An Incomplete and Inaccurate History of Sport: With random thoughts from childhood. And with random thoughts from times other than childhood . . . - Softcover

Mayne, Kenny

 
9780307396198: An Incomplete and Inaccurate History of Sport: With random thoughts from childhood. And with random thoughts from times other than childhood . . .
Softcover
ISBN 10: 0307396193 ISBN 13: 9780307396198
Verlag: Crown, 2009

Inhaltsangabe

Part sports dictionary, part memoir, part factual, and part completely made up–a history of the world’s most beloved sports.

Kenny Mayne is the little man who seems to live inside your TV. From hosting ESPN’s SportsCenter since 1995, announcing major events like the Kentucky Derby, his weekly pregame segments for ESPN’s Sunday NFL Countdown called “The Mayne Event,” and his reality-TV life on Dancing with the Stars and Fast Cars & Superstars to his ubiquitous commercials for companies such as Top-Flite and GMC, you practically can’t go a day without seeing Kenny on your screen.

Herein, Kenny has escaped the TV screen to bring his irreverent (bordering on surreal) sensibility to the printed page. Part nostalgic memoir (like the summer neighborhood kid Mark Sansaver hit 843 home runs in backyard Wiffle ball), part Dave Barry—esque riffs (like explaining bocce to non-Italians), part scholarly tract (includes the origins of tackle football), and part metafiction (see “Time-outs”) . . . all with illustrations drawn by Kenny’s daughters, An Incomplete and Inaccurate History of Sport is what Kenny calls his anti coffee-table book, or Coaster.

“Kurt Vonnegut never wrote a book about sports. This one will do just fine.”
–Daily Racing Form

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

KENNY MAYNE is one of the most beloved SportsCenter anchors of all time. He hosted the ESPN show 2 Minute Drill and stars on Sunday NFL Countdown in a segment called “The Mayne Event.” In October 2008, Mayne began starring in ESPN’s first-ever scripted Web series, Mayne Street. Kenny plays a fictional Kenny in a series of fictional stories about fiction and truth. A lot like this book.

Auszug. © Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

Ice Hockey
Barry Melrose was one of the greatest coaches in the history of professional ice hockey.  

Currently, he is the greatest professional ice hockey commentator in the history of professional ice hockey commentating.  

And "O Canada" is a way better song than "The Star-Spangled Banner."  

Some people reading this are thinking, "If you like Canada so much, why don't you just move there?" To those people I say, "Will you help me move?" and "Can I borrow your truck?"  

Hockey was invented a long time ago by people who had nothing better to do when ponds would freeze.  

The point of the game is to make a rubber disk go past a line at the front of a goal area. When that happens, a red lamp is lighted and the people watching punch each other on the arm and spill beer. That's unless the red lamp is lighted by the visiting team, in which case the people just spill beer.  

In ice hockey players often get into fights. It is rare in sport (see also the boxing chapter I wrote and the cockfighting chapter I did not) that the officials in charge stand back and allow fights to continue. In ice hockey, however, fighting is given tacit approval by the officials.  

"Tacit" is the fanciest word I've used so far and it contains just four or five letters.  

If I remember correctly, ice hockey uses about six players on each side. Teams have more players than that-otherwise who would the six players sit next to on the plane? The players who aren't on the ice tap their hockey sticks on the floor to encourage players who are on the ice. The players on the floor aren't encouraged by this, because they cannot see or hear the sticks being tapped on the floor, due to the fact somebody on the other team has them in a headlock or their faces are being smashed into the protective glass surrounding the rink.  

Wayne Gretzky is arguably the greatest ice hockey player ever. He was better at being a player than Melrose was at being a coach or is at being a commentator. I mentioned Melrose earlier because he's a good guy who one time handled an entire three-minute-long ice hockey highlight for me when I had to fill in on the NHL 2Night on ESPN2 when Bill Pidto was ill. The NHL 2Night highlight lad had delivered me a shot sheet (the notes written up to match the highlight video) for a thirty-second highlight, but then they instead rolled the three-minute version. I said to Barry, "You've always wanted to call a hockey highlight by yourself, right?" Then I walked away. Barry nailed the highlight without any notes in the same way I can make toast without a recipe. But back to Gretzky, who has never done anything for me.  

The fact I'm calling him arguably the greatest ice hockey player ever when he's never read a hockey highlight for me says something. It says I'm probably minimizing his greatness by inserting "arguably" when his very nickname was and is the Great One. I don't know if he makes his wife or children call him the Great One. I used to make my daughters call me Sire or Lord of All Nations. That was back when they believed I invented the sun. Way before fake earrings.  

Of Wayne Gretzky, Barry Melrose is quoted as saying the following: "a unique person and athlete who comes along very, very seldom." The fact Melrose said "very" twice makes me think there won't be an ice hockey player called Another Great One for a very, very long time.  

"O Canada" is a good song but I'm not moving to Canada, because I don't know very much about ice hockey.  

This book is making an excellent coaster.  

Australian Rules Football  

Australian Rules football is very popular in Australia, where many people know the rules.  

Very few people know the rules to tipping.  

Sure, there are those little slide rules one can purchase to cut down the time spent calculating just what the waiter or waitress deserves. I'm speaking instead of the larger question, the true rules of tipping-a great philosophical dilemma.  

I knew a guy in college who was taught by his parents that one should tip one dollar no matter the total price of the meal. That family is the reason waiters spit in food.  

We know by now that tips should be around 15 to 20 percent of the total bill. Is that before or after taxes? What if the food costs $100 but your date picks out a rare $2,500 bottle of wine? Should the waiter be tipped the 15 to 20 percent on the entire bill? If so, the tip would exceed the cost of the food. That better be good wine.  

Also, should there be a second date?  

I don't have to worry about that last scenario, because I'm married and rarely drink.  

But I do face the issue of tipping because of the great amount of travel I incur.  

"Incur" is a strange-looking word.  

My grand-nephew (I'm that old or my niece had a baby that young) James once tipped his teacher a twenty-dollar bill. He thought she was doing a good job.  

That was one of the rare occasions where a tip was refused. In many cases, the tip is built into the pricing, often disguised under other names. At fine hotels, room service is delivered with a high base price and an automatic tip. With the addition of "service and delivery" charges, I once had a cheeseburger, salad, and Coke (not Pepsi) for   seventy-eight dollars in New York City. There was a price for the actual food, another for the fact that the food was delivered to the room, and still another for the fact that a hotel employee had to push an elevator button and knock on my hotel room door. In addition, the room-service waiter did indeed offer a full review of exactly what had   occurred.  

Waiter: We have the cheeseburger, salad, and Coke.  

Me: Right.  

Waiter: Will there be anything else?  

Me: No. I think seventy-eight dollars is enough.  

It's at this point the waiter typically lingers in the room, unfolding my cloth napkin, inquiring as to whether ice cubes will be necessary, and pointing out how the Yankees are doing either quite well or not so quite well. It is at this point the waiter is hoping I put pen to paper and add Additional gratuity.  

I will do no such thing.  

I'm all for hefty tipping when the waiter or waitress has been a great sport, particularly inside a restaurant.  

Waiter: Will there be anything else?  

Me (circling the preassigned total on the bill): No. I think an effective tip rate of 25 percent is fair given the fact that all you did was push an elevator button and knock on my door.  

Waiter: I did also announce all the items that had been delivered. They were cheeseburger, salad, and Coke.  

Me: I'll put the tray in the hall.  

Housekeepers? They should be tipped even more often than teachers. And teachers should split their tips with janitors.  

Housekeepers should be tipped except in those cases where they already are being tipped. Some hotels now insert an extra 10 percent fee on the bill for "general services." When I caught this once in upstate New York, it was explained to me that the money is for the bellmen, valets, and housekeepers. Those were the same people who gladly accepted fives and tens from me all week.  

The automatic tipping charges act as protection for staff in the event the hotel is full of people who would also be capping all restaurant tips at one dollar no matter the price of the meal. Most people, however, actually tip a fair amount of money for a fair amount of work. What the institutionalized tipping does is create a standoff in what ought to be a friendly exchange of money for service.  

You...

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Verlag
Crown
Erscheinungsdatum
2009
Sprache
Englisch
ISBN 10 
0307396193
ISBN 13 
9780307396198
Einband
Taschenbuch
Anzahl der Seiten
256
Kontakt zum Hersteller
Nicht verfügbar
Verantwortliche Person
Nicht verfügbar

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