CHAPTER 1

What Keeps You Up at Night?

Picture yourself on a warm summer's day, pulling into Lee's Ferry, Arizona, on arickety old yellow school bus—your transportation from Page, Arizona. Youunpack your belongings, stuff them into a dry bag, and begin the orientation forthe eight-day river trip through the Grand Canyon. During your plane ride andbus ride to the middle of nowhere, your cares have melted away. Your onlyfrustration is that you didn't bring enough sunblock. As your adventure down theColorado River begins, your attention for the next eight days turns to nothingmore than the whitewater and red rock. Not surprisingly, when you crawl intoyour sleeping bag at night, the only thing keeping you awake is the panorama ofthe Milky Way.

Then, almost as quickly as it began, you're in that small plane once again,heading toward your connecting flight in Las Vegas—and the life you leftbehind. You return home tired and sunburned, but totally refreshed. After youunpack and unwind a bit, you climb into bed and suddenly your normal lifereasserts itself.

Whether it's sick and crying children, flu pandemics, an ornery boss, highertaxes, a nagging recession, an angry ex-spouse, the prospect of losing your job,not being able to retire, or troubled and puzzling relationships, a myriad offrustrations play out on the stage of your mind as you lie in bed at night. Yourriver trip has quickly become a distant memory.

What Do You Really Want?

If you ask yourself, "What's keeping me awake at night?" your answer may bedifferent from the answer of the person you're sleeping next to, but almosteveryone's answers center on one fundamental concern:

I am not getting the results I want!

Your concern may be with a surly teenager who seems incapable of turning in ahomework assignment. You and he have been fighting about results—shortterm (as in making it through the term with passing grades) and long term (as inhis not looking back 40 years down the road and wishing he had that high schooldiploma).

Your concern may be with a 401(k) that is still in the toilet and seemsincapable of climbing out. Again, you're talking about results, like being ableto retire before you're 80.

Your concern may be work-related—a difficult boss who won't listen toreason, an impossible task with an even more impossible deadline, that coworkerin the office next door whose voice is like fingernails on a chalkboard and whoseems to spend all day on the phone with her sick (and apparently emotionallyunstable) mother.

Most challenges are tied to the results that we want and the expectation we haveof others to provide them. Have any of the following situations ever held youback from results you want?

Difficulties at Work

Sometimes we engage in "work-arounds" to get our work done, whether we'redealing with coworkers, family members, or other associates. We may also findourselves working around certain people, processes, or policies that end updictating what we do. It's just easier to avoid everything we think is"difficult" and just do it in a way that works for us.

"Problem Children"

Problem children fall into two categories: the ones we work with and the ones wegave birth to. At home, how much time have you spent arguing with a child overtaking out the trash, doing homework, or meeting curfews, only to have the sameargument the next day or week?

At work, you likely deal with people who are unreliable, uncooperative, orunskilled—and who consume enormous amounts of time and energy. Perhaps youhave spent hours talking with such people, but little if anything changes. So,rather than continuing to engage with them, you give their work to someone youknow will perform. Or you do it yourself. Either way, work isn't getting doneand frustrations, on all sides, continue to mount.

Groundhog Day Repeats

You won't get results if you hold a meeting or have a conversation—andthen repeat it over and over again. If you can't come to an agreement, you havea problem. If you come to an agreement and then have to come to the sameagreement again, you have a bigger problem.

Deference to Authority

It's one thing to be respectful, or to expect employees, children, and the liketo show deference. But if we're continually deferring to those we answer to orexpecting complete compliance from those who answer to us, we'll never deal withissues effectively. Worse, such behavior leads to wasted energy and frustrationbecause nothing ever changes and even less gets achieved. And no one ever feelscomfortable enough to tell you what's really going on or to disagree, so littlein the way of learning ever occurs. It's just easier to go along to get along.

Abuse of Authority

Parents have authority. Employers have authority. When it's used judiciously,good things happen. When it's abused—through micromanagement,intimidation, or verbal or nonverbal threats—people shut down andproductivity ceases.

"Lip-Service" Change Initiatives

How many times have you watched a leader make a pronouncement or implement achange plan that is then left to wither on the vine? Lots of talk and no action.Unfortunately, even though the person with the plan may have forgotten his orher empty challenges or promises, those on the receiving end have long memories.The outcome is that the next time around, people will say "yes" with their lipswhile their heads, hearts, and hands say "NO!"

Fear of the Unknown

For whatever reason, be they real or imagined, people fear speaking up becauseof what might happen to them. "Better to be safe than sorry," they believe, socandor and openness are what you read about in leadership books.

No Accountability

When people aren't held accountable, deadlines are missed, commitments arebroken, skepticism and cynicism abound, and everyone blames someone else. Then,the lack of accountability seems to become the norm rather than the exception.

Lack of Respect

Unwarranted blame, harsh criticism, and other aggressive behaviors lead todisrespect and mistrust. Then, the resulting lack of respect leads todisengagement, disloyalty, and an absence of initiative.

Lack of...