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Tom Holladay is the senior teaching pastor at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California. Tom’s passion in ministry is to help people discover a love for the Bible and an understanding of God’s truth that changes the way they live. He also assists Rick Warren in teaching Purpose-Driven Church conferences to Christian leaders all over the world. Books he has written include The Relationship Principles of Jesus, Love Powered Parenting, and Foundations: 11 Core Truths to Build Your Life On. He also teaches DriveTime Devotions, a daily ten-minute podcast with more than 26 million downloads. He and his wife, Chaundel, have three children and six grandchildren.

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What would you give to radically improve, even transform, what matters most in your relationships?How about forty days of your time?In forty days, bring new depth and health to your marriage, your family, and your friendships. Six weeks to explore and implement six foundational principles that Jesus taught and lived. You'll be equipped with insights and a practical path for fulfilling God's intention for all your relationships---even the difficult ones.Shaped after Rick Warren's monumental bestseller, The Purpose Driven Life, this book invites you to learn from the Master of relationships. The Relationship Principles of Jesus will profoundly shape how you view relationships.

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The Relationship Principles of Jesus

Zondervan

Contents

Foreword by Rick Warren...................................................................11Introduction..............................................................................15DAY 1 Nothing Is More Important Than Relationships........................................21DAY 2 The Attraction of Lesser Things.....................................................29DAY 3 Love God with All Your Heart........................................................41DAY 4 Love God with All Your Soul.........................................................49DAY 5 Love God with All Your Mind and Strength............................................57DAY 6 Love Everyone as Your Neighbor......................................................65DAY 7 Love Someone as Your Neighbor.......................................................73DAY 8 The Impossible Challenge............................................................81DAY 9 The Power of Jesus' Command.........................................................89DAY 10 The Power of New...................................................................95DAY 11 Feelings Are Important!............................................................101DAY 12 Act Immediately, Act Radically.....................................................109DAY 13 Choose to Fellowship, Choose to Forgive............................................117DAY 14 Choose to Accept, Choose to Sacrifice..............................................125DAY 15 Communication Isn't Easy!..........................................................137DAY 16 The Foundation Is Trust............................................................145DAY 17 The Connection between Mouth and Heart.............................................153DAY 18 A New Kind of Honesty..............................................................159DAY 19 God Is in the Conversation.........................................................167DAY 20 How to Be Truly Heard..............................................................175DAY 21 Troubleshooting Communication......................................................183DAY 22 The Danger of Judgment.............................................................195DAY 23 Say No to Hypocrisy................................................................201DAY 24 Say Yes to Integrity...............................................................207DAY 25 Say Now to Mercy...................................................................213DAY 26 Understanding God's Mercy..........................................................223DAY 27 Understanding God's Judgment.......................................................229DAY 28 Seeing the Truth about Yourself....................................................239DAY 29 The Desire to Be Great.............................................................251DAY 30 How Humility Handles Ambition......................................................257DAY 31 How Humility Handles Our Need to Be Noticed........................................263DAY 32 How Humility Handles Our Tendency to Compare.......................................271DAY 33 How Humility Handles Our Relationship with God.....................................277DAY 34 Vine and Branches..................................................................283DAY 35 The Daily Decision of Humility.....................................................289DAY 36 The Big Question...................................................................297DAY 37 Love Is Sacrificial................................................................303DAY 38 Love Your Enemies..................................................................309DAY 39 Forget the Ideal, Go for the Real..................................................317DAY 40 The Relationship Principles of Jesus...............................................323APPENDIX 1: Questions for Friends, Couples, and Small Groups..............................327APPENDIX 2: Bible Versions................................................................334

Chapter One

Relationships are painful. Relationships are wonderful. We all live in the drama that plays out between these two truths.

I think of Neal and Robin when I think of the drama of relationships. Married for only a few years, their life together had started strong. And then, with a suddenness that tore their world apart, Robin suffered a brain hemorrhage. As I sat with Neal in the waiting room on the night it happened, we heard the doctor speak in hushed tones about high-risk surgery and low odds of success. Even if Robin were to survive the surgery, she would likely be in a semiconscious state for the rest of her life. Neal's immediate response was simple faith and sacrificial love. He believed that God had a plan even in this dire circumstance, and Neal was committed to love Robin, no matter what it would take.

Robin survived the surgery, and Neal kept his commitment to love. Day after day, he sat with Robin and spoke to her and nurtured her. Little by little, he loved her to unexpected restoration. Robin learned to speak haltingly and began to be able to use her hands and arms again. She has even taken a few victorious steps on her own. Almost every weekend at church, there they are-Neal, a shining example of overcoming love, and Robin, a powerful example of overwhelming courage and faith. Robin sometimes wonders just what she can accomplish for God in a wheelchair. The truth is, she speaks a life-changing sermon on the power of love by her mere presence. Those who have been involved in Robin's care see her life as a miracle. The greatest miracle, they say, isn't in the healing (they've seen bodies healed before) but in the love. This is the love of a couple who made the choice to continue to love, even in the most crushing of circumstances-Neal having chosen to practice sacrificial love in a marriage that wasn't close to what he and Robin had dreamed it would be, and Robin having chosen to accept and return Neal's love rather than allowing her own hurt to push him away.

Relationships are filled with both wonder and pain. When I think of the pain of relationships, literally hundreds of pictures flood into my mind from my thirty years as a pastor:

a couple on the verge of a divorce neither one wants yet both are choosing parents who can't get through to their child, no matter how much time, money, and heartache they invest a son whose dad has treated him with the cruel contempt of abuse

a friend whose feeling of betrayal is so deep that she never wants to trust anyone again

When I consider the wonder of relationships, I am equally overwhelmed:

a marriage no one thought could be restored-but it was friendships in a small group that have become the bedrock of life a family that would surely fall apart when the pressure of an illness hit-and yet they all came together in the most amazing way

When Jesus came to this earth, he demonstrated that he understands both the wonder and the pain of your relationships. He experienced them both. He came to begin a new relationship with you-a relationship that will strengthen all your relationships. Jesus came to show you how to enjoy a new way of relating to God and to others. For these next forty days, we're going to focus on...