Boundaries in Marriage Workbook: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships - Softcover

Über die Autorinnen und Autoren

Dr. Henry Cloud is a clinical psychologist, pastor to pastors, and New York Times bestselling author. His 45 books, including the iconic Boundaries, have sold over 20 million copies worldwide. Throughout his storied career as a clinician, he started treatment centers, created breakthrough new models rooted in research, and has been a leading voice on issues of mental health and leadership on a global scale. Dr. Cloud lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Tori, and their two daughters, Olivia and Lucy.

Dr. John Townsend is a nationally known leadership consultant, psychologist, and author, selling over 10 million books, including the New York Times bestselling Boundaries series. John founded the Townsend Institute for Leadership and Counseling and the Townsend Leadership Program. Dr. Townsend travels extensively for corporate consulting, speaking events, and to help develop leaders, their teams, and their families. John and his family live in Southern California and Texas. Visit DrTownsend.com.

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You long for a marriage marked by lifelong love, intimacy, and growth. And it can be yours -- if you set wise boundaries. Boundaries are the "property lines" that define and protect each of you as individuals. Get them in place and you can make a good marriage better and possibly even save a less-than-satisfying one. By the time you've completed this workbook, you will know yourself and your mate better than ever before. You'll also understand and practice the ten laws of boundaries in ways that can make a real difference in your relationship. Step by step, the Boundaries in Marriage Workbook helps you apply the biblical principles discussed in the book Boundaries in Marriage so you can . . . Set and maintain your personal boundaries and respect those of your spouse - Establish values that form a godly structure and architecture for your marriage - Protect your marriage from different kinds of "intruders" - Work with a spouse who understands and values boundaries -- or work with one who doesn't -- Filled with self-tests, questions, and applications, the Boundaries in Marriage Workbook helps you deal effectively with the friction points and serious hurts in your marriage -- and move beyond them to the mutual care, respect, affirmation, and intimacy you both long for.

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Boundaries in Marriage WorkbookWe want to hear from you. Please send your comments about thisbook to us in care of zreview@zondervan.com. Thank you.How to Use This WorkbookThe Boundaries in Marriage Workbook can be used in a variety of ways.* You will get the most out of your investment of time and energy if youare reading Boundaries in Marriage as you work through this book. Thetext fleshes out key concepts with real-life examples and a more thoroughdiscussion of important points.* You or, ideally, you and your spouse can use this workbook on your own.In tandem with the text, the questions in this workbook will help you becomemore aware of how healthy boundaries keep love alive and growing.* You, or you and your spouse, can be part of a small group that meets regularlyto discuss the challenges you face in your marriage and to pray foreach other and your marriage.* You might also work through this book with a prayer partner or accountabilitypartner.* Another option, with the approval of your therapist, is to use this workbookas an aid to structured individual or marital therapy.* Whether you are working through Boundaries in Marriage on your own,with your spouse, or in a group, be sure to include plenty of prayer time.After all, God created marriage and, by his Spirit, empowers us to experienceall that he intends for us.May God bless you as, with his guidance, you establish boundaries thatpreserve and enhance your marriage and deepen your love for your spouse.A Tale of Two CouplesI f you are reading this book, most likely marriage is important to you.You may be happy in your marriage and want to keep it growing. Youmay be struggling and dealing with major or minor problems. You may besingle and want to prepare for marriage. You may be divorced and want toprevent the pain you went through if you remarry.* Why are you reading this book? What do you hope to learn?* How did you react when you read about the interaction between Haroldand Sarah? What were your thoughts and feelings?* How did you react to the picture of Frank and Julia's marriage? Again,what were your thoughts and feelings?* If you are currently married, are you and your spouse building a marriagelike Harold and Sarah's or like Frank and Julia's? Offer evidence to supportyour answer.Both couples you met in the introduction were reaping the results of howthey had conducted themselves in the earlier seasons of marriage. The firstcouple harvested a sad result; the other, a joyous one. It's our hope that thisbook will help you improve your harvest.Your Life Begins Today (page 9)*Most of us have no greater desire and prayer than a lifetime of love andcommitment to one person with whom we can share life. Marriage is one ofGod's greatest gifts to humanity. It is the mystery of living as one flesh withanother human being (Ephesians 5:31--32).Marriage is first and foremost about love. It is bound together by the care,need, companionship, and values of two people, which can overcome hurt,immaturity, and selfishness to form something better than what each personalone can produce. Love is at the heart of marriage, as it is at the heart ofGod himself (1 John 4:16).* When, in your own marriage or in a marriage you respect and admire,have you seen love overcome hurt, immaturity, or selfishness? Give a specificexample.* When have you seen or perhaps even experienced the partnership ofmarriage being 'something better than what each person alone can produce'?Again, give a specific example.Although love is at the heart of marriage, it is not enough. The marriagerelationship needs other ingredients to grow and thrive. These ingredientsare freedom and responsibility.*The parts in italics are passages from the book Boundaries in Marriage. Page references toBoundaries in Marriage are in parentheses.* When two people are free to disagree, they are free to love. When theyare not free, they live in fear, and love is damaged.--- Why does genuine love allow the freedom to disagree?--- What fears come into play when people are not free to disagree---andwhy do those fears cause love to die?* When two people together take responsibility to do what is best for themarriage, love can grow. When they do not, one takes on too much responsibilityand resents it; the other does not take on enough and becomesself-centered or controlling.--- What, if anything, do you see about yourself and/or your marriagewhen you look through the lens of the preceding statement?Boundaries in Marriage is fundamentally about love. It is about promotingit, growing it, developing it, and repairing it. We want to help you developlove through providing a better environment for it: one of freedom andresponsibility. This is where boundaries, or personal property lines, come in.They promote love by protecting individuals.* Character is key. When people grow in character, they grow in the abilityto set and receive boundaries in their marriages, and they mature.When they resist hearing the word no, they remain immature.--- How do you define character?--- At this point of your study, do your best to explain the connection betweencharacter and boundaries.--- Think of toddlers you know. Why does resistance to the word no keepa person from maturing?* Today is the day to work on your own boundaries in marriage. The issuesyou take initiative to deal with today will affect the rest of your marriedlife. And the issues you ignore or are afraid to address will do the same.--- Why do people choose to ignore issues in their marriage?--- What fears keep people from addressing issues in their marriage?--- What issues in your marriage do you need to be dealing with? Put differently,what issues are you choosing to ignore or what are you afraidto address?You're headed toward either a Harold and Sarah marriage (they're stilldealing immaturely with old, old boundary issues) or a Frank and Julia one(they've resolved boundary issues and have gone to much deeper stages oflove and maturity), and you're doing that right now.An Overview (page 11)* Review the outline of Boundaries in Marriage.--- What section do you most look forward to reading? Why?--- What hope or excitement does this overview kindle?A Tale of Two Couples 13Clarifying a Misconception (page 11)* We need to make clear that Boundaries in Marriage is not about fixing,changing, or punishing your mate. If you aren't in control of yourself, thesolution is not learning to control someone else. The solution is learningself-control.--- Be honest with yourself. What would you like to fix or change in yourspouse or punish him/her for? Let go of those unhealthy and unhelpfulgoals by making them a topic of prayer; confess these desires andask God to be at work in your mate even as he works to transform you.--- What aspects of your role as husband or wife currently call for you toexercise greater self-control? Again, submit those to the Lord and hissanctifying, transforming touch.Boundaries in Marriage is about taking ownership of your own life so thatyou are protected and you can love and protect your spouse without enablingor rescuing him or her.So, again, welcome to Boundaries in Marriage! We hope this is a helpfulresource for you, whatever condition your marriage is in. We pray that as youlearn to make the word no a good word in your marriage, responsibility andfreedom will then help love take deep roots in both of your hearts. God blessyou.HENRY CLOUD, PH.D.JOHN TOWNSEND, PH.D.