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The Joy of Sex - Softcover

Comfort, Alex

 
9780307587787: The Joy of Sex
Softcover
ISBN 10: 0307587789 ISBN 13: 9780307587787
Verlag: Harmony, 2009

Inhaltsangabe

A revised and updated edition of the book famous for helping couples discover how sex can be playful, erotic, passionate, exhilarating, and most of all, pleasurable.

The Joy of Sex revolutionized how we experience our sexuality. An international bestseller since it was first published in 1972, Dr. Alex Comfort’s classic work dared to celebrate the joy of human physical intimacy with such authority and candor that a whole generation felt empowered to enjoy sex. Now fully updated, revised, and reillustrated, The Joy of Sex once again sets the standard as the world’s most trusted sex manual.

Substantial revisions from sex expert and relationship psychologist Susan Quilliam include new information on:

• Key scientific discoveries in the fields of psychology, physiology, and sexology
• The Internet and couple-friendly pornography
• The importance of sex to our growth as people and partners
• Maintaining a fulfilling sex life as we get older

Above all, The Joy of Sex emphasizes the importance of happy and healthy sexuality in our lives.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

DR. ALEX COMFORT was one of the world’s leading experts in the field of human sexuality and one of the most versatile authors of the twentieth century. He died in March 2000 at the age of eighty.

SUSAN QUILLIAM is a relationship psychologist and an advice columnist. She writes, broadcasts, and presents internationally on topics surrounding love and sexuality.

Auszug. © Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

On Gourmet Lovemaking
All of us, barring any physical limitations, are able to dance and sing ' after a fashion. This, if you think about it, summarizes the justification for learning to make love. Love, in the same way as singing, is something to be taken spontaneously. On the other hand, the difference between Pavlova and the Palais de Danse, or opera and barbershop singing, is much less than the difference between sex as our recent ancestors came to accept it and sex as it can be.
At least we recognize this now (so that instead of worrying if sex is sinful, most people now worry whether they are 'getting satisfaction' ' one can worry about anything, given the determination). And there are now enough books about the basics; we are largely past the point of people worrying about the nor­mality, possibility, and variety of sexual experience. This book is slightly differ­ent, in that there are now enough people who have those basics and want more depth of understanding, solid ideas, and inspiration.
To draw a parallel, chef-grade cooking doesn't happen naturally: it starts at the point where people know how to prepare and enjoy food, are curious about it and willing to take trouble preparing it, read recipe hints, and find they are helped by one or two techniques. It's hard to make mayonnaise by trial and error, for instance. Gourmet sex, as we define it, is the same ' the extra one can get from comparing notes, using some imagination, trying way-out or new experi­ences, when one already is making satisfying love and wants to go on from there.
This book will likely attract four sorts of readers. First, there are those who don't fancy it, find it disturbing, and would rather stay the way they are ' these should put it down, accept our apologies, and stay the way they are. Second, there are those who are with the idea, but don't like our choice of techniques ' remember, it's a menu, not a rulebook.
Third, most people will use our notes as a personal one-couple notebook from which they might get ideas. In this respect we have tried to stay wide open. One of the original aims of this book was to cure the notion, born of non-discussion, that common sex needs are odd or weird; the whole joy of sex-with­love is that there are no rules, so long as you enjoy, and the choice is practically unlimited. We have, however, left out long discussion of very specialized sexual preferences; people who like these know already what they want to try.
The final group of readers are the hardy experimentalists, bent on trying absolutely everything. They too will do best to read this exactly like a cookbook ' except that sex is safer in this respect, between lovers, in that you can't get obese or atherosclerotic on it, or give yourself ulcers. The worst you can get, given sensible safety precautions, is sore, anxious, or disappointed. However, one needs a steady basic diet of quiet, loving, night-and-morning intercourse to stand this experimentation on, simply because, contrary to popular ideas, the more regular sex a couple has, the higher the deliberately contrived peaks ' just as the more you cook routinely, the better and the more reliable banquets you can stage.
One specific group of readers deserves special note. If you are disabled in any way, don't stop reading. A physical disability is not an obstacle to fulfilling sex. In counseling disabled people, one repeatedly finds that the real disability isn't a mechanical problem but a mistaken idea that there is only one 'right' ' or enjoyable ' way to have sex. The best approach is probably to go through the book with your partner, marking off the things you can do. Then pick some­thing appealing that you think you can't quite do, and see if there is a strategy you can develop together. Talking to other couples where one partner has a problem similar to yours is another resource.
In sum, the people we are addressing are the adventurous and uninhibited lovers who want to find the limits of their ability to enjoy sex. That means we take some things for granted ' having intercourse naked and spending time over it; being able and willing to make it last, up to a whole afternoon on occasion; having privacy; not being scared of things like genital kisses; not being obsessed with one sexual trick to the exclusion of all others; and, of course, loving each other.
As the title implies, this book is about love as well as sex: you don't get high-quality sex on any other basis ' either you love each other before you come to want it, or, if you happen to get it, you love each other because of it, or both. Just as you can't cook without heat, you can't make love without feedback. By feedback, we mean the right mixture of stop and go, tough and tender, exertion and affection. This comes by empathy and long mutual knowledge. Anyone who expects to get this in a first attempt with a stranger is an optimist, or a neu­rotic ' if they do, it's what used to be called love at first sight, and isn't expend­able: 'skill," or variety, is no substitute. Also, one can't teach tenderness.
The starting point of all lovemaking is close bodily contact; love has been defined as the harmony of two souls, and the contact of two epiderms. At the same time, we might as well plan our menu so that we learn to use the rest of our equipment. That includes our feelings of identity, forcefulness, and so on, and all of our fantasy needs. Luckily, sex behavior in humans is enormously elastic (it has had to be, or we wouldn't be here), and also nicely geared to help us express most of the needs that society or our upbringing have corked up.
Elaboration in sex is something we need rather specially and it has the advantage that if we really make it work, it makes us more, not less, receptive to each other as people. This is the answer to anyone who thinks that con­scious effort to increase our sex range is 'mechanical' or a substitute for real human relationship ' we may start that way, but it's an excellent entry to learning that we are people and relating to each other as such. There may be other places we can learn to express all of ourselves, and do it mutually, but there aren't many.
Those are the assumptions on which this book is based. Granted this, there are two modes of sex ' the duet and the solo ' and a good concert alternates between the two. The duet is a cooperative effort aiming at simultaneous orgasm, or at least one orgasm each, and complete, untechnically planned release. This, in fact, needs skill, and can be built up from more calculated 'love­play' until doing the right thing for both of you becomes fully automatic. This is the basic sexual meal.
The solo, by contrast, is when one partner is the player and the other the instrument. The aim of the player is to produce results on the other's pleasure experience as extensive, unexpected, and generally wild as his or her skill allows ' to blow them out of themselves. The player doesn't lose control, though he or she can get wildly excited by what is happening to the other. The instrument does lose control ' in fact, with a responsive instrument and a skillful performer, this is the concerto situation ' and if it ends in an uncontrollable ensemble, so much the better. All the elements of music and dance are involved ' rhythm, mounting tension, tantalization, even forcefulness: 'I'm like the executioner," said the lady in the Persian poem, 'but where he inflicts intolerable pain I will only make you die of pleasure.' There is indeed an element of infliction in the solo mode, which is why some lovers dislike it and others overdo it, but no major lovemaking is complete without some solo passages.
The antique idea of the woman as passive and the man as performer used to ensure that he would show off playing solos on her, and early marriage manuals perpetuated this idea....

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Verlag
Harmony
Erscheinungsdatum
2009
Sprache
Englisch
ISBN 10 
0307587789
ISBN 13 
9780307587787
Einband
Taschenbuch
Anzahl der Seiten
288
Kontakt zum Hersteller
Nicht verfügbar
Verantwortliche Person
Nicht verfügbar