Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Susan F. Benjamin is a marketing expert, author, and host of the talk radio show The Greater Voice, which reaches thousands of listeners throughout the world each week. Articles by and about Susan have appeared in publications including The Wall Street Journal, USA Today and countless newspapers affiliated with the McClatchy-Tribune news service. She has discussed her ideas on CNN, National Public Radio, Small Business Television, and other broadcasts. A former professor, Susan has consulted on marketing campaigns for the Liberty Mutual Insurance Group, Accenture, ATT, Fleet Boston, Fleishman-Hillard International Communications and countless other businesses. Susan participated in a White House initiative on plain language under the Clinton/Gore administration. She has trained over 100,000 employees on various communications matters and regularly gives keynote and other addresses. Her clients have included the Carnegie Mellon Executive Program, the National Geospacial-Intelligence Agency, and the Federal Communications Commission.

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PERFECT PHRASES for PROFESSIONAL NETWORKING

The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.

Contents

Chapter One

Networking can be a rather nerve-racking experience. And with good reason, too. Normally when you meet people, you're more or less equals. You go to a cocktail party and that guy or gal is nursing a drink, right? And so are you. Maybe you chat. Get into a discussion. And why not, you're guests. What else should you be doing?

But when you're networking, you're not equal; you want something from the other person. You need to charm him or her, make a great impression, and get what you're after. And unless you're going to one of those meetings that is explicitly dedicated to networking, that person may not have a whole lot to get from you. So, you have to seem natural and nonchalant even though, well, you're not!

So, what are you supposed to do? Here's a list—we'll add the perfect phrases later.

Networking: The List

• Relax. I know, I know—telling people to relax is the fastest way to make them tense. Just like when the dentist tells you to uncross your legs and relax as he or she points a needle the size of a fishhook into your mouth. But I mean it. The tenser you are, the more stilted your language will become and the less convincing you'll sound.

• Personalize. The networking opportunity is about people—you and whomever you're networking with. So, it's critical that you create a personal relationship. And this means you need to know something about that person. What is her history? Her interests? Why should she care enough about you to pass on information—be it names, organizations, or just insights and ideas? I'm not suggesting you have to research everyone you network with—after all, if you're at a party with a networking group, this is probably impossible. But when it comes time to send that follow-up e-mail or notice, go right ahead and Google.

• Have courage. Even the most experienced salesperson will tell you that networking requires a deep breath or two, especially when the people you're contacting are well positioned. By that I mean, they have the power to make your life much easier, richer, or otherwise better. But don't sweat it. Just keep your mind in the present as much as possible: make that contact and don't worry about what will happen if you blow it. (P.S. Everyone does blow it now and then. And guess what? Where that one all-important networking opportunity died, about ten more crop up.)

• See value. In most networking situations, contacts may seem like helpers—people who pass on gobs of information as you take, take, take. What's in it for them? Or, more to the point, how dare you be so selfish, demanding, and ... OK, wait. You're not. Really. So blast that thought out of your head. In fact, you're bringing value to these people on two fronts.

• You're giving them the satisfaction of helping you and possibly the person they're introducing you to. I know this sounds only so-so valuable, but actually playing a positive force can be quite the motivating factor in any relationship. Obviously, you need to thank them afterward—and later, too—but that's for another chapter.

• Whatever you bring them in return. One of the core elements of our social agreements, albeit unspoken, is the concept of reciprocity or, in more common terms, you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. So, you need to offer them something in return. And not, "If I can help you out, just let me know ..." Something concrete and of real value to them.

• Remember the stakes. When networking, the stakes are high for you—and your contacts. For example, if your contacts pass on the name of another contact, they're putting their reputation on the line, too. If you make a positive impression, you're sending a positive message about them. If you're a jerk (not that you would ever be, of course!), that reflects negatively on them as well. So it's critical that in all your networking interactions, you project the most positive, professional, and trust-inspiring impression possible. Dress nicely, on all occasions—or, more to the point, dress appropriately for all occasions. Going to a football game with boundless networking opportunities? Don't wear a suit and tie, of course; that would be weird. But do wear good jeans and a clean, well-fitted parka. If you're sending an e-mail, make sure your grammar is impeccable and don't take too many liberties—at least, not yet. Smiley faces, such as :), are out. Letters only, as in R U OK?—also out. Full sentences, definitely in.

• Put away the "want." OK, when most people network, it's because they want something. A job. Money. A girlfriend, boyfriend, or business connection. Sometimes you're needy, and sometimes you're really needy, and sometimes, well, panicky comes to mind. Regardless of how you're feeling, put that emotion away. People can smell desperation: it's strong, present, and unappealing. And networking begins with an interaction as simple as a handshake. So, what do you do? Put the fear away and spring into action. Meet, greet, and hope for the best. And whatever happens, happens.

One more very important point: the most crucial part of networking, beyond all else, is your immediate impression. That's true whether you're e- mailing, calling on the phone, shaking hands, or even just meeting someone's eyes from across the room. That first impression occurs in a flash. If you're writing or calling, it could make or break the entire interaction. If you're meeting in person, with the benefits of body language and other signals, you may, just may, be able to turn a negative impression around.

So, read on and use these upcoming perfect phrases to make your first hello a lasting—or at least a recurring—one!

A Quick Look at Networking Dos and Don'ts

People have been networking since the beginning of time. Moses leading his people through the Red Sea? Networking. Sholomo knew Aaron, brother of Moses. They talked a little, networked, and Sholomo shook Moses' hand. Before you knew it, they were on their way to the Holy Land.

But through the ages of networking, some pretty bad habits have surfaced. Take those networking phrases that fall into phone calls, e-mails, conversation as easily as olives from a tree. They're so available. So natural. So time-tested. Except that they sound insincere, disingenuous, and generally boring. Here are some of those tiresome phrases:

Per Mary Dawson's recommendation, I am contacting you ...

Please note the enclosed letters of recommendation ...

Thanks for your time yesterday.

I am sending you this e-mail on the recommendation of ...

I will tailor my efforts ...

I can meet the needs ...

Instead, try to use the most casual and specific language possible (while still being very polite, of course). The more specific you are about what you have to offer, the more likely your contact will network on your behalf and provide the leads and ideas that will be helpful to you:

Our mutual friend Mary Dawson suggested that I contact you.

I am sending along a few letters of recommendation.

Thanks for the information you gave me yesterday. I plan to contact...