The Matewix - Hardcover

Utterly unauthorised, utterly silly spoof of The Matrix trilogy.

The Matewix is a hilarious adventure starring the ineffectual computer geek Newo.

This book has none of the action of the film, or more specifically it’s a story of a nerd who couldn’t get any action. Our hero has a rather bad speech impediment, which gets him into all sorts of twuble in a world that’s not quite what it seems...

‘If you take the Red pill, Newo, there is no going back. You will leave the Matewix and enter a world more real to you than you can possibly imagine. But Newo; if you take the Blue pill you will sustain an erection for up to twelve years...You must decide Newo.’

Newo stared long and hard at the pills. Then reached out his hand, ‘I’ll take them both’, he said and eagerly gobbled them down whole.

Charlie Hamilton James, the son of a sperm donor and a prolific dinner lady,
was raised by caterpillars in the Engadine region of Switzerland in the
latter part of the eighteenth century. His first book Kingfishers won
critical acclaim as possibly the best and only coffee table Kingfisher book
available for under a tenner. As well as writing he also enjoys, Netball,
extreme cross-stitch and heroin; he was also the first man to swim with wild
mackerel. He currently lives on boat in the Aegean sea with a haddock called
Martin. The Matewix is his second book and possibly his worst.