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How to lure 'taste the difference' prey? How to stay on trend over the centuries? What to look for in a coffin? Garlic and sunlight - as dangerous as they'd have us believe? Life for the recently turned vampire? It's a minefield. You've been thrown into a whole new world, with new rules and new powers to explore. But, more often than not, there's no one to guide you because chances are the vampire who turned you will shirk their mentoring duties. Never fear - with over 400 years of vampiric know-how, Miles Proctor is here to help. From practical issues like Fang Care and Luring Prey, through fundamental issues like Vampirosexuality and Existenial Crises, to the lighter matters like Faking Your Way Through a Meal and Alluding to Your Identity for Amusement, The New Vampire's Handbook is a treasure trove of must-have advice. With Miles's help you too can unleash your special powers and truly own your vampiric identity. Because you're worth it.
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Miles Proctor is AKA The Onion's Joe Garden, Chris Pauls, Anita Serwacki, and former Onion writers Scott Sherman and Janet Ginsburg, Together they have authored The Dastardly Book for Dogs and The Devious Book for Cats
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