Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Srikumar S. Rao created "Creativity and Personal Mastery," the pioneering course that was among the most popular and highest rated at many of the world's top business schools. It remains the only such course to have its own alumni association. His work has been covered by major media including the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, the Financial Times, Time, Fortune, BusinessWeek, the London Times, the Guardian and the Daily Telegraph. CNN, PBS, and Voice of America, and dozens of radio and TV stations have interviewed him.
Please visit www.srikumarsrao.com for many tools and useful resources.You can follow him on Twitter @srikumarsrao

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happiness at work

McGraw-Hill

Contents

Chapter One

At certain milestones—the two most common being birthdays and New Year's Day—people decide that their lives will be different from that day on. I bet this is true of you. At different times, you've probably resolved to eat healthy, exercise regularly, stop procrastinating, catch up on your backlog, stop watching junk TV, get enough sleep, and so on. How long did it last? Odds are you were back to your old habits in short order until the next milestone, when you repeated the cycle again. And again.

There is a reason for this. When you try to bring about behavioral change by an effort of will, you actually do violence to yourself, and the chances are very good that you will not succeed. This is so universally true that you can actually make money from it. Gyms cheerfully and unabashedly sign up many times more members than they can handle in early January. They know there will be open slots on treadmill sign-up sheets by February.

If you have a strong will and persist in your new behavior, you will likely encounter side effects you would rather not deal with. If you stop smoking cold turkey, you may eat too much and put on weight. Then you starve yourself to regain your ideal body weight, and your crotchety temper ruins relations with your family.

Violence to yourself is not a good way to go.

My methods produce lasting behavioral change without unpleasant consequences, because the change does not come from an effort of will. It comes from examining your deep-rooted beliefs of who you are and how the world functions. As you examine these beliefs and make changes in them, you literally become a different person.

And once you're a different person, you behave differently and change happens naturally and effortlessly. Best of all, it lasts. You don't have to worry about sliding back.

When you change enough of your beliefs about "this is the way the world works," the cumulative effect is massive. You will find your own tipping point on this. When you do, you will experience a paradigm shift in which you'll see the world so differently that nothing is the same again. We are not talking about putting a Band-Aid on a cut. We are talking about genetic re-engineering on a massive scale.

This book is designed to help you bring about such a paradigm shift. The chapters are short, but the lessons are powerful. The shift in your consciousness will happen only if you do the exercises provided.

To illustrate the power of a paradigm shift, consider this ancient parable:

* * *

The abbot of a once-famous Buddhist monastery that had fallen into decline was deeply troubled. Monks were lax in their practice, novices were leaving, and lay supporters were deserting to other centers. He traveled far to see a sage and recounted his tale of woe, saying how much he wanted to transform his monastery to the flourishing haven it had been in days of yore. The sage looked him in the eye and said, "The reason your monastery has languished is that the Buddha is living among you in disguise, and you have not honored Him."

The abbot hurried back, his mind in turmoil. The Selfless One was at his monastery! Who could He be? Brother Hua? No, he was full of sloth. Brother Po? No, he was too dull. But then the Tathagata was in disguise. What better disguise than sloth or dull-wittedness? He called his monks together and revealed the sage's words. They too were taken aback and looked at each other with suspicion and awe. Which one of them was the Chosen One? The disguise was perfect. Not knowing who He was, they took to treating everyone with the respect due the Buddha. Their faces started shining with an inner radiance that attracted novices and then lay supporters. In no time at all, the monastery far surpassed its previous glory.

* * *

That is how it works, and you can begin harnessing this power. Right now.

Have you ever been driving to an appointment in heavy traffic when someone cuts in front of you and nearly causes an accident? Then you watch as this person continues to weave through traffic, instigating many near misses and angry honks?

What do you feel? A hot flush of rage? Surging blood pressure? A need for spontaneous profanity? Do you give the offender the finger—or want to? Road rage has caused heart attacks and led to murderous assaults. Not a pleasant feeling.

Now imagine this: The person in that car has just received news that his son was involved in an accident and is seriously injured. He is trying desperately to get to the hospital before surgery begins and is crying as he contemplates the real possibility that he may never see his son alive again.

Now how do you feel? Do you experience a gush of sympathy? Do you wish a fellow human being well and send thoughts of strength and goodwill?

You don't know whether that person is an ill-mannered jerk or a distraught parent. Quite likely you will never know. And it doesn't matter. What matters is that you get to choose the emotional space you occupy when you contemplate what happens to you. You probably didn't realize you have that choice, but you do.

And by the way, you don't expose yourself to the risk of suffering an accident. If you see the same car again later, you expect erratic behavior and are on guard against it. You just don't have the emotional garbage of rage and dislike.

Think of how many times in your life you have had such a choice and voluntarily decided to occupy a room with anger, frustration, jealousy, or hate. It happens much more often than you realize.

how to choose your emotional state

Whenever anyone does something that causes you to react with anger or distaste, take a deep breath and pause. Think about whether there is any possibility that what set you off was actually a well-meaning act or an honest mistake.

It does not matter whether your instincts were accurate or not. The mere act of considering whether there was a more benevolent explanation for what happened is enough to dissipate the violent emotions that bedevil you. You will be more calm and deliberate, and your actions will be more effective.

Chapter Two

There is something you do that hurts you a great deal, and you don't even realize you do it. If someone points it out to you, your tendency is to deny it. Even if you acknowledge it, you don't feel particularly troubled. It seems innocuous. Everyone does it. In fact, doing it is embedded into our culture.

What is it that is so common and so deleterious?

It is your habit of making instantaneous judgments about everything and then sticking a label on whatever happens. In particular, I am talking about the labels "good thing" and "bad thing."

Observe yourself as you go through a typical day. Stuff happens to you. As it does, you immediately judge it and label it. Dozens of times. Hundreds of times. So often that you no longer recognize that you're doing it. It is a deep-seated habit. Consider these fairly typical situations:

* You go to the coffee machine, and only the dregs of the previous pot are left. If you want fresh coffee, you have to clean the pot and brew it. ("bad thing")

* Your assistant calls. Her son is ill, and she has to take him to the doctor. She expects to be in but can't say when....