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The Healthy Mind Toolkit: Simple Strategies to Get Out of Your Own Way and Enjoy Your Life - Softcover

Boyes PhD, Alice

 
9780143130703: The Healthy Mind Toolkit: Simple Strategies to Get Out of Your Own Way and Enjoy Your Life
Softcover
ISBN 10: 0143130706 ISBN 13: 9780143130703
Verlag: Penguin Publishing Group, 2018

Inhaltsangabe

An empowering guide to overcoming self-defeating behaviors
 
I can’t believe I just did that!
Why does this always happen to me?
I really should stop myself from . . .

Sound familiar? Whether we’re aware of it or not, most of us are guilty of self-sabotage. These behaviors can manifest in seemingly innocuous ways, but if left unchecked can create stress and cause problems in all areas of your life.

In The Healthy Mind Toolkit, Dr. Alice Boyes provides easy, practical solutions that will help you identify how you’re holding yourself back and how to reverse your self-sabotaging behaviors. Blending scientific research with techniques from cognitive behavioral therapy, this engaging book will take you through the steps to address this overarching problem, including how to:

   • Identify the specific ways you're hurting your success in all aspects of your life
   • Capitalize on the positive aspects of your extreme traits instead of the negatives
   • Find creative solutions to curb your self-defeating patterns
   • Practice self-care as a problem-solving strategy

Filled with quizzes and insightful exercises to personalize your journey from harmful behaviors to healthy habits, The Healthy Mind Toolkit is the essential guide to get out of your own way and get on the path to success.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Alice Boyes, PhD, is a former clinical psychologist turned writer and is the author of The Anxiety Toolkit. She is a popular blogger for Psychology Today, where her articles have more than ten million views, and she contributes to various magazines and blogs. Her research has been published by The American Psychological Association.

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Chapter 1

How to Use This Book

Welcome

Have you ever experienced that feeling of exasperation when you realize you've created a problem for yourself? Maybe you stress yourself out over a request from your boss that turns out to be nothing, or you eat an entire family-size bag of popcorn because you didn't plan ahead while at the grocery store, or you turn down an opportunity because you're just not sure you can handle it. Whatever your situation, there's a common theme-you're getting in your own way.

In The Healthy Mind Toolkit, you'll discover the ways in which you're holding yourself back and how to leave that behavior behind. I'll help you escape from self-defeating traps so you can enjoy a clear, calm mind and more productivity, freedom, and resilience.

Together, we'll identify where you go wrong with your decision making. Then I'll help you put together a personalized toolkit of the skills you'll need for optimizing your thoughts and actions, which we'll tailor to your nature, lifestyle, and preferences. The result will be that you'll feel more relaxed, you'll sense your life is on the right track, and you'll have enough mental energy to withstand everyday stress and take on meaningful personal challenges.

The book is divided into five sections: understanding yourself, foundation skills, correcting thinking errors, relationships psychology, and finally, work and money. In modern life, most of us don't have any spare time or willpower for implementing ideas that are excessively complicated and exhausting. You need easy, practical solutions, which is exactly what you'll learn here. We'll work on both knowing what to do to achieve more of what you want and how to do what you know, so that you can successfully implement your insights and the book's tools.

Self-defeating behaviors are quite common, so you're certainly not alone in having this problem. And while each person's unique thought patterns and habits will be their own, there's a lot of overlap across people too. I can personally relate to many of the problem patterns we'll work through. In many cases, I've found simple solutions that work for me consistently. I've got strategies that prevent me from experiencing self-generated stress, or I can easily spot self-sabotage when I'm doing it and correct it on the fly. For example, I'm much better than I used to be at taking breaks, switching off my phone, prioritizing what I work on, seeing and implementing the simplest solutions to challenges, maintaining a balance between being cautious and carefree (preventing excessive worrying and ruminating), and not being penny wise but pound foolish.

In some cases, I find my self-sabotaging actions are harder to consistently prevent. I tend to react to change and surprises with anxiety-driven defensiveness. For example, a friend recently suggested she coordinate her vacation with my family's existing plans to visit a mutual friend of ours. My initial (internal) reaction was "Accommodating three sets of babies' nap schedules is going to be such a pain." However, I know myself well enough to spot this negative thinking as my typical first reaction to virtually any proposed change of plans. Sure enough, within a few minutes of thinking it over I realized the positives of all three of us getting together would far outweigh any minor scheduling and planning issues. My knee-jerk hesitation quickly shifted to feeling really excited about seeing both friends. Likewise, if someone makes an unexpected request of me, I often overestimate what the person is asking me to do. It's only later when I've stepped back and gotten perspective that whatever has been asked of me seems achievable and not a big deal (or even positive). When it comes to handling trickier requests (for example, being asked to do something I don't want to do), an easy compromise or alternative solution frequently seems obvious once I've had time to digest and process what has been asked. Although I have good insight into my patterns in this area, I don't always manage to hide my initial defensiveness at the time, and I sometimes need to go back and "clean up," apologize, or correct my attitude after the fact.

Ideally, using what you'll read here, you'll discover strategies for preventing your self-sabotaging behaviors from occurring. Realistically, you'll probably find yourself doing a mixture of prevention and treating the wound, as I do. You'll permanently solve some problem habits, but a few will remain works in progress. I'll help you learn how to respond constructively when these types of ongoing patterns occur, so you don't go spiraling into harsh self-criticism and rumination or blaming others unfairly. That way you can limit (or even reverse) any negative impact of your tendencies on yourself and your relationships.

Interestingly, many self-sabotaging patterns that look unrelated on the surface are actually two sides of the same coin. Here are some common examples. Can you relate to any of the following?

You:

Have too much chaos in your life, and not enough structure and routine.        Stick too rigidly to self-imposed rules and routines.

Give up too soon.        Persist too much.

Get excited and rush into action, without enough thought.        Overthink and delay action because you never feel 100 percent sure.

Have a thinking style that's too optimistic. You focus mainly on the potential upside of actions and don't pay enough attention to potential problems.        Have a thinking style that's too pessimistic. You shoot down good ideas, sweat the small stuff, and hold back from potentially wonderful opportunities.

Fail to reflect on and learn from past mistakes.        Ruminate about the past and are prone to feeling excessive guilt and shame.

Have a "now" focus. You prioritize current wants at the expense of future well-being.        Have a future focus. You deny yourself pleasure now in the hope of reaping rewards later.

Take too little responsibility. You have a tendency to blame others. You underestimate your control over your life. You hand responsibility over to others.        Take too much responsibility. You overestimate your control over events and other people. You resist delegating.

Don't assert your preferences.        Tend to dictate that others fit in with your terms, schedule, and preferences.

Have too little understanding of yourself and your nature. You do too little self-reflection.        Have too rigid a view of your own nature. You do too much navel gazing.

Tend to underestimate how hard or time-consuming tasks will be.        Tend to overestimate how hard or time-consuming tasks will be and fear them unnecessarily.

Underwork.        Overwork.

Don't utilize small scraps of time effectively.        Cram productive activity into any spare second, without giving yourself any true, guilt-free downtime.

Think too big.        Think too small.

Don't care what...

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Verlag
Penguin Publishing Group
Erscheinungsdatum
2018
Sprache
Englisch
ISBN 10 
0143130706
ISBN 13 
9780143130703
Einband
Taschenbuch
Anzahl der Seiten
304
Kontakt zum Hersteller
Nicht verfügbar
Verantwortliche Person
Nicht verfügbar