Bark If You Love Me Pa: An Offbeat and Remarkable Tale of a Dog-Allergic Writer and the Abandoned Boxer She Rescued (Harvest Book) - Softcover

"Love works in mysterious ways, and a woman's best friend is definitely her dog. Read this book and find out."--Bark

 

Relatively indifferent to the natural world and happily independent, writer Louise Bernikow knew nothing about caring for pets. But one day while running along Manhattan's Hudson River, she came across an abandoned boxer and did what her mother always warned her against--she brought the strange male home. In this off-beat and comical story of their first year together he introduces her to the world of dog runs and to a local dive where the bartender pulls pints from the tap and dog biscuits from the drawer. She introduces him to the eccentric neighbors and to live as a media hound. When they meet a handsome man and his equally handsome dachsund, life takes an unexpected turn for both of them.

 

A remarkable tale about companionship, wonderfully written and captivating to the last.

 

"Lively, comical, self-aware and touching, this urban romance shows it is never too late to find love with the proper stranger--even if he happens to be a dog."--Philip Lopate

 

"A charming tale."--San Francisco Chronicle

 

The Rescue
 
On the sunny brink of Memorial Day weekend, I was out for an afternoon run in Riverside Park with nothing much on my calendar for the days ahead and a lot of clutter in my mind. I’d stretched my cramping legs and darted across the Drive, crammed bumper-to-bumper with cars full of people escaping the city. My idea of a holiday was staying home, sleeping, sorting the clutter. I needed a breather.
 
           The stone steps going down into the park reeked of canine and human piss. I exhaled at the bottom and started along the pavement, past an iron-fenced dog run with noisy nattering animals racing around, kicking up dust. On the flattened dirt path that common use had made a jogging trail, a woman of Olympian speed and musculature passed me going in the other direction, then a man and woman moving at a shuffle, hooked together to a Walkman.
 
           The gears meshed and I finally got a stride, until a big shaggy dog chasing a yelping smaller one raced across the path, right at my feet, and almost tripped me.
 
           “Get those dogs on a leash,” I shouted irritably over my shoulder in the general direction of two people standing and talking nearby, leashes dangling from their hands instead of attached to their canines.
 
           I recovered my balance and picked up speed, dodging a Frisbee. Sweat broke through under my arms and across my breastbone.
 
           No more than half a mile along, a police car was stopped along the roadway. People gathered around it. This generally meant a body had been found in the park or, more rarely, a jogger hurt. Since I can’t pass a hubbub without wanting to see what it’s about, I stopped, took a few deep breaths, and walked over. 
            The cops had their windows rolled down. On the driver’s side, a woman jiggled a baby in a three-wheeled canvas contraption she had been running with. Around her were several people in business clothes, a man holding two cocker spaniels on leashes, a young Asian woman with a huge long-haired dog lying like a rug at her feet, and another young woman in shorts and a Barnard College T-shirt.
 
           I asked what was going on.
 
           The police had a dog, the Barnard student said, who’d been found beaten, starving, tied to a tree. He needed a home. Oh, please, I thought, with all the trouble in this city, the police are out saving dogs?
 
           “We can’t have pets in the dorms,” the young woman was saying, “or I’d take it.” She looked tragic. It’s only a dog, I thought. Get a grip. I looked over her shoulder, into the car.
 
           He was curled like a cat, a dark brown ball with large amber eyes, huddled on the back seat. The man with the cocker spaniels was telling the cops he wanted the dog, but didn’t think his girlfriend would tolerate another one. Oh, don’t be such a wuss, I thought, but the man’s voice was fading away, like background noise in a movie scene. The woman, baby, and contraption jogged off. 
           The dog looked back at me. A boxer’s face, I thought, from meager experience. Flat, dark nose. Those eyes. He didn’t move, just looked me over, wearily, with some curiosity. He was panting and a long pink tongue spilled from his dark, parted lips.   
 
 
                      I WAS NOT A PERSON well acquainted with dogs or animals of any kind. No childhood memories of bounding with a tail-wagging pup over hill and dale or in the froth of the ocean’s spray, no grandma’s house where Lassie barked with glee at the sight of me, no beloved National Velvet colt hidden away in my heart. Politically, it made sense to save the whales, hug trees, and create humane conditions in which mare’s urine could be collected for transformation into hormones for menopausal women, but I never went to the barricades over animal rights issues. Let’s worry about people first, I always said. And did.
 
           On the Bronx sidewalks of my youth and in the large apartment houses, we were not canine-friendly. We were not, in fact, nature-friendly. “Nature” was laced with dangers, like spiders, wasps, and bees. Cats gave us the willies. Dogs were more scary and dirty to boot. They jumped up on you out of nowhere. They bit. They carried disease and that dreaded stuff called allergens. My mother, whose ostensible job was to guard her pups against the world’s dangers, always said I was allergic to trees, grass, and animals. Who was I, who had suffered asthmatic terrors far too often in my young years, to disagree?
 
           In this, as in most matters, my fearful mother generalized from a small truth. Life so far had proven her only partially right. Most of the perils described to me in my childhood had never materialized. I hadn’t picked up diseases from toilet seats in public bathrooms nor been found dead in the street after a car accident, wearing dirty underwear. Christians hadn’t betrayed me. Men hadn’t used me. I’d actually outgrown childhood problems like asthma and poor eyesight and had come to believe, like most Americans, that I’d left all limitations behind.
 
           But I hadn’t. In Los Angeles once, hobnobbing with movie people and jockeying for a deal, I’d stayed near the beach with an old friend and his two cats. The cats hadn’t registered until I woke in the night, gasping. I wheezed my way out of the house, walked near the shore, inhaling intensely. Although reason said buy medicine, stay elsewhere, make the deal, I went, instead, to the airport. The ticket change was costly, but the plane was mercifully free of cat. The deal fell through.               Yet for a week or two, some summers, while my friends Alyosha and Lisa left the Berkeley hills to travel, I watched over their house and dog. Ariel, a female black and white Portuguese water spaniel, didn’t make me sneeze, gasp, itch, or flee. I drove around with hersticking her nose out thecar’s back window. We climbed the Indian rocks and stared out at San Francisco Bay. I ran the track off The Alameda with her on a leash, perplexed about going in circles. One night, she woke me, making a racket, thumping her tail on the floor. I, who had never been able to give orders to anyone, told her firmly to stop. In the California morning, I discovered, listening to the radio, that Ariel’s tail thumping had been an alert. A minor earthquake had come in the night.
 
           But Ariel belonged to California and my relationship with her was a Pacific Coast–induced aberration, like eating sprouts or saying freeway. At heart, I was a New Yorker, a clotheshorse, a snob, a feminist intellectual, and a world adventurer, happier...