CHAPTER 1

THE COACHING SPIRIT

PRINCIPLE 1Believe in Human Potential for Greatness

Man was designed for accomplishment, engineeredfor success, and endowed with the seeds of greatness.—Zig Ziglar

At the heart of a great coach is a firm belief that each person is a uniquelyvaluable individual with distinct gifts and potential for greatness. A coachknows how to appreciate what is special in others and believes that every personis created to be magnificent in their own way.

Leadership guru John C. Maxwell asserts that talent is never enough. "Belieflifts your talent. Your talent will not be lifted to the highest level unlessyou also have belief." There are four main ways in which believing in humanpotential for greatness can be a talent lifter.

• Lift your talent to coach by believing in people's potential for greatness.

• Lift the talent of the people you coach by believing in their potential forgreatness.

• Lift your talent by believing in your own potential as a great coach.

• Lift the talent of the people you coach when they believe in your potential asa great coach.

As a coach, you gain increased motivation when you are able to see the championin each person you coach. When you have strong faith and belief in the potentialof the people you coach, it lifts their talent and inspires them to accomplishmore. When you believe in your own potential as a great coach, you lift your owntalent and motivation to coach. When the people whom you coach believe in yourpotential, it will lift their talent and motivation to be coached.

The net positive effect in believing in one's human potential for greatness ismultiplied when it permeates the relationship between the coach and client.Coaching is an unconditionally supportive relationship, and as you coach youwant to offer full acceptance and an unbiased belief in the person you arecoaching regardless of his or her present performance.

It has been said that belief is more than a thought that a person possesses; itis a thought that possesses the person. A belief in the unlimited humanpotential for greatness is a habit of the mind in which confidence becomes avirtue to be embraced. In order to be a highly effective coach, you need to makebelieving in people, yourself, and your mission one of your top priorities. Ifyou want good results, you have to perform good actions. If you want to performgood actions, you must have good expectations. To have good expectations youmust first believe your goals are achievable.

The globally acclaimed author of Fully Human, Fully Alive: A New Life through aNew Vision, John Powell, estimates that an average person taps only 10 percentof his potential, sees only 10 percent of the beauty that is all around him,hears only 10 percent of its music and poetry, smells only 10 percent of itsfragrance, and tastes only 10 percent of the deliciousness of being alive. Sincemost people neither see nor seize the untapped opportunity that constantlysurrounds them, there is a vast potential waiting to be unleashed.

You know that people are always capable of much better results than those theyare currently getting. This might include better physical fitness, higher jobperformance, more loving relationships, and so on. As a coach, you willencounter situations where people do not succeed or don't measure up toexpectations in the face of huge commitments. During such times, your belief intheir potential for greatness is even more important; that belief needs toremain steadfast.

Even at a time when someone is going through great difficulties at work or athome, as a coach you must still be able to see the goodness in them and bring itto the surface. This is easier said than done, but believing in people no matterwhat must be a conscious choice, a decision you make, and a habit you inculcatewith constant practice even when it's challenging. If, as a coach, you covertlybelieve that your client is not able to succeed in achieving his or her goals,if you feel that she or he is not capable enough, this can undermine your entirecoaching process.

If you are coaching someone to become an effective presenter and have seen theperson performing poorly, you may have formed a belief that this person isunlikely to become an effective speaker. When this happens, your ability tocoach the person will be flawed. When you are pessimistic regarding the outcome,this will undermine your coaching conversations. Your negative expectationscould subconsciously affect their confidence and lessen the likelihood ofsuccess. This does not mean that if someone sets an unrealistic goal that youshould not explore ways to make changes to the goal or work on a different goal.But it does mean you should maintain a positive view of the outcome of yourcoaching.

Sun Tzu wrote in The Art of War that when troops prepare for battle, if theylose the fight within their own minds even before the battle begins, theirchances of winning are diminished by up to 50 percent. He emphasizes theprofound effect that belief has on the ability to win. The certain belief in thegreat potential that lies within all people, releases the power that drives asuccessful coaching practice.

CASE STUDY: DAVID'S STORY

David was a general manager of a multinational shipping company based in LongBeach, California, and formerly a captain in the armed forces. His father foughtin World War II and while raising his kids had followed a strict militaryregimen. David was well known in his company as a very tough, no-nonsense boss.His employees feared him since he was good at finding people's faults, though healso fixed them. His command-and-control style meant that employees were notexpected to act proactively and creatively in the face of escalatingenvironmental changes. Employee morale was low, and business was decliningrapidly. David had to face this crisis on his own without the support of hisemployees. The prolonged high stress affected David to the point that he had toundergo heart surgery.

One of our professional coaches worked with David. It was very difficultinitially, and for the most part his staff believed that he could not and wouldnot change. The coach had confidence in David's greatness and believed that hewas capable of notable achievements. When David knew that the coach was fullypresent for him and would champion his cause without being judgmental, he beganto speak what was in his heart. When David fully articulated the tremendous painin his life and his coach listened empathically, it was as if a massive weightwas lifted from his shoulders. David became aware that his leadership approachwas not bearing fruit. The awareness and acceptance of how his approach waslimiting his achievements became the eureka moment that fueled histransformation. It gave David the motivation to invent his new approach toleadership, which he called "Participative-Appreciative Leadership."

Old habits take time and discipline to change, so David's coach encouraged himto create a way to remind himself to stay with his new approach until the newhabit became locked in. One of the many self-created support structures thatproved effective for David was this: He instructed all his employees that everytime he reverted to his old style of leadership, they were to say to him, "Yes,Captain!" He knew—or suspected—that when they did this he would laugh out loudat himself, interrupting his old military pattern.

As he constantly replaced his old pattern with the new one, he began to reap therewards of what his coach believed he was capable of achieving. His belief inhimself soared, and so did his performance.

Nine months into the coaching relationship, David had created a new work culturethat increased staff satisfaction and performance. The change was so profoundthat he received the "Outstanding Leader of the Year" award from his headoffice. His wife expressed deep gratitude when she told the coach that David wasnow a changed man. In his acceptance speech David said, "I am eternally gratefulto my coach for believing in me when no one else did. You are the wind beneathmy wings. You lifted me up and that changed my life." When he paused to wipeaway his tears, you could have heard a pin drop. The song "Wind Beneath MyWings" sung by Bette Midler played in the background, and David's coach andstaff were moved to tears.

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The mindset of a coach includes the belief that people are inherently good; theywant to contribute, and they want to improve. The coach knows people makemistakes but that most people do not make those mistakes intentionally. Rememberto take a stand for people's greatness and always start from a belief thatpeople want to succeed in their goals and commitments. Everyone has talents andstrengths, and the role of a coach is to bring these out and to help people touse their core genius purposefully. When they do, they will shine magnificently.

The more you believe in people's potential, the more reason they will give youto believe in them. Eventually you will wake up one morning realizing that youhave also been transformed, and the way you look at people and life will neverbe the same.

Imagine when you are searching for that rainbow, faced with an apparentlyunassailable mountain range in your way, that there is a coach who trulysupports you, wholeheartedly believes in you, and knows that you are capable ofclimbing over those mountains. You will be inspired to grow and become the bestperson you can be. Such an experience is tremendously uplifting and enriching.That is when you will embody the true spirit of a coach who firmly believes inhuman potential for greatness.

You must understand that seeing is believing,but also know that believing is seeing.—Denis Waitley

PRINCIPLE 2Fulfillment Flows from Adding Value to Others

Where your talent and the needs of theworld cross, your calling can be found.—Aristotle

Calling, Life Purpose, and Fulfillment

Great coaches realize that coaching is a calling, a clarion command to use yourtalent to serve something bigger than yourself for a greater good. Answering acalling keeps our life purpose from becoming selfish, while it addresses ourdeep desire to use our lives for something significant and worthwhile. Ultimatefulfillment and significance come from a lasting sense of joy and satisfaction,from fully living a life purpose centered on adding value to others. Animportant part of personal fulfillment is the sense that we are part ofsomething bigger than ourselves, that our work makes a difference for others. Ascoaches, we know that the world is a better place because of what we have done.

How Coaching Adds Value to People

Coaches add value to people, in five ways. They help people to find satisfactionin (1) achieving goals, (2) overcoming problems, (3) learning and developing,(4) installing new beliefs and habits, and (5) experiencing fulfillment in theirwork and lives by uplifting others. As we saw in the earlier case study ofDavid, the coaching process made a big difference for David and created lastingfulfillment for the coach. The strong feeling of fulfillment and gratitude thathe received touched the coach so deeply that he would remember it for the restof his life.

What People Appreciate and Remember Most

When world-renowned leadership author Richard Boyatzis asked people who had beenthe most valuable people to them in their careers, he found that about 80percent of all people said that it was those who had helped them extend theirdreams and reach for new positive experiences in their lives. On the other hand,those people who highlighted people's faults and made others feel small were notvalued.

The Absence of Fulfillment

We all know people who pursue money, power, or pleasure as an ultimate end. Theyare never happy because they can never get enough, and they always want more andmore for themselves. These things are temporary and fleeting, and even if theirpossessions make people feel good for a while, soon enough they run out; yetlike an addiction, they keep yearning for more. There are many people in theworld who seem to work very hard and achieve success, money, and fame—yet a truesense of lasting fulfillment is still largely absent from their lives becausethey have not dedicated themselves to serving a greater good. The positiveemotions of true fulfillment tend to come most strongly as a result of hard workand sacrifice in the service of an end that is bigger than yourself.

CASE STUDY: JESSICA'S STORY

At the age of 28, Jessica was depressed and devastated. It had been a bed ofroses when she was in school in Hong Kong. She won a national interschool speechcontest, wrote award winning poems, was very popular and scored straight As. Shewas in a great school with supportive teachers, counselors, and schoolmates.When she was able to shine, she felt loved and appreciated by the people aroundher.

After completing her master of banking and finance degree in Sydney, Australia,she took a job as branch operations executive in a bank. Twenty-four months intothis unfulfilling job, she was totally disillusioned about life. She hated herboss and secretly called him a sadist since he seemed to gain pleasure frommaking people suffer—just because he had gone through a lot of pain himself. Atthe slightest mistake he would trample on Jessica in front of others. He neverseemed to leave the office, and his staff was not supposed to leave before him.

Jessica's parents had high expectations of her, but she felt no love from themwhen she could not achieve the success they wanted from her. Her boyfrienddecided to leave her, sending a note saying that he could not live with a loser.Every night she cried herself to sleep in her lonely apartment.

A friend invited Jessica to a life-changing seminar by Anthony Robbins. Duringthe seminar she raised her hand to say that she needed help and expressed theseriousness of her problems. "Before the end of the seminar," she says, "I wasapproached by a coach who said he was willing to work with me with noexpectations or monetary reward; I decided to give it a try. Since my coach wasa very busy person from Malaysia, we did two-hour sessions every two weeks usingSkype. My coach knew that the pain in my life was unbearable. He did not talkmuch, so I did most of the talking. By the third session, I broke down in tears.After I had poured out all my suffering, I suddenly felt empty but much lighter.He then started to ask me about what I loved to do most and what I did well inschool."

The coach gave Jessica a template to fill out each week over a period of 12weeks. She was to write down what she did well and enjoyed doing at work. It wasdifficult at first but eventually she came to a realization that what she didwell and loved to do at school and at work boiled down to similar things. "Iloved to express myself in front of many people, socialize with like-mindedpeople and develop and create new things that others could enjoy. My coach askedme how I could embrace my true strengths and passion and that became myrevelation. Before that I had totally forgotten about my giftedness. Now I beganto engage it."

With encouragement from her coach, Jessica had the courage to visualize what herlife would be like if she used her gifts to the fullest. "He even asked if Iwanted to create my own affirmation." She fashioned one that sounded like, "I amgratefully and masterfully presenting, creating, and relating with people." Sherecorded this with her special tune on her smartphone and programmed a reminderto play this six times a day.

"My turning point came when my coach asked me how I could change thecircumstances that I was faced with. I thought about it for a whole week, andthe answer came when I met the head of training in the bank during a trainingsession. I spilled out my affirmation to him and asked if I could work with him.I was astounded when he called my boss, called my coach, and then called me tosay yes."