CHAPTER 1

Make the Right Connections—People Look for Those Who Fill a Need

Many a live wire would be a dead one except for his connections.

—WILSON MIZNER

Perhaps you can relate to one of my clients, Stacey:

"I know I need to get out and network, but I don't know the right places to go,don't have any time to do it, and don't really want to. I don't really liketalking about myself, and I don't want to come across as pushy or needy. Socialmedia networking is fun, but hasn't paid off for me. I don't want to waste mytime networking if nothing is going to happen from it."

Like Stacey, you may find it difficult to initiate conversations and beginbusiness relationships. Or you may be a natural networker. Either way, the firstcritical step is getting in front of the right people.

Why We Don't Get Out and Meet People

We can come up with millions of excuses for why we don't meet people and marketour businesses. Two of the most common factors that stop people from going outand pursuing connections are the lack of time and lack of confidence.

Making time to make connections

In an online survey I conducted about the challenges of relationship marketing,hundreds of people responded that they have no time to network, connect, andfollow up. I understand the busy lifestyles that we all have and how difficultit can be to make the time. I also believe that we make time for what'simportant. If we saw substantial payoff in our business, we would make the time.And if others saw substantial benefit in connecting with us, they would make thetime to do so.

The great thing about learning the psychological principles we will discuss isthat when you use them, your efforts will pay off more quickly and powerfully.You will actually spend less time because what you do will work better. For thisreason we will not discuss time management. Rather, commit to putting the ideasyou learn here into practice, dedicate enough time, and you will start to seeresults fairly quickly.

The challenge with all forms of marketing, however, is that results aretypically not immediate. You will need to continue to put some time in and dothe work before you get an immediate reward. You will see results months andyears after you put the time in. I often get e-mails from clients who I workedwith in the past telling me how they put the ideas we discussed into practicefor six months or so and their businesses and practices took off exponentially.This means that your initial time investment will be substantially higher thanyour ongoing time investment. Think of this like the principle ofinertia—a body at rest stays at rest, and a body in motion stays inmotion. It takes a great deal more to get things moving than to keep themmoving. Once you put the time and energy in to get things moving, they willbegin to pick up speed on their own—and you'll have much more time to dowith whatever you'd like.

Building confidence to make connections

In working with hundreds of service business owners, I've found four primarycauses for not having confidence to get out and network.

1. Lack of clarity about exactly what you do and how you help people.When you do not feel confident about your brand and message, it is difficult ifnot impossible to want to get out and share it. Without a clear message and away to grab attention, your fear can be valid because people may not listen orrespond as you would like. Often people who lack confidence in their message andunique value become focused on the competition. They see others who do what theydo and think that they do not measure up. Remember that we can always findsomeone better because we are our own worst critics. Do not bother comparingyourself to the "competition." Know that you are unique and different and evenif you offer the same services as someone else, you may better benefitparticular people because they resonate with you. We'll discuss ways tograb attention, engage emotion, and show your credibility in the next threechapters.

2. Lack of confidence that you will follow up with people. Networkingdoes take some time. If we believe that we won't follow up with people, we mayfigure, "Why bother?" This is a good question, and the answer is that youshouldn't bother networking if you will not follow up. There are two primaryreasons that you may have difficulty following up. The first reason is apersonal lack of organization. Some people, such as those with attention deficitdisorder, are naturally less organized and focused. If this is your challenge,you can work on creating systems to help you. These systems include externalaccountability and support, such as with a coach, assistant, or friend; officeorganization systems; contact management systems, such as that offered by theWeb site Solid.ly; and so on. The second reason is that you aren't sure how tobest follow up and deliver ongoing value. We'll go through strategies foreffectively following up in the second section of this book.

3. Lack of confidence that people will take action. This concern issimilar to the previous one. If you are not confident that people will hire you,refer to you, or buy from you, you're likely to figure, "Why bother?" When youlearn the strategies in the third part of the book, you will be better able tostimulate action and make your marketing pay off. Once you do this, you willhave greater confidence the next time.

4. Lack of extroversion. Initiating conversations is more difficult ifyou are shy. If you're introverted, it may not be particularly comfortable foryou to go up to people and start talking. By the way,...