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Working with Difficult People, Second Revised Edition: Handling the Ten Types of Problem People Without Losing Your Mind - Softcover

Hakim, Amy Cooper; Solomon, Muriel

 
9780143111870: Working with Difficult People, Second Revised Edition: Handling the Ten Types of Problem People Without Losing Your Mind
Softcover
ISBN 10: 0143111876 ISBN 13: 9780143111870
Verlag: Penguin Publishing Group, 2016

Inhaltsangabe

A revised edition of the classic guide on how to best resolve conflict in today's technologically advanced workplace.

Your work day is filled with them--people who frustrate, impede, maneuver, undermine, plot, connive, and whine. This indispensable guide details specific techniques for handling all of them, with easy-to-follow scenarios for every situation.
 
Updated and revised to reflect modern issues including technology, generation gaps, and language barriers, this guide describes 10 kinds of culprits, from tyrants and bullies (regular and cyber) to the pushy and presumptuous to connivers and camouflagers; and offers helpful strategies and phrases for diffusing workplace tensions and effectively resolving conflicts.

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Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

AMY COOPER HAKIM, PhD, is the founder of The Cooper Strategic Group, a management consulting firm that specializes in training and development, targeted hiring, and survey design and analysis. As an Industrial/Organizational psychology practitioner she provides solutions to make businesses run smoothly and help employers find, maintain, and effectively utilize top-notch employees.

MURIEL SOLOMON worked in communications for over 40 years. She taught her "Strategic Talking" method to companies throughout the United States, and wrote a syndicated column for the Miami Herald for many years.

Auszug. © Genehmigter Nachdruck. Alle Rechte vorbehalten.

CHAPTER 1

WHEN YOUR BOSS IS BELLIGERENT

Narcissists

Bullies

Ruthless Monsters

First, let's admit it: We've all pulled idiotic maneuvers, and, frankly, we deserved it when the boss got enraged. Managers correct mistakes. That's their right.

But no one can give a boss the right to call you an ignoramus, especially in front of an audience. Somehow you have to reduce the abuse dished out by narcissistic, bullying, or heartless villains. Telling them off and storming out in a huff won't help. The fleeting satisfaction you receive from landing a verbal punch is a luxury you can't afford.

We're going to look at a better method for letting go of the hurt and going after what's really important to you: getting ahead in your job. You'll choose different strategies, depending on whether or not the boss is intentionally hostile. Either way, you can't assume you know what bosses want from you; they themselves must tell you what's on their minds.

However, you can't reason with the enraged. Wait until the boss calms down, then talk it over and, at least, agree on objectives. Listen hard, plot your strategy, and think before you speak up. That's how to handle a hostile boss.

Narcissists

Narcissists are ego-driven, big-headed, cold-blooded individuals who expect total loyalty from others without being loyal in return.

Narcissistic bosses take all the credit for any successes at work and lash out at those who do not demonstrate their trustworthiness. They are sneaky because they outwardly appear cool, calm, and collected. Yet those who know them feel that they are ticking time bombs and tiptoe around them so as not to be in their path.

Narcissists have the uncanny ability to make you feel like gold one moment and like dirt the next. When they explode, it's with a no-holds-barred attitude. Anything is fair game, including exposing information that was shared in private.

Of course, your boss should expect loyalty. However, not knowing when you will be in the "hot seat" is demoralizing and unnerving.

What You're Thinking

When I took this job, I had no idea that my polished boss could be so mean! I've learned that my day is much more pleasant if I can stay below his radar. Knowing that my actions are constantly being scrutinized has me jumping out of my skin. Just the other day, my boss praised me privately and then outwardly embarrassed me five minutes later because he felt that I crossed him. What's next? Why is he so flippant and hypercritical?

A Narcissist's Thoughts

I'm responsible for this whole team. None of these workers would be anywhere without me. I can be someone's best friend or worst enemy. If people cross the line with me, then they deserve to be exposed and ridiculed. After all, why should I respect workers who aren't loyal to me?

Strategy

Your goal is to be treated with respect by reducing hostility and developing mutual trust.

1. Respect yourself. You can speak up without either cringing or being insubordinate.

2. Clarify expectations. Don't leave a conversation without fully understanding what is expected. Then, create a paper trail by recapping your conversation by email.

3. Highlight priorities. Stress what's important to the company-getting assigned work completed and performed well.

Tactical Talk

Boss: (In public.) I need [xyz] done by tomorrow. I'm expecting perfection. You used to be my shining star, but I'm not so sure I can count on you anymore. Maybe I should just give this project to Billy.

You: What you are asking me to do now is different from what we discussed yesterday. I sent you an email right after our other conversation, to make sure that we were on the same page.

Boss: Do you think I have time to read all the emails that come through my inbox?

You: I know that we both have the same goal, which is to do work correctly the first time. I want to meet your standards but am confused about expectations. Is it more important for me to change direction now or to meet the original deadline?

Tip: Narcissists lack self-confidence, which is why they are so quick to turn on you if your actions will make them look bad. Emphasize your loyalty while standing your ground and you'll be back on their good side in no time. Still, always keep one eye open due to their unpredictable nature.

Bullies

Bullies are habitually cruel, threatening your present and future because loss of control frightens them.

Bullies believe they can maintain control if they use hate and fear as weapons. They appear self-confident and strong because they intimidate weaker people. If you submit, or act afraid, or react with rage, that proves to them that you are inferior and deserve to be disparaged.

When these bosses belittle you, crushing your self-confidence with their authoritarian threats, your best defense is an offense. You have to stand up to the Bully.

What You're Thinking

My boss tortures me with emotional blackmail. If I don't do exactly what she wants when she wants, I'll never get a raise or move up; she could even make me lose my job. I can't afford to upset her, so I hide my anger. But my stomach is in knots over working with this ogre. I'm always tense and on edge.

A Bully's Thoughts

These people make me mad. They're so weak and stupid. They can't think anything through. Well, I told them the right way to handle it. Yes, it was the right way. I'll show them who's boss. At any rate, the matter is not negotiable. I must prove I am right. If I frighten them and show them how weak they are, they will see how strong I am.

Strategy

Your aim is to protect your job by redeeming your self-esteem, thereby gaining the Bully's respect. Stop accepting the situation. Arm yourself with friendliness and self-confidence and avoid a clash of wills.

1. Practice confrontation at home. You want to appear firm, strong, and unemotional-even if you're shaking in your boots. Make a video of this practice run. Review it to perfect your content, tone, and body language.

2. Let Bullies vent their anger without interrupting them; then focus on their concerns. In a pleasant tone, pose questions to get them to disclose what's really bugging them. They may be Bullies, but they're human, so don't be surprised if they react positively when you show concern for their feelings.

Tactical Talk

Boss: You are wrong. Shut up and listen and then do as you're told, or else you can empty out your desk and you're history.

You: Okay, Boss, I can see you don't agree. Of course, you have the final say, and I'll do my best-everything I possibly can-to carry out your decision. But it would seem that- (Boss interrupts, but you continue, interrupting the interrupter.)

You: Excuse me, I'm not through. Give me thirty seconds to finish this point. If [xyz] causes the problem, what would happen if we shifted the . . . ?

Tip: Bullies lose their power if you don't cower. Deep down, they doubt they deserve your respect. They admire you for speaking with self-assurance and confidence. So when they bombard, don't counterpunch. Win them over with your strong, firm, courteous demeanor.

Ruthless Monsters

Ruthless Monsters take pleasure in causing you difficulty.

Ruthless Monsters also are hostile, but their joy is in catching you in a mistake and making you squirm. With an "Aha, gotcha!" look, they get their kicks out of attacking you or threatening to fire you, and it's more delightful for them if their reprimand is given in front of your colleagues or customers.

Ruthless Monsters demand blind obedience, but keep changing the rules to fit their whims. They berate you for errors they initiated and then not only deny any responsibility, but also fail to show you a better way.

With...

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Verlag
Penguin Publishing Group
Erscheinungsdatum
2016
Sprache
Englisch
ISBN 10 
0143111876
ISBN 13 
9780143111870
Einband
Taschenbuch
Anzahl der Seiten
352
Kontakt zum Hersteller
Nicht verfügbar
Verantwortliche Person
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