When You Say Yes but Mean No: How Silencing Conflict Wrecks Relationships and Companies ... and What You Can Do About It - Hardcover

A corporate ethnographer discusses the need for constructive conflict, as well as the negative effects of silencing conflict for the sake of harmony and agreement.

culture―especially at work―that prefers harmony over discord, agreement over dissent, speed over deliberation. We often smile and nod to each other even though deep down we could not disagree more. Whether with colleagues, friends, or family members, the tendency to paper over differences rather than confront them is extremely common. We believe that the best thing to do to preserve our relationships and to ensure that our work gets done as expeditiously as possible is to silence conflict.

Let’s face it, most bosses don’t encourage us to share our differences. Indeed, many people are taught that
loyal employees accept corporate values, policies, and decisions―never challenging or questioning them. If we want to hold on to our jobs and move up in our organizations, stifling conflict is the safest way to do it―or so we believe.

And it is not just with our bosses that we fear raising a dissenting opinion. We worry about what our peers