CHAPTER 1

Deception Infection

Telling Ourselves the Truth

The ingenuity of self-deception is inexhaustible.—Hannah Moore

As a pastor, I rarely confess to watching American Idol, since it soundskind of ... idolatrous. Nevertheless, I've been known to catch a fewweeks each season (or maybe all of them, but who's counting?). Myfavorites are the first few shows as the panel travels around the countryfor auditions. If you don't believe people are easily self-deceived,you only have to watch these tryouts to change your mind. It's difficultto comprehend how many horrifically bad singers truly believethey deserve to be the next vocal superstar!

While we often laugh (or cringe, if you're more compassionatethan I am) and wonder how a person can be so out of touch withreality, so unaware of their utter lack of talent, I'm afraid I actuallyunderstand their problem. You see, I have another confession to sharewith you, one that I'm even more embarrassed to disclose. Growingup, I not only loved to sing, but I thought I was a great singer. I'd wailout "You Ain't Nothin' but a Hound Dog" or "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction"at the top of my lungs, convinced that it was only a matter oftime before I was discovered. Holding my invisible microphone, I'dshake my hips like Elvis, pout my lips like Mick Jagger, and snarl likeBilly Idol. No wonder I sounded like a wounded animal!

Convinced of my future stardom, in the fifth grade I auditionedfor our grade school choir. The choir consisted of fifty singers; fifty-twokids were trying out. Obviously, two unfortunate wannabeswould not make the cut. I figured the odds were clearly stacked in myfavor. This was my big chance to let others in on the secret talent thatwould make me a household name someday.

Yes, you are absolutely correct about what happened at the auditions.I was one of the two that went home crying because I didn'tmake the stupid choir! So each time I see some poor clueless youngman or woman singing off-key on Idol, surprised at Randy Jackson's"That's enough, Dawg," it's easy for me to understand their self-deception.What's more challenging for me to understand is how theirfriends and family support and perpetuate their delusion. Those poormothers making obscene gestures at the judges for not recognizingtheir baby's amazing vocal talent!

As we see ourselves through the lens of our experiences, beliefs,and perspectives, we all have our blind spots. As the Bible describesthe problem, "The heart is deceitful above all things" (Jer. 17:9). Nomatter how objective we hope to be, our viewpoint is always distortedto some—sometimes large—degree. Here's the challenge. The longerwe view ourselves through a distorted lens, the more likely we are tobelieve a distorted truth. The longer we lie to ourselves, deceive ourselves,or remain in denial about the truth, the more likely we are tobase our decisions and actions on this false belief system.

Flattery Will Get You Somewhere

If you're like most people, when you read about self-deception, it'seasy to think of a few people who fall into that category, but chancesare that in your mind, you are not one of them. The reason is clear. Wedon't know what we don't know about ourselves. And often we don'twant to know. I believe God put this book into your hands becausehe loves you so much, he wants to help show you anything in your lifethat is polluting his plan for you, including your shortcomings andthe defenses you may be placing around them.

Since we see ourselves from only one perspective, it's incrediblydifficult to get an accurate picture of ourselves. In order to see intoour blind spots, we must use different mirrors held at different angles.I'd like to provide you with some of these mirrors in order to exposethe toxic behaviors that tend to sneak up on all of us. They're oftenpresent on a daily basis, and even though we can't see them, they canaccumulate inside us and poison the well of our souls.

Why can't we see our self-generated toxins? David answers thisquestion in Psalm 36:2–3 when he describes a deceived sinner: "Intheir own eyes they flatter themselves too much to detect or hatetheir sin. The words of their mouths are wicked and deceitful; theyfail to act wisely or do good" (emphasis mine). Notice how Davidputs it, that some people "flatter themselves too much." They lie tothemselves and don't even know it. And they've become so skilledat self-deception that they cannot detect or confess their sins. Basically,we manufacture our own poison and administer regular dosesto ourselves.

Chances are good you know someone like this. Perhaps you havea friend who gossips all the time. He says boastfully, "I don't gossip;I'm just telling you so you can pray for them." You and everyoneelse know he's a gossip. Or maybe you have a family member whois off-the-charts rude. Yet she would tell you, "I'm not trying to beoffensive; I just tell it like it is." Odds are you know someone who hasa drinking problem. Yet this person denies having any problem andadamantly believes he can quit at any time. You might have a friendwho thinks he's God's gift to women, but you and everyone else knowhe's an arrogant, womanizing, self-centered jerk. You possibly workfor a woman who thinks she's a great leader at the office, but everyoneelse knows that she is a micromanaging,...