Click: The Forces Behind How We Fully Engage with People, Work, and Everything We Do - Softcover

Brafman, Ori; Brafman, Rom

 
9780385529068: Click: The Forces Behind How We Fully Engage with People, Work, and Everything We Do

Inhaltsangabe

You know the feeling. You meet someone new—at a party or at work—and you just hit it off. There is an instant sense of camaraderie.
 
In a word, you “click.”
 
From the bestselling authors of Sway, Click is a fascinating psychological investigation of the forces behind what makes us click with certain people, or become fully immersed in whatever activity or situation we’re involved in.  
 
From two co-workers who fall head over heels for each other while out to dinner and are married a month later (and fifteen years later remain just as in love), to a team of scientists who changed the world with the magic of their invention, these kinds of peak experiences, when our senses are completely focused on the moment, are something that individuals—and companies—strive to achieve. After all, when you’re in the “zone,” you’re happier and more productive. Why is it that we click in certain situations and with certain people, but not with others? Can this kind of magical connection be consciously encouraged?  Is there a way to create such peak experiences, whether on a date or in your job? 
 
According to Ori and Rom Brafman, there is. 
 
In a powerful, story-driven narrative that weaves together cutting-edge research in psychology and sociology, the Brafmans explore what it means to “click”: the common factors present when our brain and senses are fully engaged. They identify five “accelerators” that increase the likelihood of these kinds of magic connections in our work and relationships.
  
From actors vying for a role on a popular TV series to police officers negotiating with hostage takers, we learn how one can foster an environment where we can click with another person and shape our thinking, behavior, and emotions.
 
A fascinating journey into how we engage with the world around us, Click will transform our thinking about those moments when we are in the zone and everything seems to fall into place.
 
Acclaim for Sway:

“A provocative new book about the psychological forces that lead us to disregard facts or logic and behave in surprisingly irrational ways.” –New York Times
 
“A unique and compulsively readable look at unseen behavioral trends.” –Fortune

"A breathtaking book that will challenge your every thought, Sway hovers above the intersection of Blink and Freakonomics."--Tom Rath, coauthor of the New York Times #1 bestseller How Full Is Your Bucket?

“[An] engaging journey through the workings—and failings—of the mind…Their stories of senselessness…are as fascinating as the lessons we learn from them.” –Fast Company

"Count me swayed--but in this instance by the pull of entirely rational forces. Ori and Rom Brafman have done a terrific job of illuminating deep-seated tendencies that skew our behavior in ways that can range from silly to deadly. We'd be fools not to learn what they have to teach us."--Robert B. Cialdini, author of New York Times bestseller Influence

"If you think you know how you think, you'd better think again! Take this insightful, delightful trip to the sweet spot where economics, psychology, and sociology converge, and you'll discover how our all-too-human minds actually work."--Alan M. Webber, founding editor of Fast Company

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

ORI BRAFMAN is an organizational business consultant. ROM BRAFMAN is a psychologist with a private practice in Palo Alto, California. They are the coauthors of the New York Times bestseller Sway.

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CHAPTER 1

Finding Magic 

   Sitting by the pool at a Pasadena hotel, Paul was about to do something impulsive, even by his standards. 
   The Southern California evening breeze was starting to pick up. Anyone within earshot of Paul and the woman sitting across from him at the poolside table would have thought they’d known each other for years, al­though the pair had met only two days prior. They talked about everything from world travel to the 1970s antiwar movement to Socratic philosophy; their conversation had a casual, easy flow to it. Watching the two of  them— Nadia with her fine Mediterranean features and striking  jet- black hair and Paul with his rugged, all- American  looks— one had a sense that they fi t together. It was as if each was at­tuned to what the other was thinking. One moment they were laughing at embarrassing childhood stories and the next they were finishing each other’s sentences. If there’s such a thing as synergy between two people, it seemed al­most palpable here. 
   One would never have suspected that the two were os­tensibly meeting for work. At the time, Paul was in charge of the proposal for a $15 billion project to clean up a nu­clear weapons facility in Colorado. To help put the pro­posal together, Paul had assembled experts from around the world. The team had taken over an office building in Pasadena; the work was so intense that the office remained open 24/7. It was Paul’s role to make sure all the count­less moving parts worked together. But he was used to this level of intensity. A former officer in the army’s special forces, Paul was trained to make split- second decisions, and he has the kind of personality people instinctively re­spond to— he is a natural leader. In conversation, he fo­cuses intently on the other person’s every word, making it clear he’s fully present and is listening carefully.
Every morning at exactly 8:15 a.m., Paul assembled the top executives from the team to brief them about the strat­egy for the day. The meeting several days ago, though, had been different. From the beginning, Paul was keenly aware of the new team member, Nadia. “I immediately thought, Who is that?” He found himself instantly attracted to her. Nadia’s initial reaction to Paul seemed to be very differ­ent, however. It was her first day on the job. Her vacation in Paris had been abruptly cut short so that she could fl y to Pasadena and take over as the project’s chief operat­ing officer. If that  hadn’t soured her mood enough, Paul made a comment during the meeting— seemingly out of left field— that soured it further. 
   “I uttered something about there being nothing new in human relations since the time of Plato, Aristotle, and Socrates,” he recalled. “I don’t even remember why.”
A few minutes later, as Paul stood before the group, he noticed out of the corner of his eye a folded note being passed from person to person. As he continued speaking, the note eventually made its way to him. He unfolded it and read the first line: “I completely disagree with you.” The hand- scrawled note went on for an entire page. But it was unsigned. He looked up, searching for a nod from the note’s author. But all he got were blank stares. Only after the meeting had ended and the rest of his staff had fi led out of the room did Nadia walk up to Paul. 
   Remembers Nadia, “Here we haven’t met yet, and I just wrote him a note that said, ‘I don’t agree with you; what about the change in master- slave relations and relation­ships between men and women? There have been so many advances in society since then. How can you make such a comment? I’d like to discuss this with you.’ ”
Paul, instead of becoming defensive, was intrigued. “I’d like to continue the conversation with you,” he told her. 
   “Anytime,” she fired back. 
   Twelve hours later they were sitting by the pool. 
   They had told themselves that they intended to use the time not just to resolve the argument but also to delve into some important work issues. Work, however, never came up during their conversation together. Toward the end of the evening, the intensity of their interaction was difficult to ignore.
“Are we going to end up getting in trouble?” Paul asked Nadia, realizing that they were letting work get away from them.
“Yes,” she said simply. It was clear to her from the be­ginning that there was something special between them. “The moment he made that comment about Plato and Aris­totle,” she told us, “I knew. What we valued in life was very much the same, as were the things we thought were trivial. Who’s outrageous enough to even bring up Plato and Aris­totle in the middle of a strategy session? I mean, what does anybody who’s in there know about Plato and the Greeks, or care about them? He had that courage to be different.” 
   Having accomplished little of the work they had been planning to do, the pair decided to meet again the follow­ing night by the pool. And it was then that it happened. Paul looked at Nadia and asked, “What would you say if I told you that I loved you and wanted to marry you?” 
   Nadia retorted, “Is that a hypothetical or is that an offer?” 
   Paul said, “Let’s see what tomorrow brings.” 
   Let’s hit the pause button here. First, it’s worth noting that Paul and Nadia weren’t teenagers driven by hyperac­tive hormones. They were seasoned business executives. Like most of us, when they met a new person, they usu­ally spent their first moments sizing each other up, search­ing for something to talk about: Where are you from? What kind of work do you do? 
   Occasionally, though, an introduction to someone new is more intense and intimate from the get- go. Maybe we share the same sense of humor or we admire the other in­dividual’s personality or passion. Or we immediately sense that we can just be ourselves around that person. Things feel right; we hit it off. There is an immediate sense of fa­miliarity and comfort. Conversation flows easily, without embarrassing pauses or self- consciousness. In essence, we click.
This book is about those mysterious moments— when we click in life. Those moments when we are fully engaged and feel a certain natural chemistry or connection with a person, place, or activity. 
   In its simplest terms, clicking can be defined as an im­mediate, deep, and meaningful connection with another person or with the world around us. Typically, it takes weeks or months before most of us feel truly comfortable with a new person. We have to gain the other person’s trust, and he or she needs to gain ours. We need to find a common language, understand each other’s quirks, and establish an emotional bond. But sometimes this process is greatly accelerated, and the connection seems to form almost magically and instantaneously. 
   But this type of immediate, deep connection isn’t lim­ited to romantic love. Clicking can be equally deep and meaningful between future friends and can strike in the most unlikely of places. 
   For Jim West...

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