Über die Autorin bzw. den Autor

Nancy Ancowitz is the creator of the popular Self-Promotion forIntroverts(R) workshop, which she offers at New York University.Her coaching clients range from CEOs to emerging leaders in thebusiness and creative worlds. Ancowitz lives in New York City.

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Self-Promotion for Introverts

McGraw-Hill

Contents

Chapter One

It's a good thing that we can't hear each other think. People only pick up on what you give off—verbally and nonverbally. So before you promote yourself outwardly, let's take a look at how you talk to yourself inwardly. Are the messages you say to yourself gentle and forgiving, petty and ruthless, or somewhere in between? What if your accomplishments weren't just an accident? And what if you're actually gifted—rather than just pretending or duping lots of people?

In this chapter we'll discuss what you can do to mitigate your negative chatter. We'll also address its overbearing companion: the need to make everything perfect—the first time, no excuses. Not that introverts have cornered the market for negative self-talk and its close cousin, perfectionism. We'll discuss what you can do to redirect this self-defeating energy.

I'll provide you with specific examples and simple tools. You'll take stock of your own negative self-talk, better manage your self-directed put-downs, and build an inner circle of support. While some of the examples I'll share are bleak, I'll also refer to the victories of two world-class swimmers for inspiration. All of this is to illustrate that the challenge of negative self- talk is a big, yet surmountable, one; it's also universal. Why are we even addressing negative self-talk? The better you manage it, the more you can bring out your most confident, supremely promotable introverted self to ultimately make greater contributions to society.

INTROVERTS MAY ACTUALLY CHATTER MORE—IN THEIR HEADS

Research on the brain suggests that introverts may have a higher level of internal chatter than extroverts. Debra L. Johnson, Ph.D., a physiological psychologist, recommends that introverts embrace their inner dialog. "If the dominant functional pattern is to engage in a running monolog about activities and demands, this self-talk might be harnessed by explicitly 'reminding' oneself about important behaviors," she says. "For example, a person might include a self-comment to the effect of, 'I did really good work on that project—everyone has told me that.' Or 'In a staff meeting today, I have to speak up about my involvement.' Or he or she could even plan and rehearse exactly what to say in a meeting."

Bob McPeek, Ph.D., director of research at the Center for Applications of Psychological Type, Inc. (CAPT), adds: "If you look across different areas of research, there is a pattern of evidence suggesting that introverts are more likely to engage in self-reflection. Much of it is along the lines of tossing and turning at 3 a.m., replaying the same event in your mind, and beating yourself up for it," he says. Can you relate? McPeek continues: "Different researchers use words like 'brooding' or 'rumination' for this negative state. An effective strategy for dealing with it is distracting yourself or diverting your energy. There's also a positive side to self-reflection that introverts may exhibit that is more like a healthy intellectual curiosity about yourself." We entertain that curiosity throughout this book.

A CHALLENGE WORTH TAKING ON

Like maintaining an exercise program or keeping your finances in order, managing your negative self-talk is a challenge worth taking on. At the Self-Promotion for Introverts® workshops I offer for adults at New York University, most of my students—who include entrepreneurs, architects, psychotherapists, artists, computer programmers, investment bankers, Harvard-educated lawyers, marketing executives, corporate managers, and nonprofit directors—anonymously share their negative self-talk messages on index cards. I collect the cards and read them to the room. Here's what these accomplished professionals have shared:

* "I'll never make decent money doing anything I like."

* "My biggest accomplishments were all flukes."

* "I'm a failure."

* "I'm always the invisible 'brains' behind the operation."

* "As soon as an idea comes out of my mouth, someone else takes credit."

* "My mind goes blank when I try to converse with new people."

* "I sound stupid."

* "I'll spend the rest of my life as a worker bee."

* "I appear mentally slow because I need to collect my thoughts before I speak."

* "There's something wrong with me for being so private."

Recognize these? Do they sound familiar? Thoughts like these may stream through your head too—perhaps at four in the morning, when your tongue goes bone dry at the podium, or when your boss storms into your cubicle demanding a summary of your whole year's accomplishments. How are you supposed to promote yourself while those menacing flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz are screeching insults inside your head?

INVISIBLE, YET ALL EYES ARE ON YOU

Let's say you're an award-winning graphic designer with a solid core of Fortune 500 clients. However, when you enter a holiday party full of highly accomplished senior managers, many of whom are potential clients, you find yourself frequently looking out the window, checking your voice mail, and visiting the restroom. What's keeping you from cracking a smile and striking up a conversation? Maybe something like the following is running through your head: "Everyone here is more accomplished, better educated, more informed, and more interesting than I am."

After deliberating for two hours, you finally get up the courage to approach someone. You say something to the nearest person in a raspy mumble without making eye contact. The potential client of a lifetime interrupts your first (and only!) sentence and quickly takes off, waving vaguely at someone across the room. You slink away and go home, ironically feeling that all eyes were on you and your major social faux pas—despite your invisibility. To make matters worse, you mockingly replay in your head your opening line to the potential client extraordinaire: "How's the sangria?" It takes three months before you're ready to consider your next outing.

HOW TO MAKE NETWORKING SITUATIONS MORE PALATABLE

It doesn't have to be like this. In Chapter 5 we'll discuss more about the external aspects of navigating networking situations. Meanwhile, here are a few quick tips you can use right away:

* Choose events where you're likely to feel welcome.

* Before going to a networking event, take stock of why someone would want to talk to you.

* Do something that makes you feel grounded just before the event (e.g., write, draw, listen to a favorite song, or call a mentor).

* Scope out the most comfortable places—possibly the quietest areas—for you in the space (just not the wall!).

* Remember that all eyes aren't on you.

* Learn about other people—listen intently, solve their problems, and share resources.

* Remember to breathe. We often forget this most basic human need. Taking a few deep breaths will help you relax.

* Drink water. Stay hydrated for your overall well-being and specifically for your voice. Avoid caffeinated beverages, which can contribute to the jitters.

YOU CAN CATCH ANY BALL

One of my clients, a senior corporate training manager—let's call him Clark Connolly—found a way to stay...