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Now Say This: The Right Words to Solve Every Parenting Dilemma - Softcover

Turgeon MFT, Heather; Wright MFT, Julie

 
9780143130345: Now Say This: The Right Words to Solve Every Parenting Dilemma
Softcover
ISBN 10: 014313034X ISBN 13: 9780143130345
Verlag: Penguin Publishing Group, 2018

Inhaltsangabe

A powerful new parenting book that gives parents the exact words to solve any sticky parenting situation!

A toddler meltdown over the wrong pair of pants, siblings fighting in the back of the car, kids crying when you try to leave the house...
Parents have the best intentions to be patient and loving, but in the heat of the moment, they too often find themselves feeling helpless, desperate, and so frustrated that they resort to yelling, threatening, bribing, or caving. Now Say This solves the dilemma: how can you be empathic and effective at once? Based on the popular 3-step "ALP" model the authors have taught thousands of parents in their clinical practice, and written in a friendly, balanced, and research-based tone, Now Say This addresses issues such as,

  • Tantrums
  • Engaging cooperation
  • Sibling relationships
  • Screentime
  • Bedtime
    • Best of all, it answers the question, "Now, what do you actually say?" using scripts and body language from real life examples. Now Say This is a guide that transforms remarkable ideas into practical how-to's that busy parents can use right away.

    Die Inhaltsangabe kann sich auf eine andere Ausgabe dieses Titels beziehen.

    Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

    Heather Turgeon, MFT is a psychotherapist who specializes in sleep and parenting. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times and The Washington Post, among others. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and two kids. She and Julie frequently speak at parenting centers and schools, and offer sleep consultations and individual therapy.

    Julie Wright, MFT is the creator of the Wright Mommy and Me, one of Los Angeles' best known mommy and me programs. She has specialized training and experience in the 0-3 years, interning at Cedars Sinai Early Childhood Center and LA Child Guidance Clinic. She divides her time between Los Angeles and New York City and has a son in college.

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    Chapter One

    Three Steps for Communicating in Difficult Moments

    Unless I'm responding with my whole self-unless, in fact, I'm willing to be changed by you-I'm probably not really listening.

    -Alan Alda

    Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?

    Your kids will not brush their teeth or put on their shoes. You feel as though you're always nagging. You eventually snap and raise your voice, and then feel bad later.

    After asking your preschooler five times to turn off her iPad, her only reaction is to have a meltdown on your living room floor.

    Your children tease, provoke and even hit each other. You repeatedly insist, "be nice to your brother/sister," but the only peace comes from separating them.

    Your school-age child resists and negotiates with you over unfinished homework. You try to explain the importance of hard work. He gets mad and slams his bedroom door.

    Your three-year-old has an epic tantrum in a restaurant because she wants your phone. You'd like to have a nice family dinner but instead each child, as well as your partner, ends up on a device.

    Despite your patient assurances, your eight-month-old does not cease crying, squirming, and kicking on the changing table as you struggle to change her diaper.

    Though you have clearly said it's time for sleeping, your toddler is running, giggling, throwing toys-anything except heading to bed.

    As a parent, these are moments when you're just trying to get by. You want your child to listen, to stop crying or complaining, to get with the program and keep moving.

    But there's a voice in the back of your head telling you that being a parent is about more than getting by. You are raising a human being. You are in charge of guiding and supporting a budding little person. When we ask the parents we work with what they wish for their child-what kind of person they hope their child grows into-the most popular answers are:

    Feels loved and is loving

    Is confident

    Has a moral compass

    Works hard and is high achieving

    Is self-disciplined

    Feels peaceful and positive most of the time

    Is self-aware

    Is connected to family

    Has empathy for self and others

    When you think about your bigger goals as a parent, it puts the everyday struggles in a different light. Yes, you want the shoes to go on, the crying to stop, and the homework to get done. But ultimately, you want something deeper. You want a loving, strong connection with your child. You want to teach her, to support her growing brain to think creatively, to cultivate empathy, and to develop problem-solving skills and self-esteem.

    That's what this book is about. There's a lot of advice out there about "discipline"-promising to get your child to do what you say-but we want more for you. The way you communicate in difficult moments-how you listen, your body language, and your choice of words and actions-will steadily influence how your child feels about herself, relationships, and the world around her.

    The Win-Win of Good Parenting

    The science of child development and parenting is complex and nuanced. Of course it is; humans are infinitely complex creatures, and no two relationships are the same. But thankfully, research does converge on a through line of what makes for a good parent and a well-adjusted, successful child. It's a mix of characteristics that might, at first, seem like they don't work together. You might even see them as opposites-but in this book, we'll show you how they fit together perfectly. This "gold standard" of parenting has been described in different ways by clinicians and scholars over the years: warmth and high expectations, empathy and clear limits, kind and consistent. Studies of children who are parented this way show them to be confident, caring, self-regulated, high-achieving little people.

    No doubt, you work at this balance every day. You have mountains of love for your child, and yet you also want her to know that you are the parent, and you are in charge. This is the win-win.

    Win Win

    Warmth High expectations

    Empathy Clear limits

    Kind Consistent We're going to show you how the win-win will not only help you solve your problems in the moment, it will lead you to your bigger goals. In fact, you'll be surprised to see, with the methods in this book, that the ideal stance is to be firmly planted in both sides at the same time. They work together. Most parenting struggles come from a breakdown on one side of the win-win. We see it every day in our practice: A dad who has high demands for his son but cannot accept his difficult emotions. A mom with endless warmth who cannot hold limits and feels walked all over by her kids. In the media and in your social circles, you hear one side of the same dilemma over and over again. Some people think we should respond more sensitively to babies and kids to build a secure attachment. Others think children don't have enough structure and that parents are too soft and lenient.

    Decades of research supports the "win-win" of good parenting. Studies show that parenting styles high on responsiveness (warmth, sensitivity) and expectations (demands that parents put on a child to integrate into the family and society) are linked to children's higher school achievement. When parents teach and encourage collaboration in a warm emotional environment, kids learn more than when parents use rewards and punishments.

    Three Steps, and Words, for the Win-Win

    We are here to teach you how to have both, as we've done with thousands of families using our three-step model of communication.

    With this three-step approach-attune, limit set, and problem solve, or "ALP"-we will teach you how to maintain the win-win. Our families tell us over and over how empowered and confident the three steps make them feel. They tell us that they spend less time struggling and more time enjoying their kids. ALP allows them not just to get through difficult moments, but to connect and deepen their family relationships.

    Once you understand the why of the ALP approach, we're going to take it a step further-we're going to give you the actual words. You don't have to repeat them exactly (in fact, over time we hope you create your own!). The scripts in this book give you a concrete place to begin.

    With these tools as your starting point, we want to change the way you think about your role as a parent. We're going to challenge you to lean into difficult moments rather than fearing them, and, even in the heat of your most frustrating interactions, practice responses that keep the win-win in place. The rewards for your family will last a lifetime.

    ALP is not just a technique, it's a way of seeing children and family relationships that is based on these premises:

    Your child is capable.

    Difficult behavior is the "tip of the iceberg."

    Big emotions are like storms.

    These concepts are key to the effectiveness of ALP.

    Premise #1: Your Child Is Capable and Built for Good

    The premise of our first book, The Happy Sleeper, is a simple truth: Your baby is built to sleep. Sleep is natural. It's a message that resonates with parents because it helps them believe in their babies and give them credit for what they're capable of doing.

    So here's a secret that helps our parents change the way they communicate: children are built for good. It may not seem like it, in that moment when your toddler smacks her brother with a hard clump of Play-Doh or ruins a thoughtfully prepared meal by kicking her plate of spaghetti to the floor. But it's true. When we say children are built for good, what we mean is that kids are wired with the potential for empathy, for kindness, to learn from experiences, and to get along with others.

    Baby Skills

    The littlest of babies have...

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    Verlag
    Penguin Publishing Group
    Erscheinungsdatum
    2018
    Sprache
    Englisch
    ISBN 10 
    014313034X
    ISBN 13 
    9780143130345
    Einband
    Taschenbuch
    Anzahl der Seiten
    352
    Kontakt zum Hersteller
    Nicht verfügbar
    Verantwortliche Person
    GPSR Kontakt
    gpsr@libri.de

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