Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Lysa TerKeurst is president and chief visionary officer of Proverbs 31 Ministries and the author of seven New York Times bestsellers, including I Want to Trust You, But I Don't, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, Forgiving What You Can't Forget, and It's Not Supposed to Be This Way. She enjoys life with her husband Chaz and her kids and grandkids. Connect with her at www.LysaTerKeurst.com or on social media @LysaTerKeurst.

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Unglued Participant's Guide

Zondervan

Contents

About the Study..................................................7How to Use This Guide............................................9SESSION 1 Grace for the Unglued..................................11SESSION 2 Freedom for the Unglued................................41SESSION 3 Four Kinds of Unglued..................................73SESSION 4 A Procedure Manual for the Unglued.....................105SESSION 5 Lingering Words for the Unglued........................135SESSION 6 imperfect Progress for the Unglued.....................165

Chapter One

Welcome!

Welcome to session 1 of Unglued. If this is your first time together as a group, take a moment to introduce yourselves to each other before watching the video. Then let's get started!

Video: Grace for the Unglued (18 MINUTES)

Play the video segment for session 1. As you watch, use the outline (pages 11–13) to follow along or to take notes on anything that stands out to you.

Notes

Raw emotions—anger, frustration, bitterness, resentment—are the feelings we tend to hide from people we want to impress but spew on those we love the most.

Feelings should be indicators, not dictators.

Our goal in this study isn't to be perfect. Our goal is to make imperfect progress.

Joshua had to settle a crucial question (Joshua 6:1–5).

"Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went up to him and asked, `Are you for us or for our enemies?'" (Joshua 5:13).

Joshua is talking to the presence of God.

God's response to Joshua's question: "neither" (Joshua 5:14a).

Joshua was asking the wrong question.

The crucial question Joshua needed to settle was, "Joshua, whose side are you on?"

Joshua settled that question and it gave him the courage to face his wall of impossibility.

We must settle this question as well. In our unglued situations, are we going to be on God's side or not?

How to remain on God's side:

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer" (Psalm 19:14, NIV 1984).

Ask yourself: What words am I speaking about this person? What thoughts am I having about this person?

1. Use truth.

2. Use self-control.

3. Use prayer.

Group Discussion

Video Debrief (5 MINUTES)

If your group meets for two hours, allow 10 minutes for this discussion.

1. What part of the video teaching had the most impact on you?

From Raw Reactions to Imperfect Progress (10 MINUTES)

If your group meets for two hours, allow 20 minutes for this discussion.

2. Which of the following animals best characterizes how you tend to respond when you are in an unglued situation? Share the reasons for your response.

Wounded bear: I am hurt and unpredictable, so watch out.

Agitated skunk: I may or may not create a stink, but the threat is always there.

Deceptive peacock: Who me? I'm not upset. Look at all my pretty feathers!

Crouching tiger: I may not attack now, but I will strike back when you least expect it.

Screech owl: Prepare for a tirade!

Barricading beaver: no time to say what I'm really feeling. I'm too busy building a wall between us.

Other:

3. On the video, Lysa said that the goal of this study isn't to be perfect; the goal is to make imperfect progress—slow steps of change wrapped in grace.

• Generally speaking, what comes to mind when you think about trying to make a change? examples: I don't want this. Finally—something new! This is going to hurt. Change is bad. I'm excited to see what happens.

• What was your initial response to Lysa's description of imperfect progress? How was your response similar to or different from the kind of thoughts you typically have when you think about change?

The Crucial Question (15 MINUTES)

If your group meets for two hours, allow 25 minutes for this discussion.

4. The book of Joshua is about conquering enemy territory. God's people have just emerged from forty years of desert wandering and are finally ready to claim the Promised Land as their own. After spying on the enemy (Joshua 2:1–3) and leading his own people to recommit themselves to God (Joshua 5:2–12), Joshua is on his way to survey the walls of Jericho in preparation for battle. But before he arrives, he discovers that a man he does not know is there ahead of him:

Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went up to him and asked, "Are you for us or for our enemies?"

"Neither," he replied, "but as commander of the army of the Lord I have now come." Then Joshua fell facedown to the ground in reverence, and asked him, "What message does my Lord have for his servant?"

The commander of the Lord's army replied, "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy." And Joshua did so. (Joshua 5:13–15)

In this brief exchange, the commander of the Lord's army essentially says, "I'm not here to take sides. I'm here to take over." Joshua, whom God has charged with taking posSESSION of the land (Joshua 1:1–9), suddenly experiences a radical reorientation—about his role and about the battle he faces.

• How would you describe the shifts in Joshua's perspective—specifically, what do you think changes in how he sees his role and the battle he faces?

• Joshua's first question rebounds, forcing him to ask himself a crucial question: Whose side am I on? How does this question shift your perspective about your role in the battles you face, and about the battles themselves?

• What additional questions might this shift in perspective (or the story overall) stir up in you about your unglued experiences?

Optional Group Discussion: David's Impossible Battle (20 MINUTES)

If your group meets for two hours, include this discussion as part of your meeting.

1. Read aloud portions of the David and Goliath story in 1 Samuel 17:4–11, 45–47. (If time permits, it's worthwhile to read all of chapter 17.)

2. How would you characterize the similarities and differences between Joshua's situation and David's situation?

3. God's work in Joshua's story is obvious and dramatic—the commander of the Lord's army appears to Joshua and gives clear instructions. How do you recognize God uniquely at work in David's story?

4. In what ways, if any, does David's story shift your perspective about your own impossible battles? For example, how does it help you to recognize how God might be at work in your difficulties? How does it help you understand what it might mean to find the courage you need to move ahead?

Choosing God's Side (15 MINUTES)

If your group meets for two hours, allow 25 minutes for this discussion.

5. Settling the crucial question—that he is on God's side—gives Joshua the courage he needs to face his wall of impossibility in a new way. We may not have all the answers when we find ourselves in an unglued moment, but we can use the prayer of the psalmist to shift our perspective and to position ourselves on God's side:

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of...