Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Mary Huebner has been involved with youth ministry for over 27 years. She has been part of Interlinc's Write Group for five years and is a contributing writer for InWord and YouthWorker Journal. Her commitment to youth has included directing more than 70 weeks of summer youth camps, 25 of those weeks targeted to middle schoolers. For the past ten years she has been a middle school youth leader at the Oak Grove Church of God in Tampa, Florida.

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Anger is a regular part of every middle school girl's world. Often times, this anger can appear as open aggression where girls bully one another, or they can unhealthily suppress their anger. But there are godly and appropriate ways students can respond to situations that make them angry. Deal With It gives youth leaders the tools to help middle school girls deal with their anger. Through activities that include reading and responding to stories about Maria, a fictional teen, students will learn to recognize their anger and find healthy ways to express their emotions.

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Deal With It!

Zondervan

Contents

Forward.............................................................................................................4Preface.............................................................................................................5Lesson One: Admit You Are Angry.....................................................................................9Why Are You Angry?Lesson Two: Threatened Self-Worth...................................................................................21Lesson Three: Unmet Needs...........................................................................................37Lesson Four: Unique Values..........................................................................................47How Are You Angry?Lesson Five: Suppression............................................................................................63Lesson Six: Open Aggression.........................................................................................75Lesson Seven: Passive Aggression....................................................................................87Lesson Eight: Be Assertive..........................................................................................97Lesson Nine: Dropping Anger.........................................................................................111Anger Is a ChoiceLesson Ten: Owning Your Anger.......................................................................................127Lesson Eleven: Making the Right Choices.............................................................................141Lesson Twelve: You Are Not Alone and You Are Deeply Loved: Breaking the Bondage of Codependency.....................153Appendix: Listening Prayer Verses...................................................................................169Bibliography........................................................................................................173

Chapter One

Admit You Are Angry

* * *

In this lesson you'll confront the pivotal question: "Is anger bad?" Girls are often taught to conform to an image of femininity that excludes any outward expression of anger. Especially in American culture, girls are taught to shove aside their negative emotions and "just be nice." Yet the Bible says, "BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger" (Ephesians 4:26 NASB). Note that the first phrase of this familiar passage is "Be angry." The Word doesn't say, "Don't be angry." Instead, the emphasis is on the management of the emotion.

There's also a tendency to focus on a very narrow definition of anger. Whether we label our feelings as frustration, irritation, or hurt, we're in fact dealing with anger. Anger is a natural emotional response to the things that threaten us. We all feel threatened at times, and therefore, we all get angry. In this lesson your students will begin to unmask their anger for what it truly is. They'll also be exposed to a much broader definition of anger that includes emotions they feel on a regular basis, and they'll have the opportunity to face and admit to their negative emotions.

In Lesson One your students will be introduced to Maria, and they will read about how Maria's feelings are hurt by a thoughtless camp counselor. Your students will then have the opportunity to discuss how she could deal with her feelings of anger.

By the end of this lesson, your students should have knowledge of the primary and secondary emotions stemming from the root of anger. They should understand that anger isn't bad or wrong, but it serves as a warning sign. When they feel anger rising within them, they need to treat it like a smoke detector's warning and stop to assess what's eliciting their anger.

As the leader you may need to adjust your own definition of anger and broaden that definition to include all of the secondary emotions that are a part of it. You may also need to let go of your own misconceptions about this strong emotion, especially if you were taught that anger is bad or sinful. As you begin to come alongside your students on this journey, you'll need to make sure you have a good sense of your own anger-management tendencies.

Materials Needed

Film clip from Bridge to Terabithia (Disney and Walden Media, 2007)-Chapter 2, "Leslie Burke"-5:57 to 8:17

Bibles (at least one New American Standard Bible translation)

Red preprinted word cards for the definition of anger (see instructions in lesson)

Pens or pencils

List of cell phone numbers or email addresses of everyone in the group (one copy for each student)

(The following materials can be found at the end of this lesson.)

Express Yourself: Student Guide (one copy for each student)

Emotion Grid (one copy for each student)

Maria's Story: Hungrier Already (one copy for each student)

Opening Activity/Question

Introduction to Anger

Show the scene from Bridge to Terabithia (the bathroom encounter between Janice Avery and Leslie Burke). Now ask your students-

Why is Leslie upset?

How does she try to handle the situation?

How does it work out for her?

When was the last time someone was mean to you?

How did it make you feel?

Is anger bad?

Have one of your students read the following verse from the Bible: "BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger" (Ephesians 4:26 NASB).

Ask-

What does this verse say about anger?

Does the verse say anger is bad?

Are anger and sin the same?

How are anger and sin different?

Tell your students-

The Bible says in Ephesians 4:26, "BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger." Many of us are familiar with this verse, but we miss the obvious. The verse doesn't say, "Get rid of your anger," "Anger is evil," or even "Don't be angry." The verse says, "Be angry." Granted, the verse doesn't end with this statement, but we want to concentrate on the first half of the verse for a while.

Ask-

How would you define anger? (You aren't looking for a specific or correct answer to this question. You just want to know if your students can verbalize their definitions of anger.)

After your students have discussed their ideas about anger, take sheets of red paper on which you've already written (in a very large font size) one word from the following definition of anger:

ANGER IS THE RED FLAG OF WARNING WHEN WE FEEL THREATENED

Give each student a word from the sentence until all of the words have been handed out. See how fast they can figure out the correct sequence of the words and form this study's definition of anger:

Anger is the red flag of warning when we feel threatened.

When your students have figured out the sentence (you may need to give them hints if sentence structure isn't their forte), tell them-

Anger is a strong emotion that serves a purpose. When we...