new light. “I couldn’t believe the principal called me at work. She told me to come get Innis because he was wearing a Yankees Suck tee shirt. The school has a ban on what she called ‘disrespectful clothing.’ I thought I told Innis not to wear that shirt to school.”

Ted’s situation highlights just how much the popular culture has changed and how desensitized most teens and adults are to it. Language was once tamer and role models were predominantly our neighbors, teachers and family friends. Now, language largely goes uncensored,...

„Über diesen Titel“ kann sich auf eine andere Ausgabe dieses Titels beziehen.

Verlag
Penguin Publishing Group
Erscheinungsdatum
2007
Sprache
Englisch
ISBN 10 
0425217019
ISBN 13 
9780425217016
Einband
Taschenbuch
Auflage
1
Anzahl der Seiten
272
Kontakt zum Hersteller
Nicht verfügbar
Verantwortliche Person
gpsr@libri.de
gpsr@libri.de

Friedensallee 273
Hamburg
22763
Deutschland