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Rotten School #5: Shake, Rattle, and Hurl!

HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Chapter One

How I Lost My Lunch

"Yo! Looking way good today, dudes!" I said to my buddies Feenman and Crench. "Thanks, Bernie," Feenman said.

He had yellow stains on the front of his school blazer. That meant he had eggs for breakfast.

Crench's fly was open, and the bottom of his school tie poked out.

They're both total slobs. But I like to encourage my guys. So I lie and tell them how good they look.

It's a nice lie, right?

They plopped their lunch trays down on the table.

"What are you eating, Bernie?" Feenman asked. He poked his nose into my plate.

"I'm on a health food kick," I said. "Pizza and French fries."

Down the table, our buddy Beast burped so hard, he rocketed off his chair. When Beast burps, big chunks fly from his mouth and sail across the room.

If you don't duck in time, it can get pretty gross.

Beast climbed back up and began pawing food into his mouth with both hands. When he finished, he had chili and spaghetti noodles all over his face and stuck in his hair. For dessert he pulled stuff out of his hair and ate it.

I'm thinking of entering Beast in the school Talent Contest next week. His talent is making everyone sick!

My buddies and I have our own table in the Dining Hall -- the Rotten House table. See, Rotten House is the name of the dorm we live in. Actually, it's a broken-down old house. But we love it.

We live on the third floor. Which is perfect for spitting on people down below. Of course, we'd never do such a rude thing. We'd never even think about it.

You probably go home every day after school. But we don't. The Rotten School is a boarding school. We live here.

I'm Bernie Bridges. Maybe you've heard of me. I mean, word does get around about guys who are smart, and popular, and natural-born leaders.

I would never say that about myself, of course. But I've heard others say it about me.

I finished my pizza and admired my reflection in the empty plate. If only I weren't so modest! I could tell you what an awesome-looking dude I am.

I looked up and saw Beast emptying the salt and pepper shakers into his open mouth. Cool dude.

Lunch is always a fun time here in the Dining Hall. It's a huge room, with a cafeteria line at one end. And rows and rows of tables, enough for kids from all three dorms.

I started to get up to get another slice of pizza. But I stopped when I heard a sound at the front of the room.

A honk. And then a drumbeat. A tweet. Another honk.

I turned to the front and saw a band getting ready to play.

And that's when I nearly lost my lunch.

Excerpted from Rotten School #5: Shake, Rattle, and Hurl!by R.L. Stine Copyright © 2006 by R.L. Stine. Excerpted by permission.
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