CHAPTER 1

What Is Conflict Resolution?

There are two types of conflicts, particularly during any kind of change. Thefirst we'll call direct conflict. This is when it is clear there is a differenceof opinion, including:

* Your perception of the situation is at odds with another person's.

* Your point of view is at odds with someone else's.

* Your needs are at odds with another party's.

The second type of conflict involves situations where bad feelings develop overtime and create a barrier to relationships and productivity. We call this latentconflict. This kind of conflict can result from a number of causes, such as oneperson not handling the initial situation well right away, a lack of skills onthe part of one or more people in addressing the situation, or even thedifficult personality of one or more people involved.

Why Do We Avoid Conflict?

At some point, everyone avoids conflicts at work, for reasons both good and bad.Think of a conflict you are currently avoiding. Perhaps the conflict has beenlingering for a while, or maybe you think you can continue to do your workwithout resolving it. Whatever the case, something about this particularconflict is making you avoid getting it resolved. Some possible causes foravoiding resolution are that the conflict is:

* Too risky. You believe there is too much political risk to address it.A poorly handled conflict could result in fallout that will damage a project, atask, or even your career.

* Unpleasant. It is just hard.

* Too personal. You may think that the issue is not work related.

* Difficult to control. You do not have confidence you can controlyourself. Or maybe the other party has a history of being explosive and youthink you don't have the skills to manage the situation.

And as you may have experienced yourself, the tendency to avoid conflict isparticularly high when dealing with latent conflicts. Direct conflicts easilyburst into the open and require a solution, whether we like it or not.

These reasons for avoidance are all real and valid, as are many others. Thisbook will help you overcome these and other obstacles and find an approach thatwill enable you to address conflict productively and professionally.

Can Conflict Be Resolved?

We have yet to run across an organization where all conflict is resolved.Conflict ebbs and flows in relationships in organizations. In fact, if we saw noconflict during change in an organization (and as we all know they arecontinuously changing!), we would suspect the organization to be dying oralready dead! The emotional exchange of ideas and perceptions is a natural partof people working together.

Employees at all levels must continue working even when conflicts andambiguities exist. Of course, there are some work conflict situations that canbe addressed through a short dialogue to clear up misunderstandings. Manyothers, however, take more work. They require more energy, a willingness torevisit the issue, and a personal commitment to working things out in the longterm.

If you are looking at resolution as all parties being completely happy with theoutcome, then resolution is not attainable in most situations. Often, one personwill be happy and another not. Partnerships may not be even; there may be aclear hierarchy between, for example, boss and subordinate or customer andsupplier and the party in power just decides. Even if there is a more balancedpartnership, it can take a lot of effort and time to create a "win/win." Wedon't always have the energy and time to approach it this way. Other times aconflict—particularly latent conflicts—drags on, sometimes even along time. We hope it dissipates by itself—and sometimes it does, eitherbecause the situation has changed (again), key players change, or it may justbecome less important due to new priorities or a different mood (differentemotions) of the main parties.

Rules of Engagement

What does it take to successfully resolve conflict?

1. Conflict Resolution Is Not for the Faint of Heart

As a first step in approaching conflict resolution, look honestly at yourself tosee whether you have what it takes to address conflict. Attributes of a goodconflict handler include:

* Courage. Conflict always involves potential misinterpretation and hurtfeelings. It takes courage to walk calmly and deliberately through the ambiguityand try to resolve it.

* Balancing your interests with the interests of others. Ultimately, youmust care about the other person and her or her point of view to resolveconflict. If you focus too much on yourself, you are being inflexible. Too muchfocus on the other party, on the other hand, means you overlook your own needs.It takes a balanced view.

* Thinking on your feet. Being prepared is important. However, don'texpect to have your conflict resolution plan all worked out and be able to stickwith it. Humans are unpredictable, even the ones we know the best, so plan onadjusting your plan.

* Letting go of the "resolution." To be effective in conflict, one mustadopt the mind-set of living in the state of ambiguity. Many times, you willhave to live with an ongoing subtext of disagreement until sometime in thefuture when the issue may be resolved. Then again, it may never be resolved, orit may be resolved to the satisfaction of the other person but not you. Thebottom line is that you must accept that conflict will always exist, while acompletely satisfying resolution may not.

2. Know When to Give in and When to Hold Your Ground

A simple way to avoid unnecessary conflict and to only fight for your point ofview when necessary is to think about how much interest you have in the outcomeof a particular conflict compared to how much interest the other party has.Using these two dimensions, you can easily decide how to approach the conflict:

* Low interest to you, low interest to the other party: Forget it. Thisis not worth debating.

* Low interest to you, high interest to the other party: Give in. Whyturn it into a fight if you don't really care about it?

* High interest to you, low interest to the other party: Advocate. Insituations where the outcome affects you more than the other person or people,be strong and advocate your position.

* High interest to you, high interest to the other party: Collaborate.The only way to come up with a productive solution is for both parties to worktogether. These are also the situations that can become the most contentiousbecause both parties care so much about the...