201 Questions to Ask Your Pare

201 Questions to Ask Your Kids

• Do you have trouble talking to your kids?

• Does a successful conversation with your child consist of one-word responses or abrupt physical acknowledgments?

• Does your son or daughter get upset at the most innocent questions?

Join the club.

Unfortunately, communicating well with kids is something every parent desires but few achieve. We love our children, but talking to them in a meaningful manner isn't always easy. 

The questions in this book are designed to help.  No matter what age or sex your children, no matter how many children you have, no matter how good or bad your current parent/child relationship, this simple "game" will get your family talking more.  And when you're talking--really talking about emotions and fears and attitudes--you'll be learning about each other as individuals and growing closer together as a group.

An Introduction For Kids

Wouldn't it be fun to find out more about what your father or mother was like when he or she was a kid?  Or get to tell your parents which of their friends you think looks dorkiest?  Wouldn't conversation be more interesting if you and your family traded unexpected questions and answers at dinner rather than just talked about what homework did or didn't get done?

There are a lot of great things to talk about that no one ever brings up because we usually think conversation is serious rather than a way of being playful.  Of course, conversation should be about serious things some of the time--some of the questions in this book are about very serious topics.   But other times, questions should be asked just to create new ways to think about things, look back on our lives, or imagine what life would be like if we could design in any way we wanted.  In fact, I wrote this book because I think talking can be terrific fun, and even talking to your parents and brothers or sisters can be a kind of great game.  Everyone can get to know each other and laugh a lot--and be amazed from time to time.  No one wins or loses, but there is an element of surprise in finding out personal information about parents--and sharing some of your ideas, daydreams, and opinions with them.

My idea is to think of some of the world's most interesting questions that parents and kids could talk about and give everyone the chance to pick the ones they'd like to hear about.  Each person picks a question to ask and then answers a question when his or her turn comes around.  All you have to do is choose from the list under 201 Questions to Ask Your Parents and ask any question you want.  Your parents can take as long or as short a time they want to answer.  Any you can all discuss the topic if you like.  But then they go into their section of the book and ask you questions.  Some of them might not be so interesting, but others--like asking you who is the meanest kid you know--might be cool to think about and share with them.  They'll learn a lot about what you think are ways kids act nasty!

You can wiggle out of any two questions that don't interest you or are embarrassing--but no more than that.  It's good if a question makes you squirm a little; that means you either haven't thought about it before, or you have but you haven't wanted to deal with it.  But why not try out and answer?  Pick a set length of time to play for--and my guess is you'll want to extend it.  These questions get addictive!  You can play them at the dinner table, or after dinner, or on a car trip, or anytime you feel like hearing what your parents say about something.

So, this is a book about how to have intesting and often funny conversations with your family.  It's a way to avoid dead, boring silences and fill the time instead with questions and answers that everyone will enjoy thinking about.  I know that in my family, it is too easy for us to get stuck talking about praqctical things like who has to be taken where the next day.  That isn't particularly fun.  It doesn't let me in on what my kides are thinking, and it doesn't help my two teenagers learn things that might help them understand me a little better.

Dr. Pepper Schwartz is the industry's leading relationship authority. She has contributed regularly to Glamour and has appeared repeatedly on Oprah, the Today show, and numerous national news shows. She is currently the relationship expert for PerfectMatch.com and a professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle.