Über die Autorinnen und Autoren

Mark Oestreicher (Marko) is a veteran youth worker and former president of Youth Specialties. The author of dozens of books, including Youth Ministry 3.0 and Middle School Ministry, Marko is a sought after speaker, writer and consultant.  Marko leads The Youth Cartel, providing a variety of resources, coaching and consultation to youth workers, churches and ministries. Marko lives in San Diego with his wife Jeannie and two teenage children, Liesl and Max.  www.whyismarko.com.

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Many people run scared from the middle school youth room. But (thankfully!) there are people out there who are actually drawn to those young teens. Although often times they're not equipped to deal with the unique challenges that middle school ministry presents, or they're just not sure what to do when a room full of young teens (who are “part child, but not quite adult”) are running around the youth room. Finally, there's a comprehensive guide to middle school ministry, from two veterans of this unchartered territory. Mark Oestreicher and Scott Rubin help youth workers understand the importance of middle school ministry, the development process for young teens and their implications for ministry, and how to best minister to these sometimes misunderstood students. They share their experiences (as middle school pastors and parents of middle schoolers), giving youth workers
he encouragement, hope, and training they need to succeed in middle school ministry.

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Middle School Ministry

Zondervan

Contents

Introduction.............................................................................................10Chapter 1: Middle School Ministry? Isn't It Just Baby-Sitting?...........................................18SECTION ONE: ON A NEED-TO-KNOW BASIS.....................................................................29Chapter 2: It's All About Change.........................................................................30Chapter 3: Walking Hormones? (Physical and Sexual Development)...........................................43Chapter 4: Mind Warp (Cognitive Development).............................................................67Chapter 5: Roller-Coaster Freak Show (Emotional Development).............................................89Chapter 6: Best Friends Forever! (Relational Change).....................................................104Chapter 7: I Can Do It, Just Don't Leave Me (Independence)...............................................116Chapter 8: Operating System Upgrade (Spiritual Development)..............................................132Chapter 9: White-Hot Temporary (Early Adolescent Culture)................................................148Chapter 10: The Overlapping Transition...................................................................170Chapter 11: See Jane Face New Issues (Bonus Chapter by Kara Powell and Brad Griffin).....................178SECTION TWO: THE LAND OF FREAKS, GEEKS, AND SQUIRRELS....................................................191Chapter 12: First Things First (Remembering What It Was Like)............................................192Chapter 13: Dude! What's Up? (Building Relationships with Middle Schoolers)..............................207Chapter 14: You Can't Always Wing It (A Few Thoughts about Ministry Structure)...........................230Chapter 15: Get Small (Small Groups).....................................................................244Chapter 16: Hitting the Bull's-Eye (Effective and Creative Teaching).....................................268Chapter 17: Do or Die (Building a Team)..................................................................290Chapter 18: From Enemy to Advocate (Working with Parents)................................................306Chapter 19: A Few Hard Truths ... or Why So Few Stay in Middle School Ministry...........................327Chapter 20: The Very Bestest of the Best Volunteers (Bonus Chapter by Jim Candy).........................340Our Prayer for You.......................................................................................355APPENDICES...............................................................................................357Q&A with Marko and Scott.................................................................................35878 Random Ministry Ideas from Marko and Scott............................................................364ENDNOTES.................................................................................................374

Chapter One

Derek was, well, a challenging kid to have in our middle school group. He was a natural leader, charismatic, good looking. And he was disruptive. Not disruptive in an "Oh, he just needs to take his medication" way, or even in a "He has all the squirrelly characteristics of a young teen boy, turned to 11 on the dial" way. Derek was intentionally disruptive. His timid mom couldn't control him, and she had no idea what to do with him.

Smart and scheming, Derek would (at best) regularly manipulate entire hordes of boys and girls in our group into behaviors that would create havoc and (at worst) get everyone except Derek in trouble with their parents. If there were a group of kids hiding somewhere in a stairwell, Derek was usually the kid who got them there. If students were caught smoking or drinking, then Derek was likely the provider. If a whole section of kids were sitting with their arms crossed and "I dare you to teach me something" expressions firmly fixed on their faces, then they were almost assuredly imitating Derek.

I (Marko) chatted on the phone and met many times with both Derek and his mom. I took Derek out for sodas and meals and showed him grace and love. I tried to help his mom with her challenging role of setting boundaries for him.

While there were certainly many factors involved, the struggle, as it pertained to Derek's disruption in our group, came down to two particularly vivid facts: He didn't want to be there, and his mom used attendance at our group as a punishment. She revealed this to me once, with only the tiniest bit of embarrassment. When she grounded him, he simply ignored it. When she took away other privileges, he either overrode her or manipulated her into reversing her decision. The only thing she'd found that "worked" was telling Derek he had to come to our church middle school group. And since he was in trouble almost nonstop, we saw Derek fairly regularly.

I asked Derek's mom about this approach and, more specifically, if she thought it was healthy for his spiritual development to experience church as a punishment. Her response was revealing: "I don't know what else to do. I can't handle him; and when I send him to you, at least I don't have to worry about him for a few hours."

Natalie was the youth group flirt. Her family was extremely active in our church, and she was present at everything we did. She wasn't overtly disruptive like Derek, but she was still exceedingly disinterested in anything other than constant chatting with friends, flirting with boys, and working on her next conquest.

In many ways, Natalie wasn't that unique-we had other girls (and guys) with the same values and behaviors. What made Natalie's situation stand out was her parents' perspective. One day they sat with me in my office, very frustrated, and asked, "Why can't you do something about Natalie? Why can't you change her? What's the point of our constantly bringing her to youth group if you can't fix her?" (To be fair, I'm not sure they actually used the word fix; but it was implied, even if they didn't use it.)

Of course, these misconceptions and challenges aren't merely in the minds of parents.

The church board was frustrated with me because:

a. We'd painted the middle school group's logo on the wall of our room. They'd given permission for this and even approved the design, but they didn't realize "it was going to be SO BIG."

b. The church van had been returned, once again, with a candy wrapper behind one of the seats and a slight hint of vomit clutching to one inside corner or another.

c. It had been discovered that we'd played Sardines (reverse hide-and-seek), and the kids had used ... the sanctuary (intro ominous musical underscore).

But the final straw, and the grievance that got me called into a meeting, was that we'd used the gym (with all the prerequisite forms and permissions) for a large outreach event, and then used the adjoining fellowship room (without the prerequisite forms and permissions) when our attendance turned out to be larger than we'd anticipated.

I tried to tell them about the amazing event we'd had-how we'd invited a dozen smaller...