PEOPLE AND THINGS

Silver tea sets. Rock collections. Electric sanders. Stock certificates, marriage licenses, college diplomas, hundred-dollar bills. Blankies, hunting rifles, VCRs, computers, grandfather clocks. Boats. BMWs, Lamborginis, SUVs. The complete works of William Shakespeare. Stradivarius violins. The Mona Lisa. The Pyramids. Toothpicks, hooks and eyes, bottle caps, twist ties, cotton balls, brass fasteners, paper clips, dominos, buttons, knives, forks, and spoons.

None of us owns a single, solitary Thing permanently. Each of our Things flows through our fingers temporarily, on its way to somewhere else. Some Things are passed down from generation to generation; others are used for an instant and thrown away, recycled to form new Things, or allowed to dissolve into earth or ocean or air. Some Things become symbols of Things unseen, worshipped in temples constructed solely for their preservation or burned to ashes with incantations against them, others live humbler, more mundane lives: a pot, a stove, a coat, a hat, solid and comfortable, always there for us when we need them, beloved old friends.

Each of us has our own unique style of approaching the Things in our lives. Ruthie Bagger loves to shop for bargains, stockpiling shoes and Tupperware, candles and boxes of greeting cards. Jason Stickshift goes into a rage if anyone touches his car. Griselda Backglance still keeps all of Herbie's Things exactly as he left them even though her husband has been dead for nearly twenty years. Harry Openhand never lets a guest leave his house without a gift. Millie Squalor tosses her clothes carelessly into a heap; Nancy Neatfreak hangs up each garment carefully as she takes it off. Little Marty Gemini screams, "Don't touch MY blocks!" when anyone approaches his tower; Little Mickey Gemini carries his blocks one by one to give to each person around the room.

A lot goes into determining how you and your Things get along. As with most areas of human experience, this is a combination of nature and nurture. Nature consists of genetically programmed "brain wiring," i.e., how much of different types of chemicals you have in your brain and how they're distributed and used. Certain types of brain wiring may predispose you to dysfunctional Thing habits: from hoarding unnecessary Things, to heedless tossing rather than careful placing, to random piling rather than logical systematizing, to fearfully holding on to your Things instead of joyfully sharing them.

Nurture includes the influences not only of childhood caregivers but of family, friends, co-workers, culture, community, nation, and world throughout your life. Little Marty's parents may teach him to share or not to share. Millie's husband may accept her messiness or take issue with it. Ruthie's buying behavior may or may not be encouraged by aggressive, manipulative advertising.

As with people, a dysfunctional relationship with Things is a preoccupied relationship. We are preoccupied with the need to acquire, the need to organize, and the need to hang on to Things, putting off living until we have perfected our control over the material world, which always seems to elude us. Some folks are frustrated by never acquiring the one Thing that will satisfy them, others by their inability to get rid of Things they no longer use. Many feel overwhelmed by piles of Things that seem to breed like rabbits. Others spend hours perfecting already adequate systems, arranging and rearranging, filing and refiling, never feeling organized enough.

The good news is that no matter what your brain is like and no matter what has happened to you, you do not have to remain at war with your Things. Every one of us has the ability to develop healthy Thing-management skills. This means learning to say no to yourself about excess Things, to let go of those Things you can no longer use or enjoy, and to effectively organize and maintain the Things you keep, so that instead of taxing your energy they serve your needs and beautify your life.

To achieve this, all you need is the willingness to take an honest look at yourself.

THINGS AS AN ISSUE

For some of us, Things have become an Issue. An issue is a conflict that is always with you, a little black cloud that hangs over you day and night, no matter where you go, blocking out the sun. You can never quite enjoy yourself as long as an issue continues to hover. An issue prevents you from becoming who you truly are. An issue fills you with shame, often coupled with secrecy. An issue about Things means that you feel that some aspect of your behavior in relation to Things is OUT OF CONTROL.

There are many ways that your behavior may be out of control with Things. Psychotherapists' favorite diagnosis and treatment manual, currently known as the DSM-IV-TR, contains a number of psychiatric disorders with symptoms relating to Things, including, among others:

• Developmental Coordination Disorder (Dropping Things)

• Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (Losing Things)

• Kleptomania (Stealing Things)

• Intermittent Explosive Disorder (Smashing Things)

• Schizophrenia (Seeing Things that aren't there)

• Phobias (Avoiding Things)

• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (Overorganizing Things)

• Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (Hoarding Things)

• Pica (Eating nonedible Things)

• Anorexia (Not eating edible Things)

• Pathological Gambling (Risking Things)

• Fetishism (Having sex with Things)

• Pyromania (Setting Things on fire)

• Autism (Staring at Things for a very long time)

Of course, you don't have to qualify for any of these diagnoses to have a Thing issue. The most common issue with Things isn't listed in the DSM-IV at all. This is the issue of clutter. When clutter is perpetual, long-lasting, and resistant to change, organizers call this "chronic disorganization," a term first used by Judith Kolberg, founder of the National Study Group on Chronic Disorganization. When you're chronically disorganized, you feel that you are in constant danger of being buried alive by your Things.

Although millions of people struggle with clutter and chronic...