The Breakup Bible: The Smart Woman's Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce - Softcover

Sussman, Rachel

 
9780307885098: The Breakup Bible: The Smart Woman's Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce
Softcover
ISBN 10: 0307885097 ISBN 13: 9780307885098
Verlag: Harmony/Rodale/Convergent, 2011

Inhaltsangabe

Breakups are an unfortunate but inevitable part of every woman’s life, and there’s no denying that the heartache experienced after the ending of a serious relationship can be excruciating. But it doesn’t have to feel insurmountable, and there is always hope to be found.
 
In The Breakup Bible, psychotherapist and breakup expert Rachel Sussman reveals the secrets every woman needs to get her life back on track. Drawing on hundreds of counseling sessions she’s conducted with women at all stages of recovery, Sussman developed a proven 3-phase process for healing from a breakup. The Breakup Bible takes women through Healing, Understanding, and Transformation, with new perspectives and advice from real, healed women at each step. Sussman’s plan for getting over the end of a relationship is revolutionary and sound, complete with steps for creating a personalized Love Map, a vital and groundbreaking tool for moving on after a breakup.
 
The Breakup Bible proves that it is possible to not only survive a breakup, but to emerge from one as an even stronger, empowered woman.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Rachel A. Sussman, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist, writer, and lecturer. As the founder of Sussman Counseling, a psychotherapy practice devoted to treating couples and individuals with relationship dilemmas, Sussman has counseled patients in all phases of dating, marriage, and breakups for over a decade. Ms. Sussman lives in New York City with her husband and daughter. Visit her online at www.rachelasussman.com.

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1

A Room of One’s Own

Finding Comfort in the Early Stages of Grief



“The first months after our breakup are still a blur to me. I was in terrible shape. I could barely get out of bed. I missed work. I was in shock at first. I kept thinking that it was a huge mistake, and he would come to his senses and come back to me. When he didn’t, I was completely devastated. I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I was an absolute wreck. It was an awful moment in time, but it’s way behind me now.”--Gia



A Window into Your Soul--Assessing the Damage

The breaking apart of a romantic relationship is an extraordinarily painful event, whether you’ve been dating for a year or married for thirty. Even if you initiated your split, you are going to be overcome with interminable sorrow. You are not only mourning the loss of someone significant in your life, but saying farewell to your dreams of an eternity together.

The first weeks and months tend to be the most treacherous in the road to recovery. Pervasive grief invades your existence. You question everything, including your self-worth, your choices, your career, your friendships--everything. Numerous thoughts, feelings, and emotions run through your brain. The majority of the women I interviewed had at least half of the following experiences:



* You’re in shock--unable to comprehend why your relationship ended, or feeling as if it can’t be happening to you. You feel devoid of feelings, numb and detached.

* You wonder if you can ever trust again, if the pain will ever subside, and if you will ever feel joy or happiness again.

* Depression and despondency permeate your body and soul. You feel hopeless, helpless, unable to cope. Your self-esteem is shot. You have lost your ability to concentrate and feel ill equipped to make decisions.

* You have anxiety and anxiety attacks as early stage symptoms. You feel paralyzed with fear and dread, unable to sit still. You tremble and shake, have heart palpitations and trouble breathing.

* You understand intellectually that your relationship is over, but you cannot accept it emotionally. Some days you are convinced you can salvage it, or that in time your partner will return.

* You are unable to control your emotions. You can’t contain yourself. You cry or rant constantly and call friends obsessively.

* You feel embarrassed that your relationship ended. You’re ashamed to tell anyone and you feel humiliated.

* You contact your ex repetitively via phone, e‑mails, texts, or Facebook. Or you may find yourself glued to your telephone, waiting for it to ring.

* If you are ending a marriage, you have the lengthy process of divorce to consider. You feel incredibly overwhelmed thinking about what you’ll do and how to divide the life you and your ex have accrued.

* You are obsessed about your breakup. These thoughts intrude most of your day, and you dream about your ex at night. You re-create and dissect the last moments, weeks, and months, again and again. The final conversation loops through your brain repetitively.

* If you have children, you worry about how they will handle the separation and feel guilt ridden that you have imposed psychological damage on them. You feel too inundated to deal with parenting.

* You are filled with self-blame, self-loathing, doubt, and regret. You’re convinced that you blew it. You think, “If I were only a better partner. If I were more loving, giving, attentive. If I only did this better. If only . . . ”

* You are filled with rage. You have huge, uncontrollable outbursts of anger.

* If your ex supported you, or carried part of your financial load, you are frightened about finances.

* If your relationship ended over your partner’s affair, your healing is even more complicated. You feel completely betrayed, blindsided, shaken, and shocked. Your sense of justice, order, and good in the world has evaporated.

* You think that your final ship has sailed. Time is running out. You wonder if you’ll ever meet someone again, if you’ll be able to bear children.

* You have trouble eating and sleeping. Weight loss and insomnia are quite common after a breakup. Or you eat too much and sleep excessively.

* You feel unlucky, victimized, as if nothing ever works out quite right for you. You’re steeped in self-pity.

* You feel completely overwhelmed and “out of sorts.” Food shopping, caring for your home, and washing your clothes seem like insurmountable tasks. Or, perhaps you have unending, manic energy. You’ve refolded every item in your closet and can’t stop cleaning.

* You may be filling up every single waking moment with plans, or sitting at home, completely isolated.



The Importance of Validating Your Feelings

Perhaps you recognize yourself in some of these statements. Or possibly you have experienced them all. Every single declaration represents the normal range of emotions that we experience after a separation. The first step that you must do on the road to recovery is to validate each emotion you are feeling as natural.

Let me take this opportunity to offer you my sincerest condolences over the sorrow that has befallen you. Breaking up is so incredibly difficult. What could possibly prepare you for this monumental heartache? I know it can feel all encompassing and very scary. I’ve been there, and so have millions of others.

You are now officially submerged in the early stages of breakup grief. Life has become a daily barrage of emotionally charged thoughts and feelings--uncharted territory for most. Many discuss feeling absolutely insane as they observe their moods swinging wildly back and forth like an out-of-whack pendulum. You are entering a whole new and frightening world. You are feeling and thinking things that are quite foreign to you.

It’s very important to take the time to validate your feelings. It will allow you to see that you are right where you should be, which will help to ease the anguish you are experiencing.

Unfortunately, the validation you crave rarely comes from your ex, which can be extremely upsetting. We go through all sorts of machinations to try to get our partners to take responsibility, yet only a few do. And often friends and family members, although well meaning, cannot fully understand the gravity of your situation, which can be equally frustrating. The absence of having your experience acknowledged can make you feel even more alone. If you haven’t found a way to validate yourself, it’s important that you do so right now using this book and my words to enhance your healing. Please remember, you are allowed to feel what you feel. This is your essential right. It is OK that you feel miserable and it is absolutely necessary that you accept your grief. Validating yourself and feeling your feelings is a vital part of the healing process.



Taking Time to Grieve: Making Peace with Your Discomfort

“The first few months after my marriage ended were just horrific. I was extremely devastated yet kind of numb. After that, the tears came. Rivers upon rivers of tears. Sadness of such depth, like I’d never experienced before. I hated the way I felt and went through all sorts of motions to try to escape. I finally realized that I needed to stop running and find a safe place to work with my emotions. Finding that place helped me survive.”--Helene

“Immediately after my breakup I scheduled myself 24/7. I ran myself ragged trying to avoid my pain. That was a mistake and made me feel pretty depleted. Finally I slowed down, and that’s when I started feeling...

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Verlag
Harmony/Rodale/Convergent
Erscheinungsdatum
2011
Sprache
Englisch
ISBN 10 
0307885097
ISBN 13 
9780307885098
Einband
Taschenbuch
Anzahl der Seiten
352
Kontakt zum Hersteller
preigu GmbH & Co. KG
mail@preigu.de

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