Über die Autorinnen und Autoren

Mark Matlock has been working with youth pastors, students, and parents for more than two decades. He’s the Executive director of Youth Specialties and founder of WisdomWorks Ministries and PlanetWisdom. He’s the author of several books including The Wisdom On series, Living a Life That Matters, Don’t Buy the Lie, and Raising Wise Children. Mark lives in Texas with his wife, Jade, and their two teenage children.

Christopher Lyon is a writer, editor, web content manger and pastor – but rarely all at once.  Mostly he looks for creative ways to teach and write about the Bible for other people like him who are trying to figure out what to do about it,. He has written lots of books, Bible studies, worship videos, movie reviews, blog posts and snarky Facebook comments. He and his wife Rebekah and their son Sam make a pretty good team most of the time.  See what else he’s made at WordsClinkInc.com.

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Ideas for Parents

Zondervan

Contents

Acknowledgments...................................................13Introduction: How to Use This Book................................15PART 1 RELATIONSHIPS AND FEELINGS................................19Section 1: Family Relationships...................................21Section 2: Adoption And Identity..................................47Section 3: Anger And Rebellion....................................69Section 4: Stress, Anxiety, Fear, And Sadness.....................87Section 5: Sex And Self-Control...................................111PART 2 DAILY LIFE................................................133Section 6: Media Matters..........................................135Section 7: Money..................................................155Section 8: Success................................................165Section 9: School.................................................179Section 10: Celebrations and Holidays.............................201PART 3 SPIRITUAL SHEPHERDING......................................245Section 11: General Wisdom........................................247Section 12: Missions, Evangelism, and Service.....................263Section 13: Ongoing Discipleship..................................281Section 14: Praying For and With Your Kids........................309Section 15: The Big Truths........................................335Epilogue..........................................................361Notes.............................................................363

Chapter One

FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

This section offers Real World Parents some practical advice on how to deepen and expand family connections. You know, of course, that you should be more than just housemates with your kids; but as their lives become as busy as yours, that feeling of belonging together can fade.

How do I maintain those bonds with my kids? What can I do if I sense that my kids are pulling away in an unhealthy manner? And what can we actually do together that will be more meaningful than staring at different screens in the same room?

This section will address those questions and more.

Section Contents:

• Parenting Q&A with Bart Millard of MercyMe: Show Up and Be Real

• Parenting Q&A and Activity with Richard Ross: Rebuild the Heart Connection with Your Child

• Idea: Ask Again What You Really Know

• Idea: Give the Gift of Your Attention

• Activity: Play "Show Us Your Day"

• Activity: Toast Each Other

• Activity: Fill the Love Jar

• Wise Counsel from Steve Greenwood: Say "I'm Sorry" Together

PARENTING Q&A

SHOW UP AND BE REAL

BART MILLARD OF MERCYME

Bart Millard, lead singer of the hugely popular Christian music group MercyMe, was at one time an unlikely candidate to become either an internationally recognized recording artist or a representative for Christ from stages around the globe. Growing up, his home life was often challenging at best, leaving him cold toward the big ideas taught at the church he was forced to attend.

But something changed during his freshman year in high school. More specifically, someone changed. Bart's dad responded to a crisis in their lives by drawing close to God in a way he'd never done before—and Bart was watching. That response not only changed Bart's relationship with God and with his dad, but it's still impacting his parenting choices today.

What was your family like growing up?

My parents divorced when I was three. My dad was verbally abusive. He never laid a finger on Mom, but he was a very big and strong guy. If there was a diamond necklace she loved, he would destroy that in front of her—that kind of guy. It was pretty rough.

We lived with her for a while, from when I was about three years old until third grade. I [spent] every other weekend with my dad.

And then my mom remarried. She had actually been married once already to [my] extremely abusive stepdad [who] had broken her arm. She got out of that marriage and remarried again to a really great guy, and he was transferred [from Dallas] to San Antonio.

My brother [Stephen], who's five years older than I am, really wanted to stay with his friends, and he had a really great relationship with my dad—we both did. So [my parents] decided they would let Stephen stay with dad and live in the Dallas area and go to school. And they didn't want to separate my brother and me.

I ended up living with my dad from third grade up until I was on my own, [which happened] when he passed away when I was nineteen. So I spent most of my life with my dad. I would see my mom on holidays.

My dad was a scary guy to live with. He had a really bad temper. But I was a pretty rebellious kid at times early in life. I found myself getting in trouble a lot and kind of paying the price, too. My dad spanked me a lot.

And then in my freshman year in high school, my father was diagnosed with cancer. That was probably one of the best things that happened to me and my dad, which is kind of ironic. But that's when my dad got his life right with Christ. He started to fall intimately in love with Jesus. And by the time my freshman year in college came around, when my father passed away, he had gone from [being] this guy I was really afraid of becoming one day to a guy I wanted to be when I grew up.

Bart, you've told me your dad made you go to church every Sunday, even though he didn't go. But it wasn't until your dad started falling in love with Jesus himself that you really connected to God. What would you say to parents who take their kids to church every Sunday but don't go themselves? Talk a little about how the authenticity of your father's transformation made a real difference in your life.

First, I do give him credit for just making me go to church, because there was structure there that didn't exist in my life growing up. Dad would get me to church. He'd make the church van come and pick me up at home. He'd get me there.

There was definitely a little double standard. The guy was incredibly mean-tempered. He could lose it at any moment, but [he would say], "You're going to church." I used to resist that. But it did instill in me that there's definitely a need to be there.

And then when he was diagnosed, something changed to where all of this going-to-church business took on life. I started seeing a transformation in my dad when no one else was watching, which was very unusual for me. I saw somebody making godly decisions and apologizing and encouraging and doing these things I'd heard about in church but had never happened to me.

The Bible would be left open by his bed every night, and I saw his attitude transform in front of me. I started seeing what it meant to actually have a relationship with Christ—to intimately love Christ. That's when everything changed for me in a huge way. All of a sudden, I had a desire to be a part of the body of Christ.

It's huge for any kid to go through that when they're in the middle of high school, in the middle of knowing everything and thinking they've got it all together—to see my dad wither away but at the same time become stronger and stronger in his faith.

In addition to your dad letting you see how God was changing him, is there anything else your parents did for you in the middle of all the craziness of your growing-up years that turned out to be...