CHAPTER 1

The Power of Words

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of thewise brings healing."

—Proverbs 12:18

God Spoke

Before there was Earth as we know it, there were words. Godspoke long before we ever even took a breath. "And God said,'Let there be light.'" Genesis 1:3—the third verse in the wholeBible. That's pretty early for God to start using words. But Hedid. God spoke. And the world began. That's it. He spoke andthere was an ocean, and He spoke and beaches blocked thewater from overtaking the land. He spoke and giraffes pokedout their long necks, stars shined, dogs wagged their tails, treesblossomed, humans breathed.

God could have created any way He wanted to, right? I mean,He could have coughed out clouds or molded hippos with Hishands; He could have merely thought about mountains andthey would be there.

But He chose to use words to create. And it was good.

Every time God speaks in the Bible, things change. You cansee it throughout the Old Testament and the New Testament.Whether it is a circumstance, a heart, or a weather pattern,things change when the Father says it or Jesus commands it.Remember? It was THE WORD that became flesh (see John 1:1).

And we are made in His image, modeled after Him. The Onewho creates life with words, that is our makeup, our DNA.

We do the same thing.

Create

We have two options when we use our words: we can build orwe can destroy. The Bible puts it even more seriously than that:

Proverbs 18:21

The tongue has the power of life and death. (NIV)Words kill, words give life. (The Message)

And that's true for you too, isn't it? I know it is true for me.I can tell you story after story of how someone's words gave melife, built me up, strengthened me. And I can tell you stories ofhow words have broken my heart.

They. Are. Powerful.

I know this because I've felt it over and over. But this onetime in seventh grade left a defining mark on my heart. Wordschanged me forever.

That year, my social studies teacher was Mr. Samson. Hisclassroom was the first one on the left. It had lots of windowsand the desks were squished together. I sat between two boysand behind my best friend. I watched, one day, as one of the boysborrowed a tiny green piece of paper from my friend Jessica andbegan to make some sort of list. I don't know how I knew, but Iknew that list was about me. I couldn't see it, but watching himwrite told me everything. I was equal parts worried and curious.

Class ended. Mark ripped the green paper into tiny squares,and as he walked out of the classroom he dropped them in thetrash can. After the classroom cleared, I slowly packed up, andwith Mr. Samson's eyes following my every move I knelt downand scooped up those tiny squares from the trash and shovedthem into the left front pocket of my acid-wash jeans.

(The 90s, y'all. You missed some great jeans.)

I rushed out of the room. I never looked back. I didn't wantto acknowledge what my teacher and I both knew: I was goingto regret digging in the trash.

I got home that afternoon, and after dinner I went upstairsto my room and spread those squares out across the carpetedfloor. Like completing some type of evil puzzle, I mixed andmatched pieces until the frayed edges met and the words beganto come together. I taped the pieces as they lined up, and sincethe pieces were so small the paper started to feel laminated withScotch Tape.

I began to read the text in that classic middle-school dudechicken-scratch handwriting. It was a list of every girl in ourclass with one word to describe them.

I zeroed in on my own name. And my line looked like this:

Annie = Flabby

It's not even that this was necessarily untrue—I've beenoverweight a long time. But what hurt my feelings was that ofall the words my friend could pick to describe me, THAT wasthe top one? Seriously? How about "funny" or "kind" or "silly"or "smart"? Those were true too. But "flabby" was the one hewanted to label me. And so it was.

I can still see it. In one instant, I can pull forward that mentalimage of that piece of paper; probably because I kept that paperuntil I finished high school. Tucked safely under a box of costumejewelry in the top drawer of my dresser, this ratty greenpiece of paper survived far longer than any of those middleschool friendships or most of the information I learned in thatsocial studies class. (Sorry, Mr. Samson.)

I don't know why I kept it. Maybe it was just to be mean tomyself (something we'll talk about later), or maybe I just felt likeI had earned it or that it was a prize for my sleuthing. Either way,it broke my heart every time I saw it, whether I pulled it out of thedrawer or simply saw a corner peeking out from under the stacks.

In my book Perfectly Unique, I tell the story of how I onceduct-taped myself in high school to try to fit into an outfit Iwanted to wear. Because of the words others had said to me, likein this note—and, honestly, because of the words I had said tomyself—I hated me and I acted out of that.

You see, words lead to actions. Words change things.

It was words that wounded me. And words that healed me.

I could keep going. You could too, couldn't you? We could sithere and swap stories until my mug of chai was empty and thecoffee shop workers began to sweep the floors and turn off theneon OPEN light. Because if you are a girl, you have experiencedthe pain of words firsthand.

I know you have.

I know because I've been a girl my whole life. Yes, allthirty-three years of it. And I've known a lot of girls. AndI've talked to a lot of girls. And I've been mean to girls.

So. I know you know.

The question is, what do we do with that?

The Plan

We are a new generation. A loud generation. You are communicatingall the time. Whether it's talking, or texting, throughFacebook or Instagram or other corners of the Internet, you areusing your words. So let's chat, for the next few chapters, abouthow we can use our words to impact our world for the better.

Because, hi, you can.

So here's how we're going to do this:

First of all, let's focus on how you talk to God and aboutGod. Because really, friend, that's what it is all about. Maybeyou know Him well or maybe you don't. But my prayer for you,by the end of this book, is that you will see Him more clearlyand love Him more deeply and speak differently to Him andabout Him. Also, God is always speaking love—are you hearingHim? He is our model, He is our example. How God uses Hiswords is how we can learn to use ours.

As I told you, I've been a Christian since I was five. I rememberthe day I got saved, and I was serious about it. But throughoutmy life, I haven't always been good at talking to God. Iworried that I was saying too much or not enough. Even harderfor me as a teen? Talking about God. The pressure, OH THEPRESSURE, to get my friends SAVED! Everything I said matteredin a life-or-eternal-death way.

It's different now for me. My relationship with God is different,deeper, truer, and talking about Him is like talking aboutone of my favorite people. Because He is my favorite. I'm learningevery day how to speak love because I see how God speakslove to me and to others.

Speaking of people, isn't that who gets the brunt of ourwords? The people in your world? I think of my two sisters,bless them, dealing with my word struggles for so many years.In anger, I would jab and stab with just the right words to hurtthem. On purpose. You see, constructing sentences and findinggreat words have always been tools in my toolbox. I just usedto use them to hurt, not help. To lie instead of tell the truth. Tobreak instead of heal.

(I'm grateful for my sisters' forgiveness. And God's.)

So we're going to spend a chunk of this time together talkingabout other people: your family, your friends, BOYS BOYSBOYS, celebrities, enemies, teachers, those in your real life andyour online life. You're using a lot of words these days, sister.

And we're going to talk about her. The Mean Girl. She usesher words, doesn't she? I have strong feelings toward her andhow we should treat her and, to be honest, I want to get rid ofthe mean girls of the world.

I think we can do it.

There's another girl who gets our attention as well. You knowher. You are her. Believe it or not, the words you use towardyourself are powerful and defining. It would be wrong of meto talk with you about every other person who gets your wordsand leave off the one who is often the victim ... you.

I believe in the Bible. It is true. I find hope in it, this massivecollection of God-breathed words. And the more we can fill ourminds with those words, the deeper our relationship with Godgoes and the more our words come out of that place. So eachchapter of this book is going to have a memory verse. I'm notthe boss of you, so I can't make you memorize them. But I hopeyou will. I really do.

This one has been following me since that first Girls of Graceevent in Phoenix. And as I've worked to memorize it I havegrown to love it and believe it and breathe it.

Proverbs 12:18

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of thewise brings healing.

Memorize it, my friend. And live it. May the Holy Spirit presson you when you are stabbing someone—or yourself—with areckless word. And may you see the healing, feel the healing,that comes from the tongue of the wise.

The sun has set outside Portland Brew. I'm about thirty minutesfrom meeting two of my best friends for dinner at the barbequeplace across the street. But this is one of those conversationsthat I wish could keep going. You know, the kind where you seethe clock ticking away but you wish it would stop?

I wish it would stop.

Thanks to the magic of words on a page, our conversationcan go on. So let's keep talking and work through how we willchange this world by using our words to speak love.

Your Words Matter

At the end of each chapter, you're gonna see this section: YourWords Matter. Because they do. After you read my words,you should use some of your own. This is when I think youshould maybe grab your journal, head to a quiet spot, and thinkthrough some of what you've read. This will also give you someverses to read, a reminder of your memory verse, and somethings you can do to speak love into your world.

Memorize the Word

Some suggestions: Write this verse in your journal, write it ona note card and stick it in your locker, or use dry erase markersto write it on your bathroom mirror!

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of thewise brings healing.

—Proverbs 12:18

Read the Word

Here are the verses I talked about, and a few others. I've listedthem in the Bible versions I use the most—if you use a differentone, that's cool. Check out different translations and see whatGod speaks to your heart!

• Joshua 4–5

• Genesis 1:3

• John 1:1

• Proverbs 18:21

• Zephaniah 3:17

• 2 Corinthians 5:17

Journal Your Words

These are just a few questions and/or thoughts that you can useto jump-start your journaling.

• What part of using my words well do I find the mostchallenging?

• When can I remember someone being unkind to me withwords?

• What does it really mean to me that words have the powerof life and death?

• How do I want to be different when I'm done reading thisbook?

Use Your Words

Each chapter will offer you a little challenge—a way to use yourwords to speak love. Whether it is talking face to face, writing anote, or communicating online, you'll get practical ways to dowhat the chapter talked about.

• Tell someone that you are reading Speak Love and tell themwhy. Maybe it's your parents or your small group leader oryour soccer coach or your best friend. Just let someone elseknow why this book and this topic are important to you.