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Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman's Battle: Creative Conversations About Sexual and Emotional Integrity (The Every Man Series) - Softcover

Buch 15 von 25: Every Man

Ethridge, Shannon

 
9780307458582: Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman's Battle: Creative Conversations About Sexual and Emotional Integrity (The Every Man Series)
Softcover
ISBN 10: 030745858X ISBN 13: 9780307458582
Verlag: PRH Christian Publishing, 2010

Inhaltsangabe

Where Will Your Daughter Turn for Answers About Sex?

Girls are bombarded with messages about sex–from friends, advertisers, media icons, and more. All of this input–along with the whirlwind of emotions that accompany puberty–can leave them confused, filled with unasked questions about boys, dating, sex, and their own value. 

Now is the perfect time for creative conversations about sexuality with your daughter. By introducing key principles and truths during these teachable years, you can lay a foundation that will help her withstand the inevitable pressures young women face. And you’ll create a lasting bond, establishing yourself as a trustworthy authority who is willing to help her address the sensitive issues in her life.

Recognizing how awkward it can be to confront the topic of sex, author Shannon Ethridge guides you and your daughter through enjoyable yet memorable discussions about sexuality, purity, and dating–leading to a deeper understanding of and appreciation for God’s standards. Preparing Your Daughter for Every Woman’s Battle provides creative tools that will give you the confidence to talk openly and honestly with your daughter–and encourage a lifetime of sexual and emotional integrity.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Shannon Ethridge is a million-copy best-selling author and a certified life coach. Previously a youth pastor and abstinence educator, Shannon has a master's degree in counseling/human relations from Liberty University. She has spoken to youth, college students, and adults since 1989. The mother of two adult children, Shannon lives in Michigan.

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“ p i c k m e ! p i c k m e ! ”
Men and women who have lived wisely and well will shine brilliantly, like the cloudless, star-strewn night skies. And those who put others on the right path to life will glow like stars forever.
Daniel 12:3, msg

If you ever watched the sitcom Welcome Back, Kotter, a situation comedy from the seventies, you’ll recall the nerdy Arnold Horshack. He was the short, curly headed “sweathog” who responded to Mr. Kotter’s questions by impulsively waving his arm in the air yelling, “Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!” If I remember correctly, Mr. Kotter would usually succumb to Arnold’s plea and call on him to answer the question because he was such an eager student (and because no one else in the class seemed to know much!).

Wouldn’t it be great if our kids always called on us, their parents, for answers to their questions about sexuality because they knew we were not only willing but eager to answer? And because they felt like no one else knew as much about the topic as Mom and Dad? Does your daughter see a “Pick me! Pick me!” attitude in you, or does she see an “Oh, my gosh, I can’t believe you asked that question!” attitude?

When your daughter is ready to talk about sex, who will she go to? Will she feel free to come to you?

RE S E A RCH PROV E S YOU HOLD THE KEY
Many studies have been conducted on the value of parent-directed sex education. Consider these findings:

• Frequent sex-education talks between parent and child can greatly improve family communication and strengthen family bonds. When sexual issues can be discussed naturally and with openness and honesty, the anxiety and awkwardness that usually accompanies the topic can be reduced or perhaps even eliminated. When children can ask their parents anything about sexuality and use whatever words they need to use to convey their questions, it fosters an atmosphere of trust and respect, which can help parents and teens discuss other sensitive issues as well.1
• Both children and parents consistently report that they want parents to be the primary source of sexuality education. When parents are the main source of sex education, children are less likely to be sexually active, they positively identify with parents’ traditional sexual values, their first sexual experiences occur at a later age, and the probability of promiscuity is lowered.2
• When parents talk to and affirm the value of their children, young people are more likely to develop positive, healthy attitudes about themselves. This is also true when the subject is sex. Research shows that positive communication between parents and their children can help young people establish individual values and make healthy decisions.3

While most parents say they want to be the ones their children come to, this rarely happens.

WHO’ S AT THE TOP OF HER L I S T ?
Various studies have documented a significant difference between the frequency with which parents said they should be primary in providing this information and the frequency with which they reported they actually were the primary resources. In a survey of more than one hundred thousand parents, 96 percent felt that children should learn about sex from their parents. Yet when asked from whom they thought children actually received information about sex, only 24 percent of the respondents felt it was parents.4

Sadly, most kids don’t place their parents very high on their lists of askable adults. If that’s the case, then who is at the top of the list? Teens most often report that their primary source of sexual information is their peers. But this presents three major problems: (a) peers are notorious for being sources of sexual misinformation, (b) it is often very difficult to dispel the sexual myths that are pervasive among adolescents, and (c) peers will likely promote the adoption of sexual values that are contrary to parental values, thus promoting family conflict.5

So what can a parent do? How can we ensure that we are the ones our kids turn to when they have questions about sexual issues? Part of the answer lies, I believe, in understanding the reasons why kids don’t come to their parents when they have questions about sex.

WHY KI D S DON’ T TALK WITH TH E I R PARENTS ABOUT SEX
Over the past decade, I’ve talked with kids about why this is so. Here are the three reasons I hear most often, along with my response about what parents can do to prevent their own kids from feeling this way.

1. It’s just not talked about in our house. Obviously if we as parents don’t bring up the topic, our kids are not about to. As adults, we set the pace and tone for what conversation topics are acceptable in our homes and what topics are taboo. If your daughter has never asked you any questions about sex, this could either mean that she has not thought about sex at all yet (which is unlikely) or that she doesn’t feel comfortable bringing it up. Even if sex is considered an off-limits topic in her mind, you can still establish your home as a safe haven for such discussions by using the second section of this book with her (and Preparing Your Son for Every Man’s Battle with your son).

2. I’d never ask my parents about sex because they’d freak out and suspect I wanted to do it or that I’m already having sex when I’m not. Freaking out over curious questions definitely disqualifies us from the “Pick me!” parent category. If we can accept that kids have a natural curiosity about sex and sexual issues, we can calmly discuss our daughters’ questions without going into panic mode. When she brings up the subject, whether it’s about her own questions or about what she’s observed in someone else’s life, don’t be too quick to comment. Ask questions. Ask how she feels about what she’s seen or heard. Once you’ve listened to her opinions, she’ll be more open to receiving yours.

3. My parents don’t have sex, so they probably don’t know much more than I do. Do a double take at that statement if you need to, but believe it. Many young people tell me that their parents don’t have sex. Of course, I chuckle under my breath and ask, “How do you think you got here?”
Teens usually see the humor in this and go along by saying, “Well, okay, they’ve had sex three times because I do have a brother and a sister, but other than that, they don’t have sex!” Then I get serious and ask, “What gives you that impression?” Most respond, “They don’t even go on dates or hold hands or kiss! What makes you think they have sex?” Ouch.

We can learn a significant lesson from what our kids say about our marriages. Children associate sex with romance and affection, and if they are not seeing that in the living room or the kitchen between Mom and Dad, they can’t imagine that anything would be going on in the bedroom. I recommend that you intentionally model tenderness and affection in healthy, appropriate ways in front of your daughter so she grows up knowing marriage is a relationship she can look forward to with hand-holding, kissing, sex, and all. (We’ll talk about this in chapter 3 of book 2 for parents and daughters.)

In light of that last comment, you may wonder, What gives kids these impressions? I have a couple of theories.

HOW DI D WE GET HE R E ?
First of all, remember that most kids learn about sex from their peers. This hasn’t always been the case. Decades ago families were living all together in one-room cabins where...

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Verlag
PRH Christian Publishing
Erscheinungsdatum
2010
Sprache
Englisch
ISBN 10 
030745858X
ISBN 13 
9780307458582
Einband
Taschenbuch
Auflage
1
Anzahl der Seiten
256
Kontakt zum Hersteller
Nicht verfügbar
Verantwortliche Person
gpsr@phaidon.com
gpsr@phaidon.com

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