Kevin Leman wants you to know that men are less complicated than you give them credit for. At the core of men, you'll find a sensitive, emotional being that needs to feel loved, respected and needed. Men are very protective of their core. It's this protective behavior that keeps men from openly sharing their feelings with women. But, Kevin Leman knows that the more you understand and are sensitive to the fears, anxieties, and insecurities that make the men in your life behave the way they do, the stronger your relationships will be.

7 THINGS HE'LL NEVER TELL YOU ... but you need to know

By KEVIN LEMAN

TYNDALE HOUSE PUBLISHERS, INC.

Copyright © 2007 Kevin Leman
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4143-1209-5

Contents

Acknowledgments.......................................................................................................................................xiiiINTRODUCTION..........................................................................................................................................xvWhat a Man Really Craves ...IT ONLY TAKES THREE THINGS TO SATISFY YOUR GUY (HINT: THEY MAY NOT BE WHAT YOU THINK.)#1 THING HE'LL NEVER TELL YOU.........................................................................................................................1"It's Thursday, and I'm out of words already" ("But if you want to keep talking, honey, go ahead")WHY MEN WANT THE CLIFF'S NOTES, AND WOMEN WANT THE WHOLE NOVEL.#2 THING HE'LL NEVER TELL YOU.........................................................................................................................23"Think of me as a four-year-old that shaves"WHY BOYS NEVER REALLY DO QUITE GROW UP ... AND WHY YOU WOULDN'T WANT THEM TO.#3 THING HE'LL NEVER TELL YOU.........................................................................................................................57"I have a purple dining room, and I could care less!"WHY A MAN'S HOME IS REALLY NOT HIS CASTLE, AND WHY YOU'RE TEMPTED TO TURN HIM INTO A GIRLFRIEND.#4 THING HE'LL NEVER TELL YOU.........................................................................................................................77"I'm desperate for you to need me"IS YOUR GUY STARVING FOR ATTENTION ... FROM YOU?#5 THING HE'LL NEVER TELL YOU.........................................................................................................................103"I've thought about sex 33 times today, and it's not even noon"GUYS ARE WIRED DIFFERENTLY, AND FOR A VERY GOOD REASON!#6 THING HE'LL NEVER TELL YOU.........................................................................................................................125"I told you I didn't want to go!"WHAT YOUR MAN FEARS MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE ... AND HOW YOU MAY BE DOING THAT VERY THING IN SUBTLE WAYS.#7 THING HE'LL NEVER TELL YOU.........................................................................................................................149"I'd take a bullet for you"WHY YOUR MAN LONGS NOT ONLY TO BE A HERO, BUT YOUR HERO.CONCLUSION............................................................................................................................................167Talking His LanguageIF YOU UNDERSTAND HIS BASIC NEEDS AND TALK IN WAYS HE UNDERSTANDS, YOU'LL BE WELL ON YOUR WAY TO THE RELATIONSHIP OF YOUR DREAMS!EPILOGUE..............................................................................................................................................175Running the Race ... TogetherYOUR MOST MEMORABLE MOMENTS ARE BEING FORMED RIGHT NOW.Quizzes & Quiz Answers................................................................................................................................177Notes.................................................................................................................................................183About Dr. Kevin Leman.................................................................................................................................187Resources by Dr. Kevin Leman..........................................................................................................................189

Chapter One

THING HE'LL NEVER TELL YOU

"It's Thursday, and I'm out of words already." ("But if you want to keep talking, honey, go ahead.")

Why men want the Cliff's Notes, and women want the whole novel.

* * *

It was one of those evening social events I hate. The ones where you have to dress up, look your best, and try to act social even when it's not your thing and you're feeling strangled because your tie is too tight.

But because I love my wife, I agreed to accompany her ... although, after we got there, I didn't see her for most of the evening.

I wandered around for a few minutes, giving others the nod and a smile, and finally ended up at the punch bowl. Somehow, when you're not feeling quite comfortable, it helps to be holding something.

After I had poured my punch as slowly as possible, I stepped back to scan the room and take the tiniest of sips.

Just then another man stepped up to the punch bowl. I gave him "the nod."

A nod is the universal man language, and it's easy to do. When you see another man, you raise your head half an inch. He raises his head half an inch back. You've just exchanged a whole conversation, and you're both satisfied. You've both said, without saying it, "Hey, how are you doing? Great party, isn't it?"

But this guy at the punch bowl looked as lost as I felt.

Suddenly a streak of vulnerability came over me. I extended my hand. "I'm Kevin."

He shook it. "Rick."

"Great party, huh?" I added.

And then, right there, I'd run out of words. After all, this guy was a stranger. I didn't need to go farther with him.

Still we stood at the punch bowl.

So I tried again. "So ... what do you do for a living?"

That little exchange filled another 30 seconds.

We'd run out of words again. What do you say when there's no recent ball game to talk about?

Then Sande walked by. A vision of loveliness in my eyes and, even better, my social rescuer. "Rick, this is my wife, Sande," I said, grasping my wife's arm.

The awkwardness was suddenly over. Sande stuck around and filled in the gaps for a few minutes with her lively personality, then whisked me away to introduce me to a couple other people.

I felt like a fish that had just been landed, flopping wildly and with bug eyes, on the deck of a boat. Then some kind soul said, "Oh, look at him" and had mercy on me and threw me back in the water, where I could breathe and be comfortable again.

Now let's say that you are a woman and you meet another woman named Carol for the first time at a party over a punch bowl.

"Hello," she says. "I'm Carol."

You introduce yourself and add, "Cute shoes."

"Oh, I got them at Macy's," she begins, and then the two of you are off and running. Even if you are a quiet woman by nature, within your 45-minute conversation, you'll talk about shoes, your dresses, where you love to shop, your favorite punch recipe, the places you visited this summer and what you loved about them, how you miss a friend who moved away, etc. And you know what? Although one of you is the vice president of a local bank and the other a nurse at a city hospital, what you do for a living doesn't even come up. You don't tend to talk shop.

But you both walk away with phone numbers written on napkins, waving good-bye and saying, "Hey, I'll call you." And what's more amazing to us men, you often do!

HEARING [not equal to] ANSWERING

Are we men just relational clods? Sometimes, yes. But consider that because women on average use three and a half times as many words as men (as I stated in the introduction to this book), when we get home from work, we're done with our word count. That means anything in the evening (when many social events occur) comes at us when...